I need advice from anyone, really.

I'm with Wes- I'd leave it alone and explain to my father that if his wife isn't willing to drop the issue- you would be willing to meet him when she's not around. If he's not willing to do that- he really doesn't care enough about the relationship. This shouldn't just be your job to mend your relationship with him, first see if he cares about you as his son, and move from their.

If my stepfather treated me like crap and required an email apology, he would not get it. I'd tell my mom he would have to accept a physical handshake with an agreement from both our sides to let the past rest and forge a new relationship. Until then, she has every invitation to see me and my family alone.

Fortunately, I have a good relationship with my stepfather.

Ultimately this is your decision- I'm just giving you my prospective.

I would have to agree with Brenna and Others. If we are each to have our own lives, we must learn that it is each individual relationship that is what matters. We cannot tie one relationship dependent on another. Every person is different and therefore must be dealt with individually.

At this point I want to say something about attachment, but am having difficulty in expressing what I want to say. It is your life, your decisions, your path. As much as I want to see everyone have a good relationship with their parents, it is a fact that we can choose our friends, but we are stuck with family. Although true in a blood relation way, it is the attachment to this philosophy that causes the suffering that families are all to often subjected and forever destined to endure.

Only you can make the decision as to the fate of your relationship with your father. I would caution that communications is the key to all problems and that you should make sure that the message you truly wish to convey, has been delivered in a manner that is fully understood, in a manner that is respectful of his stature as the father, but with understanding that you are on your own path.

I respect that you stood up for your mother and sister when they could not defend themselves, just make sure that the message you received was given as you interpreted to be. Not withstanding, I wish for guidance from the Force for you, and pray for the right outcome, no matter what that is.

I guess I'm the lone wolf on this. I'd try to fix the realtionship and if failed could live with knowing I tried my best.

Having said that (uh oh flip flop alert)

If I wanted the relationship or valued it I would do what I could to salvage it in order TO GET WHAT I WANT. If I didn't value it I wouldn't waste my time.

EX I got a divorce at an early age. She wanted to get back together after a while. After attempting three times to work things out I was done. Couldn't care less about the witch since then.

So my question is, Do YOU VALUE the relationship enough to suck it up?

Rickie The Grey wrote: I guess I'm the lone wolf on this. I'd try to fix the realtionship and if failed could live with knowing I tried my best.

Not so, I agree with you on this one. As Brenna says, parents are just people. They may make mistakes, or they may have reasons the single point of view we've heard doesn't necessarily appreciate. As Jedi I believe we are obliged to try and make peace, and writing an email is not a big ask. If some of my problems could be solved with a simple email you can be damn sure I'd "swallow my pride" as the OP put it and get the email written.

Life is about compromise, and many people don't like the step-parents they're faced with. Many also treat step-parents unfairly or unkindly for things which are really no fault of the step-parent. I'm not suggesting that's what's happened here, merely that we see one side of this and if the OP is considering the email at all, I'm guessing they see some value in fixing this thing.

All this talk of the dad being manipulative, well that's not how it sounded to me. It sounds like a guy who loves his partner and loves his son and wants to find a way for them to get on. Someone trying to "manipulate" (my choice of word would be "mediate") things into harmony. Sounds pretty Jedi to me, as it happens.

I was referring to the step-mother as being the one doing the manipulating and the Father being the enabler. That is why I said, “what he was allowing to happen.”

I agree that we should look for middle ground and try to resolve issues. But there comes a point where one must ask themselves if it is worth it.

In the beginning of the topic many people seemed to be all for “patching” things up. Which is good! But there is always more than one side or point of view to every situation.

Being a single parent for over a dozen years, I feel I can relate to the Fathers position. Being a son with a step parent, I feel I understand the position he is in as well. There are always hard choices to make, but those tend to be the ones where we have an emotional investment made. If you step back from that and calculate the situation for what it is the answer usually seems simple… hard but simple.

We are all just human, but in my opinion, that does not excuse parents from our obligations to their children. No matter how old they are.

