The line between business and personal lives

(Please apply the situation I present of music in your own way in your life, thinking about your job as a professional and your education..)

The idea is that recently, I met a friend who claimed two guidelines for (at least) being a professional musician (but he did claim that these ideas were commonly known by professionals of most subjects). In no real order,

1) It’s not about being THE best or even ‘better’ at music (or your work topic), but rather it’s about knowing people (Expansion-his idea was that if you have the contacts, ie. Study music in London Guildhall or the like, you will be able to find a job much more easily. Also- by doing any one music job well, that’ll encourage your name to be shared and more job opportunities will arise as people spread the word about you).

2) You must be able to split your personal and business lives. (Expansion- If you break up with a close girlfriend, there are still bills to pay and expectations or promises to and from other people to meet, you cannot just take a day off work because of personal life, if you’ve a concert for example, you can’t refuse to play because of personal emotions going on at the time. He believed this was true for other professions…)

Firstly, what thoughts do you have, in regard to your profession or your hobby and the guidelines above? Does your personal life affect your business and vice versa, and if so, do you try to limit the influence of one upon the other? I’m not convinced it’s fair to demand or ask this of people- “You must be a cutthroat business man who focuses solely on his work when at work. No personal problems are allowed into the office” and this to me just seems a little harsh. But whilst I think this, I think there is a trend; people who can split work and personal lives often do better in their work lives often in terms of quality and also pay which may be more enjoyable and more rewarding. What do you people think?
Enjoy the debate!

It's funny you mention that.

Was just corresponding yesterday with a friend about how sometimes the 'prestige' of the establishment attended tends to supercede the value of the competency assumed to come from such an esteemed education. Relate that to what we were saying later about the 10 000 rule (of thumb or other body parts). You may not have to spend that long practicing, but you'll have to spend much more than that getting on with others. Music is all about relationships. Musicians are too ... Life is relationships.

Which leads me to refute slightly the idea of "separating" professional and personal Life. One can't. Life is one continuum. But I can endorse what your friend was getting at. It is about reaffirming the relationships aforemention, regardless of how one is feeling about other aspects of Life. If your girlfriend dumps you, you are still dumped and are still going to feel like f***-all about it, whether you play the concert or not. One is not going to fix anything by doing neither the girlfriend nor the concert. And one gains nothing by letting down everyone else ... Suppose the case were the contrary : one decides not to show up to play a concert because of a new love interest and was just too giddy, love-intoxicated to play the concert (or teach the class, or fix the plumbing, or do surgery &c). This would be unacceptable.

It is for this that we recognise and accept the sentiment as such, and move forward anyway. If we let the sentiment transform itself into "emotion" (which happens from time to time), we run the risk of disturbing these relationships. As one is going to feel like shite or like a king anyway - just do what you have to do.

Relationships make music --
Relationships make matter --

What else might they make ... ?

Is there a line between business and personal lives? Well they can be if you want there to be. What you do in each can certainly be different.

Are you asking if you should let your personal life interfear with your business life?

“You must be a cutthroat business man who focuses solely on his work when at work. No personal problems are allowed into the office” and this to me just seems a little har

Some folks are like that but not most and they can be very successfull but usually at the expense of their personal life.

people who can split work and personal lives often do better in their work lives often in terms of quality and also pay which may be more enjoyable

Some would just call that being professional.

What do you people think?

Life is all about balance and choices.

What are some of your work/personal experiences?

messed up

Impossible to separate. That is a trick of perception. I am always me.

