wit's end

not sure if this is even in the proper area but need to try and get some of this off my chest cause it is eating me alive. i have been unemployed for the past several months and have been hoping to find work with another retail store however that has not happened and have received only one interview since then. i wasn't as worried because my wife was still working and between that and what i was making on unemployment our bills were being paid and i was still able to get the things we needed. granted we had to basically cut out all "fun" spending but it was something that was doable. however a little over a week ago my wife lost her job due to missing an ave of one day a month. let me add she is also 6 months pregnant and a few of the days she missed were because all 3 of us (we have a 15 month son) were very very ill spent several hours in the er for him one day but the place she was employed by didnt care there was no compassion regardless of the situation. the final mark against her came two weeks ago as i was taking her to work our van completely died right in front of our house as we were leaving and seized up so i couldnt even push it. long story short we thought we were gonna have to junk it but were extremely lucky and it was just all the computer crap they put into cars now a days that needed reset and reinstalled. she was let go a couple of days later for something that was completely and totally out of anyone's control. now i not saying i think it ok to miss work or anything but the way the world is anymore they want you available 24/7 and god forbid you have a personal life where you need a day off. if you sick well you better just show up and hide it cause if ya call off well there 50 other people we can give your job to. what happened to the days where a business understood that things happen and long as it not a weekly thing missing work things generally were ok? anyway i guess the point of this whole post is now i find out without warning that my unemployment might run out this week never got a letter, e-mail, nothing to tell that and her's will take a few weeks to set up. i have been applying like a mad man to anyplace i can find that has an opening including those i was avoided for personal reasons before but still have yet to get a phone call. i am in a total panic cause i afraid that this will continue and we will lose our home and be forced....well honestly i dont even know where. we are already in state funded housing but even they can only do so much for you they still expect rent which is understandable but when there is no or limited money every penny counts and is needed for something. i to the point i counting how many diapers we go through a day and how soon i need to buy more and it killing me inside. i feel like a complete failure as a husband and father because this is not how a family should live worried wither or not they will have a roof over their heads next month. i suffer from what i would call "natural depression" (don't really remember a time where i wasn't depressed in some way shape or form) and is something i never been able to get under control. for a while i used to see a councilor but without insurance i haven't been able to see one for several years now. am also supposed to be medicated for ADD but again can't for same reasons. i have been struggling to be a good father and everyone tells me i doing a great job my son is...well ya know i just cant really describe it and i sure other parents get what i mean lol. however i know lately my temper has been almost nonexistent and been yelling at him alot even though i know he doesn't really understand what i saying. the breaking point came the other night he had done something wrong and got his hand smacked and later that night one of us went to reach for something and he pulled back and flinched. nothing made me feel more like a monster the knowing my own child might be afraid of me. so many things i need to work on and know i need help but so very few options. idk maybe this was a bad idea to post but at least by getting it in the open and hopefully being able to talk bout it with others will help me through what is the hardest moment in not just my life but my family's as well. any and all advice is appreciated but if you just gonna rip me a new one please save it i have enough negative input from people and when ya down like i have been it just makes me shut down so please save it. not saying i want everyone to be like oh pity me and what not just need some help is all i asking

That sucks, and we are here for you. *internet-based manly display of fraternal affection*

Seriously, if you need anything, let someone know. I can't speak for anybody else, but I'm always up to listen if you need to vent your stress a bit.

thanks little things like that really mean a lot. i honestly dont have many friends and the few i have while they closer to me then some family i dont like to dump all my problems on them when i know they have their own to deal with so i tend to keep it all bottled up

I've been there. I know just what you mean. Your not alone. You'll get through it and be stronger for it. I am.

Hmmm....I know how you feel in regards to the finances...I was unemployed for 3 years and only just recently began working again...it absolutely sucks to go from knowing your bills are being paid on time to not knowing if you'll even be able to buy food...to make it even harder is losing phone service (hard to get calls for interviews with no phone), losing your license (hard to get to interviews with no transportation)...I went from having my own 3 bedroom 2 bath to having just a bedroom at my mom's...and for someone as private/independent as me it's pure torture...

It's an employers market now...they can pick and choose whom they hire, and they can treat the employees any way they want because there's a line waiting behind them ready to jump in...greed is a terrible thing...look at how many full time employees got fired or switched to part time just so corporations can avoid covering health care...and yet the executives still get their ridiculous bonuses...even if they run the company into the ground...

Take some time to get out into nature and bond with your family...this respite in nature away from the troubles of the world can be refreshing...when the frustration begins seeping in find a private quiet place, take a deep breath, and as you exhale say "fahkit" (sorry for the modified profanity but it works for me) let the frustration wash away with the exhale (on occasion you may have to do it more than once)

Things will get better, it's during our most trying times that our greatest strength emerges.

I am not the best to say anything, because, in the last years my life is like yours up and down, down deep down, but.....

There is something that really can help you.
BE POSITIVE,
take a pen a piece of paper, and write there, everything for what you can say THANK YOU, then set in that paper, everything you like to accomplish in the near future, (health, job, love), be specific, not general., stick that paper in a place where you can see it, every day, read it, every time you can, say thank you, and ask for those things you need, try to visualize every single thing you ask, like your new job,
and when you are going down in your depression, run to that paper, read it again, and again...

try that. it works.