mind control

This is death anniversary season for me. Over the last 3 years I have lost 6 friends and fellow soldiers and they seem to go in groups around the same time. I have not slept for 2 days because when I lay down at night I see them. I've tried meditation, I just think I'm doing something wrong. Ad soon as I feel like I have emptied myself thier faces flash and then I'm flooded with the feelings of loss.

Any pointers on controlling my mind a little better?

Your mind is like a stream of water, and these memories are like leaves floating on through...

TO try to stop them, you are concentrating on them, and they are building up...

Let them flow, and soon, enough time will pass that they become less prominent in the stream...



Good luck...

personally, i dont dwell on it, but at the same time, i never forget. for example, i still wear dog tags of someone very special to me that i lost. and when i feel them move, or hear them clink (despite the silencers), or just feel alone, there they are. i can touch them. and its a tangible reminder of what i've lost, as scarred and dented as i am, so are they. but i know that as long as i remember this person, they are not really gone. part of them is in me, part of them so ... basic, is with me all the time. and i feel better. most times.

i dont know. i realize that is almost the opposite of what jestor said. and it may help you, it may not. i realize the logistics of wearing 6 sets of tags are daunting! but its only what i do.

so there are those here, obviously, who have been through this. never hesitate to contact one of us if you need to.

I agree with Jestor ... leaves (and other things that float) drifting in the stream.

There is a huge difference between having a good, solid human feeling and having an out-of-control mind. An out-of-control mind, where it would be a problem would be if you're holding onto these images all the time, every day, and they were interfering with your living today. But it is human that anniversaries bring these memories back. Other things besides the calendar can do that : songs, places, remarks &c. It is also human to have feelings about them.

We have memories, you wouldn't be doing justice to anyone to develop selective amnesia. Nor is it particularly healthy to ignore feelings that come up about memories. It isn't your memories that are keeping you up, but your feelings --

-- so, I would suggest, in order to let the memories come and go like the tide, to go with the feelings too. Not in a reckless way, and try not to 'hold on' to the feeling either, but for the time you feel what you feel, recognise it for what it is, honestly and without rationalising it.

Cry, laugh, scream, swear ... do what you need to do to get through the feeling. No reaction, no recompense, no rationalising nor reasoning, no reward for it, just go with it and get to the other side.

Emotions are like waves. When waves come up, we turn into them. We can't get out of the sea, nor can we pretend the sea nor the wave are not there. In order to keep from being dashed to pieces by it, we turn into the wave and drive right into it - and through to the other side. It still hits us, mind you, but then it's done. Until the next one comes ...

But just like Jestor's leaves, in time you'll find those waves less ominous, less prominent, and you'll be piloting them with ease.

Jestor, I understand what you're saying here and I think its a good idea. The only issue I have is if I allow these thoughts and emotions to flow the become more intense. Is that a bad thing? Shouldnt I try to control my emotions?

Desolous, I wear my KIA bracelet for my friend that was killed on this last deployment. It does help. It reminds me of the good times when I remember it's there.

Typically I do not dwell on them. I really think this is all stemming from the anniversary marathon that is taking place over the next few months.

If my emotions ever got out of control I will for sure be contacting you or other service members about it. I'm not one to let my emotions fester. I've seen what that can lead to in people.

Alexandre,I really like how you expanded on what Jestor was saying. It's been a long time since I have been effected daily by these feelings.I have come a long way since their deaths.

I am such a control freak though. Letting those emotions flow is going to be quite the challenge, but I am ready and willing to try anything at this point.

Thank you so much for the advice. I will be using it today for sure.

meganrtaylor wrote: This is death anniversary season for me. Over the last 3 years I have lost 6 friends and fellow soldiers and they seem to go in groups around the same time. I have not slept for 2 days because when I lay down at night I see them. I've tried meditation, I just think I'm doing something wrong. Ad soon as I feel like I have emptied myself thier faces flash and then I'm flooded with the feelings of loss.

Any pointers on controlling my mind a little better?

Is there a support group or a circle of friends you can share your feelings with? They would help share the burdon and lighten the load some. I think it's important to let it out someway and use the support of others as you do so the "flow" doesn't carry you away. Don't keep this bottled up.

My dad had nightmares for years after D Day and WWII.

Concentrating on it, allowing it to build, you are stopping the leaves from flowing...

To think of these people at all is to honor their memory...

Dont forget them, but, you dont want to dwell on them until you are sad, or incapacitated by the memories, they are only memories...

Not trying to downplay their importance, but, like any other of the hundred thoughts you have a day, they should: come in, be mulled over, and allowed to go on their way...

The problem isnt the thinking of them, its the holding onto them....

MOst folks wouldnt want you to dwell, ya know? And, if your friends were of the caliber most of our good friends are, they wouldnt like you to dwell...

Does this make sense too?

And no, Desolous, you are doing what I suggest, only you have totems for it...

Two monks were making a pilgrimage to venerate the relics of a great Saint. During the course of their journey, they came to a river where they met a beautiful young woman -- an apparently worldly creature, dressed in expensive finery and with her hair done up in the latest fashion. She was afraid of the current and afraid of ruining her lovely clothing, so asked the brothers if they might carry her across the river.

The younger and more exacting of the brothers was offended at the very idea and turned away with an attitude of disgust. The older brother didn't hesitate, and quickly picked the woman up on his shoulders, carried her across the river, and set her down on the other side. She thanked him and went on her way, and the brother waded back through the waters.

The monks resumed their walk, the older one in perfect equanimity and enjoying the beautiful countryside, while the younger one grew more and more brooding and distracted, so much so that he could keep his silence no longer and suddenly burst out, "Brother, we are taught to avoid contact with women, and there you were, not just touching a woman, but carrying her on your shoulders!"

The older monk looked at the younger with a loving, pitiful smile and said, "Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river; you are still carrying her."

Is there a support group or a circle of friends you can share your feelings with?

There are a lot of them. I have talked to a few people,but have found that what works the best is talking to my wife. She has been with me through it all and as a soldier she can relate.

My dad had nightmares for years after D Day and WWII.

First I would like to say your dad is a real hero. I have the upmost respect for those guys. I rarely have nightmares about it which is a relief. I just need to work on letting the feelings flow and accepting the emotions and memories for what they are.

Thank you for the help