bullied

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11 years 1 month ago #95627 by
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I KNOW the feeling Maynoth...

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11 years 1 month ago #95631 by
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I was always bullied in elementary school and middle school. I was different and had a unique way of thinking, so I was an obvious target. My father was no help and would always comment on how weak I was being and that if I was letting it happen then obviously I deserved it. But I got bigger and lifted weights a lot more then I got myself some good friends who would have my back nomatter what. By high school, nobody bothered me and it all slipped to memory. I ignored it an had friends with me all the way. I don't know if that helps but that's my story.

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11 years 1 month ago #95942 by
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I had two attempts on me by bullies during elementary and middle school. The first one was stopped by my own interaction, the second was more interesting.

The first one was a cocky kid in elementary school when I was in 6th grade. He tried to bully me and his first attempt with me was met with a brawling fight in the school yard. He never bothered me after that.

The second one was in middle school. At that time I was trying to be a good Christian (Mormon), i.e. turn the other cheek as Jesus taught. So this bully was bothering me in the classroom. The most frustrating thing I experienced during this bullying is that I knew I could have kicked the crap out of him if I wanted to, but I was trying to implement Jesus' turn the other cheek philosophy (which can be debated on its own merits).

Finally, one day, I had had enough and I was going to fight back in class and stop this, because my turning the other cheek was not encouraging this kid to back down (big surprise). During the lunch hour I saw this bully actually being ganged up on by several of the "gang" members at the school. He looked very frightened and they were throwing little rocks at him and smacking him on the head, etc. At first I was like "Yes! Serves him right the punk!" But then I started to feel bad for him because this "gang" of kids was not letting up on him.

Eventually a security guard broke it up and that was the end of it. The kid never attempted to bully me in class again. I never had to lift a finger, but at the same time, I had to endure some pain in the mean time.

I'm NOT saying that is the best way to deal with bullies, far from it. I just thought it was interesting how that one played out...

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11 years 1 month ago #95947 by
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One can find a bible quote to fit just about any situation. True, Jesus said turn the other cheek, but he also said, "He that does not have a sword, sell his cloak and buy one." Then later he said, "He that lives by the sword shall die by it." - didn't you just tell me to get a sword?
I too have suffered at the hands of bullies and I'd love to think that karma or god or SOMETHING would "get even" with them. Unfortunately that was not usually the case. "God helps those who help themselves", right? And yet, "violence begets violence."
After more than 4 decades on this contradictory trip I've come to learn something: It all comes out in the wash. Sometimes adversity is placed in our path as a test of our strength or determination - "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." Sometimes we're not seeing the whole picture - your bully was himself a victim of bullying, as is often the case. Sometimes life is just unfair. When we dwell on the negative we give it power. My bullies have gone on with their lives just as I have: Some have suffered (some by my own hand) and some have not. It's hard when happening, but "This too shall pass."

Peace and love

Aladdin

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11 years 1 month ago #95967 by
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Yes, I realize that now (as a 31 year old) that the Bible is full of internal inconsistencies. But my 12 year old mind was not aware of the myriad of issues when I was trying to put that specific teaching of Jesus into practice.

And I do see wisdom in that teaching, but not universally. It can only be applied in a vacuum in certain cirumstances (at least the way I would teach it to someone).

I don't believe that God helps those that help themselves. (But that is a subject for another thread).

"This too shall pass"

Completely agree with that!

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11 years 1 month ago #96008 by Adder
Replied by Adder on topic Re: bullied
Power does seem to corrupt some people, even if its only the tiniest perception of power!!! I was psychologically bullied in the workplace, but I let it happen so I guess it was not too bad. I didn't mind that they were finding the power to express themselves, despite they were making themselves look foolish to others (and not to mention opening avenues of litigation for me!).

It had long been a time for me to move on so I took it as part of the Universe telling me that very thing. By letting it go as I did it hopefully reached a point of ludicrousness that he himself realized the absurdity of what he was doing and changed his behaviour before someone less forgiving became his victim.

Now a big problem with bullies is the people who support them, and what I did was in a way support him indirectly by allowing it to continue, but as the only victim at that time I justified it as acceptable. In this particular case I still think he was too weak to be a real threat to others, but I hope I didnt show him that surrounding himself with weakness was a valid excuse to feel empowerment by bullying them. I now think it should be confronted and stopped in all circumstances as it seems fundamentally destructive.

Knight ~ introverted extropian, mechatronic neurothealogizing, technogaian buddhist. Likes integration, visualization, elucidation and transformation.
Jou ~ Deg ~ Vlo ~ Sem ~ Mod ~ Med ~ Dis
TM: Grand Master Mark Anjuu

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11 years 1 month ago #96031 by
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The whole subject of bullying is a bit sticky - it's not a simple, black-and-white issue. I stand by my earlier post: To focus on the negative is to give it power. I can only speak from my personal experiences - and from my personal experience I know that ignoring it is akin to condoning it. I was followed (and sometimes chased) home by groups of children who found it absolutely hilarious that they could say and do whatever they wanted and I would just keep on walking. What I eventually discovered was if I stood my ground and punched the one with the loudest voice square in the mouth the others were quick to leave me be - even if my initiation of a physical confrontation resulted in my ass getting kicked. I suppose they may have respected the fact that I had reached my limit - what is probably closer to the truth is they didn't want to get punched in the mouth themselves.
I believe we have to stand up for ourselves and our beliefs, but we also have to pick our battles. Many say we have a moral obligation to right a wrong whenever possible - “All it takes for evil to succeed is for a few good men to do nothing...” (Edmund Burke). Just to cloud this murky issue further, Edmund Burke also said, “He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper.” - or better yet, “No power so effectually robs the mind of all its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.” (Also Edmund Burke - Thank you Goodreads.com)
I think what I'm trying to say is most bullies are trying to establish power and dominance over those they are bullying - It's the weak preying on the weaker in an effort to feel a sense of worth. There are far too many extenuating circumstances to give one cure-all remedy. I think many times the bully is simply starved for attention - by giving them the attention they crave they continue with the bullying; we reinforce their negative behavior. And yet, as Vincent Vega (Pulp Fiction, 1994) so eloquently put it, "...it's f--kin' dangerous to have a race car in the f--kin' red." - a person can only be pushed so far.
I hope that was sufficiently confusing for you.


Peace and Love

Aladdin Sane

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