My husband started last year saying "This will be our year" (2012)
I smiled and said, sure! I thought we had been through a lot and it was a comfort to believe things would be better and we had the courage to face it all together. What I didn't know was how many trials we would and I alone would face to make it to 2013.
I made a resolution to myself to really try to focus and at least give myself one hour a week to work on my spiritual self. Any more time would be welcomed but I want to start with an hour. I need to give myself that. I've been wandering too long.
In my last post I talked about the "c" word. Cancer. Truthfully I was scared. In less than two weeks from being diagnosed with a large uterine tumor I was being wheeled into surgery to remove it. That was in the end of June.
Now last March my husband who has diabetes also had a serious problem. His disease attacked his eyes. Usually people have problems with limbs and such but instead his diabetes went straight to his eyes and in the course of one of his laser treatments the doctor tried a controversial drug that almost killed his left eye. We were so close to him actually loosing the eye. We agreed to another controversial procedure to try and save it and we did but his eye now is all but dead and he will never see out of his left eye very well again. However he is just fine for driving and such, no problems.
The day of my surgery I was scared. I will not lie, I was afraid that at 30 years old I would have a hysterectomy and I would loose the chance to bear children, something I've always held near and dear. There was going to be two options. One they were going to biopsy it and see if it was malignant. If it could be removed they would but I would have to be cut open quite big to do it. I was okay with that, scars don't scare me. However I also told them I have problems with anesthetic and that I don't do well. They didn't listen.
Once I was out of surgery and semi conscious, whatever drug they gave me put me into six hours of convulsions. It was terrifying. I could hear everyone screaming around me but my body wouldn't stop shaking violently. I could even hear my husband calling my name. I couldn't open my eyes and all I could do was moan, no words.....my body finally relaxed and I found some rest and earned myself a night in the hospital for my ordeal.
The news was that the tumor was benign and sadly not removable. My obgyn told me to get pregnant right away if we wanted kids and have as many as I want as fast as possible then have the hysterectomy. She also mentioned that a specialist might be able to remove the tumor but I'd have to go to Mayo Clinic to do it. She told me she bought me about six months and that if I wasn't pregnant in six months to call her back.
We went home optimistic but guarded.
Now during the middle of June we borrowed my fathers motorcycle. It was a beautiful 1100 Yamaha V-Star. An amazing machine, simply great fun. My husband also owns a smaller bike and has been riding since he was 16 years old. My whole family rides bikes. Chris and I were able to do a lot of great things with that bike including a Patriot Guard run (we are members) and even watched the 4th of July fireworks off the bike. That was an amazing experience. So when we found out about a motorcycle rally on the 15th of July we switched schedules with our coworkers, grabbed our leathers, jumped on the bike and went down the road.....excited to celebrate that we both had had bad health problems but we had overcome them and were glad to be together and alive.
It was an odd day....maybe it was the wind......maybe it was the gravel......but the last thing I remember was my husband screaming "HOLD ON!!!!" I remember glancing over his shoulder and seeing the speedometer saying about 40 mph. I remember tucking myself behind him and hearing the breaks of the bike squeal......
I woke up a day later in the hospital on a respirator. My left hand was shattered, too many breaks to count, it was pulverized. My neck was broken at C2, in two places. My back was broken into multiple compression fractures on T8 and T10. I had collapsed my lungs and was not breathing at the scene. I was airlifted and was not expected to live. In fact the first report out was that I was dead at the scene.
My husband fared better. He was able to stay closer to the bike. He told me later that the wind was terrible that day and I do remember that. He said it was pushing us around like a rag doll and he wanted to just get around this sharp corner and pull into the small town that was coming up to talk to me about turning around and going home. He told me the wind was so bad as we came around that final corner that it slapped us onto the side of the road and thats when we hit gravel. He told me thats when he screamed hold on. He was able to lay the bike down but as we slid into the ditch we hit a clump of grass and the bike catapulted us. Chris went about ten feet and broke 4 ribs and shattered his shoulder blade into fifteen pieces. I was launched an estimated 30-35 ft. Chris remained semi awake through the whole thing and remembered most of what happened.
Fast forward to today, I'll skip all the rehab and recovery, My husband completely healed. He didn't require surgery and is back to work. He's an amazing man.
I required surgery on my wrist and ended up with two plates and ten pins. I still have floating fractures but they are going to leave them alone. My neck is mostly healed but my back is still giving me a lot of trouble. However I can walk. I didn't loose that ability. I can stand up for about a half hour to 45 minutes before I have to sit down from pain. But I am here and it could have been a lot worse. I'm thankful for the chance to continue to be here.
My husband said that last year was going to be our year. I did not know how much that could entail however we were talking the other day and we mentioned that.
I now realize that last year was our year. Life threw so much at us and we are still here, together and I believe stronger and after all, if we can overcome what we did, we have a destiny and I'm looking forward to the lessons the force has yet to teach me.
May the Force be with you Always.
"O Great Spirit, Help me always to speak the truth quietly, to listen with an open mind when others speak, and to remember the peace that may be found in silence"
Kaylee: How come you don't care where you're going?
Book: 'Cause how you get there is the worthier part.
Firefly Series
Apprenticed to: Phortis Nespin
Apprentices: None Currently