Orion- Agreed on the relationship idea. I find it interesting to see people who try and split their lives like that because it feels almost like living TWO lives and sometimes hypocrisy- "I'll be kind and generous to my family and friends but for my clients I'm going to cut corners and make as much money from them as possible..." Perhaps I'm seeing this as White must win and Black must lose rather than White vs. Black. It's all life. It all interlinks like you said with relationships. Recently saw a clip of Mindwalk about relationships and inter-connectivity, I liked your spin on the concert,

"Suppose the case were the contrary : one decides not to show up to play a concert because of a new love interest and was just too giddy, love-intoxicated to play the concert"

I hadn't thought of that, it's not just negative events that could affect business.. Huh, thankyou for that anyway. And your last paragraph about viewing the sentiment but not allowing it to transform into emotion is good advice which reminds me of a certain Ted video, the idea of viewing the feeling but staying somewhat distanced from it almost... http://www.ted.com/talks/andy_puddicombe_all_it_takes_is_10_mindful_minutes.html

Rickie- Your words feel somewhat diplomatic, and that's fine, If you want there to be a line, indeed there'll be a line. I agree. What you believe you often make true for yourself whether it is or not for other people.
In answer to your question about my work/business experience, from at least a professional level it is virtually non-existent. I've had work experience but both very short periods of time (a week each) and I was much younger so I wouldn't be able to apply my question truly to myself for those times.. As a student I do have work and practise to do as a musician, but what I see as personal life often causes me to think my personal life does deeply affect my work ethic. Which is a little worrying, because I'm not convinced I'm very 'balanced' between work and personal lives! I am more likely to choose fun over making sure I'm fully prepared for a lesson or work. In fact, I feel i often do the minimal work possible... I'm changing this however, because I do know if I don't change I'm going to go crazy when I do my music dissertation next year, and may fail other auditions and the like later on in life.. What's your work/business experience out of curiosity if you don't mind me asking?

What's your work/business experience out of curiosity if you don't mind me asking?

It's rather long and extensive are you sure you want to hear all that?

Rickie- Whatever you feel you'd like to put out there.. What I wanted to ask really is in your work, have you tried to draw a line between work and personal life? Have you sacrificed business for personal or vice versa? This is an attempt to understand you better tbh, but please write what you're comfortable with focusing on the relationship of that work with your personal life? I hope I've expressed myself clearly enough,

Vusuki wrote: Rickie- Whatever you feel you'd like to put out there.. What I wanted to ask really is in your work, have you tried to draw a line between work and personal life? Have you sacrificed business for personal or vice versa? This is an attempt to understand you better tbh, but please write what you're comfortable with focusing on the relationship of that work with your personal life? I hope I've expressed myself clearly enough,

Long story short. I have worked in one way or another since I was 10yrs old when my father died and I determined to be as selsufficent as I could be so I worked.

My work is half of my waking hours more or less. I work to live not to live to work. Family comes first and I have made work concesions because of family crises and situations. So you might say I sacrificed business for personal life but at that time that was what had to be done. Also my consesions didn't cause financial hardships, I mearly didn't make as much as I could have at the time or move ahead in my career as fast as i could have.

I'm very personable and caring with the people I work with and serve. I care about their well-being and sold, mutually respectfull relationships are essential to my feeling satisfaction with my work and maintaing confidence with those I work with. I could be an SOB and make more $ but I wouldn't be proud of just making more mone at that cost.

The line, very few work relationships are deep personal relationships. If things are tough personally I slill have a responsibity to provide for my family and work relationship depend on me as well for their well-being. I work at work the best I can and don't bring work (mentally & emotionally) home any more than I have to or can be helped.

I have a no regrets.

1. knowing the right people, and making the right connections at the right time will make a huge difference, but it might be rare to develop these connections early on. I am really the last person to offer networking advice, but the best networks seem to be the ones formed from successful work interaction. In things like science and music this might very well extend back into the education where training and work sort of blend together, but not so much in other areas I would have thought.

2. If you can get a job and be yourself that is awesome, but most jobs I've seen require behavior which excludes any concept of abandonment. So from there it becomes about how you can match the job requirement, which extends into training and qualification depending on the nature of the work.

I would not consider it a split existence, but instead one of wearing masks - that might be easier to work with psychologically for example. Like a work uniform you put on and take off which is specialized for the work, it might even need servicing from time to time!! A split existence allows one to ignore their true nature, whilst under a mask its still the same you with the same beliefs and ethics.