I request Guidance

I am appealing to the Jedi Temple for my situation, and I was not sure where to put this thread.

About a year ago, the girl of my dreams came along and began talking to me. We hung out a few times, and then I asked her out on a "date". She accepted, and we had to work to actually go out (parents had a problem with it). Over the summer, we grew into best friends. Companions, no less. We spent a lot of time in nature, under the stars, and doing homework once school started. If anyone was going to be with me, it would be her. To this day, we are still best friends, and now "In a Relationship". I find myself becoming more and more "clingy" to her, and while observing the Jedi path, I somewhat understand that attachments are discouraged. I want to stay "In a Relationship" with her, and be her Best Friend, but how do you recommend overcoming the clinginess and the "over attachment" that I've created.

I would like to hear everyone's suggestions. Thank you for your help.

Mmm. I can understand your concern. Overattachment to anything can be troublesome if it gets out of hand.

Though, merely being conscious that you have attachment is good because you can keep tabs on it. Attachment is only a real fear when you aren't aware of it.

Things you should know about the Jedi Path:
1. We do NOT encourage "detachment". That often leads to unrealistic expectations of people leaving the world behind and becoming a monk. In most cases, Jedi should be IN the world so they can help those people who need our help. (On a personal note: I discourage monk-like detachment because it leads to a lack of understanding of our world as it is, and rather a narrow-minded view of anti-materialism. But, that's another story)
2. We DO encourage watching and keeping your emotions about people in check. "Emotion; yet peace". We often allow our emotions to make decisions FOR us. I find this to be a bad thing, generally, because emotions cannot see the "big" picture. This is why we have brains. Our brains can see and process large amounts of data. And, in this way, can temper emotions and help you formulate a good path.
3. Be passionate about the people you love. She must be a wonderful person and I'm glad for you two.

All in all, just keep an eye on it. If you have any specific instances or issues, we can address those here as well!

Good luck.

You have to evaluate yourself, and determine where this "clinginess" comes from...is it a fear of rejection, a fear of loneliness, or some other fear?...once you identify the cause you can begin to repair it....

Attachment is discouraged, but love is not...attachment is the inability to let go of something when the time comes...

Thank you both for the very quick responses.

We DO encourage watching and keeping your emotions about people in check. "Emotion; yet peace". We often allow our emotions to make decisions FOR us. I find this to be a bad thing, generally, because emotions cannot see the "big" picture.

Yes, I have seen this happen a lot, and it never ends well. I once let my emotions make a huge mistake, and it has left me and her "scarred" (in her words). I am just grateful that she is as compassionate as she is.

You have to evaluate yourself, and determine where this "clinginess" comes from...is it a fear of rejection, a fear of loneliness, or some other fear?

I know exactly where my fear comes from. I simply have a fear of loosing her. I have a strong passion for her, because she is my Best Friend. We have grown so close together that the thought of her leaving me is sometimes unbearable. I guess I need to trust her more than I do.

I think you hit the nail on the head with trust. I don't know anything about your relationship, but I can tell you that if you learn to relax and trust, things tend to get better. I'm sure she's aware of your feelings so if you're constantly nervous or afraid, that can rub off onto her too.

Have you thought about maybe taking some time apart (not breaking up, but maybe a solo vacation) to see how you cope without your best friend? Sometimes when we face our fears, we see that there's really not much to fear at all.

Fear of losing somebody is actually pretty dangerous. Not in the "Oh my goodness we need to take care of this!" way, but in the way that it can lead to rash decision making.

Not to pry, but it seems as though this has been an issue in the past.

It's not possible to alter the amount of love you have for her. Love doesn't work like that. What you need to do is always keep your wits about you. Write down your thoughts in a journal and then read them back. You'll see signs of rash decision making in those thoughts, and you can deal with them appropriately. Just a suggestion.

An interesting observation I've had is if your not working on building a relationship, then its most likely pulling itself apart - just from sheer number of variables between two peoples lives. If your already in a relationship it might be better to focus on the one relationship which is most important to you - if you believe in monogamy (being some ideal where the concept of focusing purely on each other 100% is the goal).

Also it might depend whether the pleasure your getting from the relationship is being with her, or from her being with you. The later seems more ideal to me as it is less selfish and connected to the other person's intentions. If its just your own pleasure from being with her, then it might be a more lust based experience for you, which can be harder to control effectively in two way relationships. Not necessarily sexual lust, but also desire for future outcomes in regards to the relationship. That path can lead to controlling tendencies over the other person to fall in line with your own expectations, and wasting other peoples times while you wait for some future wishes to hopefully fall in place.

Not an assessment of your situation, just my observations in regards to the type of situation you describe.

Have you thought about maybe taking some time apart (not breaking up, but maybe a solo vacation) to see how you cope without your best friend?

Well, we have had a week apart, with very little communication. That did not go well on my end, but most of the time, I was letting my emotions control my actions. Just recently, we have begun to spend less and less time together outside of our normal school schedule, but she shows interest in spending more time together.

Not to pry, but it seems as though this has been an issue in the past.

Boom. In my last "relationship" I had my partner cheat on me "very physically" with my old best friend. I try to shrug it off, but that has really scarred me, and I couldn't deal with that again...

Write down your thoughts in a journal and then read them back. You'll see signs of rash decision making in those thoughts, and you can deal with them appropriately.

I do a version of this already. I write her letters or notes, and then decide if it would be a good idea for her to read it or not. Most of them don't make it, as I think they would be a bad influence on our relationship..

Thanks a lot for the help guys. Whatever you have to say is very valuable, and I thank you for your time.

Trust and acceptance...

Adder wrote: Also it might depend whether the pleasure your getting from the relationship is being with her, or from her being with you. The later seems more ideal to me as it is less selfish and connected to the other person's intentions. If its just your own pleasure from being with her, then it might be a more lust based experience for you, which can be harder to control effectively in two way relationships. Not necessarily sexual lust, but also desire for future outcomes in regards to the relationship. That path can lead to controlling tendencies over the other person to fall in line with your own expectations.
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You pretty much nailed me on the head right there. I became very overcontrolling and I was trying to fit her in this plan that I had for her, and I realized that it wasn't the way I wanted the relationship to go. I quickly changed that, and I am looking at the relationship from a new light. I would like to think that I have the situation under control, but it's that fear that creeps up on me.