And it certainly does not excuse the child’s behavior.

Without having actually experienced the event or the following time, and with the little information GreyWesbrock has offered (and I wouldn't ask for more, I know he gave what he was comfortable with) it's hard for me to make a recommendation on what to do or to take sides. So I'm trying to see this from a standpoint of "what may have been".

On one hand I feel that if I hadn't done anything wrong, I shouldn't make an apology. But I can tell you there's been lots of times in my life where I felt I was fully justified in what I said or did....but justified or not, it wasn't the right thing to do. I've also had countless times where I've said or did something and hurt another unintentionally. This happens in life. A lot. But when I've found I've given offence, I either try to explain what I meant, try to understand why the other got upset, and then offer an apology if I feel it is necessary. Sometimes, despite hurt feelings, I don't feel there was anything to apologize for.

For one reason or another, my mom has separated us from the extended family. And when she re-married, she did it to most of his family too. I don't remember the exact words but she prevented him from seeing them and the only reason I remember hearing is that they took advantage of him (which I never saw). My mother makes up a lot of reasons that aren't true for the things she does so I'm not sure how far to believe it. But I grew up in a household where I had to apologize just to keep the peace. Apologize for everything. If I didn't apologize, I got disciplined. I understand the want to hold onto family. To do nearly anything to keep the peace. And I understand that some sacrifices are worth that.

In a perfect world, if a spouse was threatening to leave the partner over the partner's child, that should be throwing up some BIG red flags all over the place for them. But sometimes people are too timid, too sweet, too easy going, too in love, too abused, too whatever to want to risk that in their marriage. It took my Father in law's (whom I love as a dad) ex-wife trying to kill him with a kitchen knife while he was sleeping to divorce her. I heard there were crazy problems that I probably wouldn't have put up with in that marriage but it took THAT for him to say "enough". (This was all long before I met the family ).

So with the facts presented, I see a few outcomes. If Grey writes the letter and it works out perfectly, he will still have to swallow the resentment I'm sure he still would feel towards his step-mom every time he saw her. But maybe, at some point, they both can get past what happened and at least be comfortable with each other. Or he writes a heart-felt letter and the step-mom DOESN'T take it so well and he's back to square one but with even more hurt feelings (probably on both sides)

If he doesn't write the letter, he puts his dad into a situation where he has to take sides. Maybe he doesn't get to see his dad anymore. Maybe he does and his wife rips their lives apart (maybe dad is or isn't better off in the end because of it). Maybe his wife comes to an understanding that she's going overboard. That it's not right to force a choice between a man's wife and his own son and it'll all work out in the end. How much will Grey feel responsible for it all (despite what he SHOULD feel responsible for)? How much collateral damage is he willing to accept?

In a black-and-white kind of world, if Grey has nothing to apologize for, he shouldn't apologize. But when you toss people into any equation you get all sorts of colors and shades in the end. I think the choice comes down to how much does he value his relationship with his father and what he's willing to do about it.

Let's look at this from a perspective of "The Game of Black and White." For you to fully understand the concept of forgiveness, there has to be someone for you to forgive. Look at it as an opportunity to grow within yourself. Once you realize that these are just people, with everyday problems just like the rest of us. Giving someone something they need, whether they deserve it or not, is still you giving of yourself in service to others. They may come back and use it against you at some point, and I have a feeling that is why they want it in writing, but, as Martina McBride sings - "Do It Anyway."

There have already been some fine examples given of what to say, just be sure to be sincere about wanting to start over.

It really sounds as if your family is just using you as an emotional punching bag. The real question is: are you willing to be that punching bag for them? As Rocky Balboa said - "It's not about how many times you get hit; it's about how many times you can get hit and still move forward!"

Thanks again, to everyone.(I'm too lazy to click the thank you button on every reply) I have resolved the issue with the advice given, and hopefully it will work. If not, at least I tried. Thank you all for being so supportive and helpful, I really appreciate it.

May the Force be with you Grey, I hope everything works out to the best it can be