Taking "should" out of your personal vocabulary

I stumbled across an interesting excerpt from the biography of actress Linda Gray, "The Road to Happiness is Always Under Construction". She is best known as her role as Sue Ellen Ewing in Dallas :

"
It causes inertia. "Should I?" is tacit permission to blow something off. If you give yourself the option of being lazy, you'll take it.
It fosters guilt. "I should really lose weight" or "I should get some exercise" is a constant reminder that you're not doing it.
It erodes self esteem. "I should stop smoking" or "I should make new friends" only calls attention to the fact that you feel helpless to combat an addiction or improve your social life.
It reinforces the thing you "shouldn't" do. If you say, "I shouldn't nag my kids," your subsconscious only hears "nag my kids".
It's annoying. How do you react when someone says to you, "You really should go to this restaurant?" It's like they know more than you do and are rubbing it in your face (or maybe that's how it feels on a bad day). No one likes being told what to do.
It's sabotage. As soon as I say "should", I can feel my resolve weaken. But when I use positive language, like "I choose happiness and health", there's no issues about whether or not to take my gratitude walk or make my smoothie. There's no "should" about taking care of myself. I don't say, "I should really go to bed early tonight". I just go to bed early! By removing "should", you can get so much more done. That's good. We've got so much more to do.

I've got nothing."

Wow.... :blink:

I should really take "should" out of my vocabulary!

This is something I should have done a long time ago! :S

Oh shoot... I'm still using it! :pinch:

LOL :woohoo:

I could not agree more with this. Thank you so much for posting. I have been working towards the goal of removing 'should' from my vocabulary for some time now, and I have to say it is not easy at all. When I use it in a sentence 9 times out of 10 I will correct what I said and remove the use of 'should'.

I should read this every day

It's really sad to see how weak people are. Yes I said it.

As soon as I say "should", I can feel my resolve weaken.

A bit melodramatic don't you think?

I Should get up and go work out.

I should really start getting dressed to pick up my daughter from the bus stop in a hour

I should go finish the dishes....

Mmmm Nope. I feel fine! No weakness in the knees....no wobbly spine....no shortness of breath....Yup. I'm good. Why? Because I know what I SHOULD Do and I will, eventually. Or I wont. So what?

Lets try it this way.

You should try accepting YOU (general) more.

You should learn to recognize the things you SHOULD do and make commitments to the things you can and not let the things you can't get you down.

You should smile and accept that not everything is perfect

You SHOULD be You rather than try and change You because of the opinions of others.

Just my thoughts. I'll continue to use "Should" because it's who I am and I am resolute in myself both the things I can do...and should do.

This is very interesting. I have heard that words such as "very" "I think/feel" or "thing" shouldn't be used, but it was always in the context of trying to appear professionally literate. "Should" is much more focused on personal development, which I find very refreshing.

Reflecting, I can see how this contributes to a lot of self-negativity and almost zero productivity.

"I should run more."
"I should smile more."
"I should volunteer more."
"I should study more."
"You shouldn't do that."

It only exists as a word to put blame on something. Removing it doesn't remove the fact that we NEED to do something, it just removes the idea that we feel GUILT over it.

"I will run more."
"I will."
"I'll volunteer more."
"I will study more."
"Don't do that."

Immediately more affirmative with an aura of positivist. This seems almost universally better unless you're not a "go-get-em" "just do it" person.

---

Thank you!'

Skryym, Novice of the Jedi Order

Not to be that Jedi, but it's very "Do or do not" don't you think? I like it. I think that changing how we say things can have a profound impact on our mental attitudes. I, for one, have tried to stop using the word "hate." There's enough of that out there without me saying it all the time.

Trisskar, I do see your point though. I think that it is up to the person. If you can use "should" and not feel like it effects you then keep going. On the other hand, if someone else feels like a change of phrasing will help them then I don't think it's melodramatic at all. Just a different point of view.

Trisskar wrote: It's really sad to see how weak people are.

Proteus wrote:

Trisskar wrote: It's really sad to see how weak people are.

Aww! Thanks for the compliment! :laugh:

Trisskar, I do see your point though. I think that it is up to the person. If you can use "should" and not feel like it effects you then keep going. On the other hand, if someone else feels like a change of phrasing will help them then I don't think it's melodramatic at all. Just a different point of view.

100% agree However if someone can put up their point of view...I can post mine as well

Please understand I am not attempting to be mean....but to incite some food for thought here.

Courage: To have the will. ....Plays a role here

To be a Jedi sometimes means choosing the more difficult path, the personally expensive one. A Jedi knows they must make the right choice, take the right side and that the weak they have sworn to defend often stand alone. A Jedi puts aside fear, regret, and uncertainty yet knows the difference between courage and sheer stupidity.

If we allow things like simple choice of words to weaken our resolve. What does that say about us as Jedi?

It is ok to want to change how we approach things. Such as but not limited to, our use of words and approach. Its actually not a bad thing! Self improvement is always a great goal in the pursuit of Knowledge.

But when we give up our courage and allow things to weaken our resolve then we give into fear and we know how that cycle spirals downwards.

Replacing the word dosn't change the action.

I will get dressed to pick up my daughter!

Dosn't mean I have done it yet (I still have 50 mins)

Words dosn't change action. Your actions are what changes your words.

Again. Just my thoughts.

Yes it's ok to work on self improvement and have personal choices.....but one SHOULD (I feel) Be considerate to how they allow it to effect themselves in the process.

it's ok to work on self improvement and have personal choices.....but one SHOULD (I feel) Be considerate to how they allow it to effect themselves in the process.

Trisskar I think this is what Linda Gray is trying to say all along...know yourself, know your goals, and don't give yourself the short end of the stick. Personally, I don't see weakness there. Only strength.