What to do with anger?

Similarly to what Wescli was talking about, I like to try to observe emotions from a distance.

When feeling anger we tend to focus on the person, object or situation that is the source of our frustration. We concentrate on blame - "Jim is being so rude to me!" or "The internet is running so slowly!"

As long as we keep the focus outward, we reinforce the feeling that the universe is being unfair to us and it keeps the anger bubbling.

Ideally (and it's obviously much easier said than done when in the heat of the moment) I like to focus inwards on my own reaction - ask myself "Why does that bother me?" and identify my personal insecurities that act as triggers for the anger.

Sometimes it really helps me to understand that I don't need to be angry, and at that point, the anger becomes much more of a choice.

Ah, anger.....something I'm good with....don't ignore it, don't act on it...accept it, harness it, redirect it....bend it to your will...ignoring it causes health issues, acting on it causes social/legal issues. Harnessing it and redirecting it (giving it focus) gives you strength....at a price though....often physical...I find that a heavy bag works wonders for unleashing maximum anger with minimal harm,while also giving a good workout....for release of most angers/aggravation I find taking a deep breath and saying "fah kit" while exhaling works well...

"How much more dangerous the consequences of anger are than the causes." - Marcus Aurelius.

Picture yourself a Roman Emperor. You are a commander of an army in the middle of a war. All around you, you see pain, death, despair, and hopelessness. You know it is caused by unhappiness. You know that people are just waging war because of their egos. And... you get pissed about it. You have anger about it. Marcus writes this:

"Tell yourself, when you feel upset and fed up, that human life is transient and only lasts a moment; it won’t be long before we’ll all have been laid to rest. Get rid of this, make a decision to quit thinking of things as insulting, and your anger immediately disappears. How do you get rid of these thoughts? By realising that you’ve not really been harmed by their actions. Moreover, unless genuine harm to your soul is all that worries you, you’ll wind up being guilty of all sorts of offences against other people yourself."

What does he mean by "You've not really been harmed". It sure hurt when my ex girlfriend dumped me. I was messed up for a LONG time. No joke. But, really, I've come to see that the emotions I had attached to her stayed attached to her. And that was a revelation for me. When we assign emotions to people, and those emotions are ripped from us, we are unhappy.

For example, with my mom. I love my mother. And, I assign the emotion of amor to her. When she dies, I'm going to have a hard time unless I remember that the emotion is attached to her. I have assigned my mom: "Love". And, when she dies, will I still love her? Yes. Will I be able to express it in the same way? No.

To keep from being hurt and messed up by my emotions, I just realize that the love I gave her was worth it all in itself. It does not have to continue forever, and it doesn't have to stay the same forever. My feelings that I've assigned to her can morph. They can go from amor to grieving to memory to love all over again. I have to accept this cycle... and then I can move on with my life and go with the present moment.

What Marcus is meaning behind his words is something similar... We are never really hurt. We always have the capacity to be the best we can be. At ANY time. Even before and after death. In the face of hurt, we can be good. After running a mile, we can run another mile. It might kill us, but it's within the realm of possibility.

This is kind of a Stoic idea. When life wants to destroy you, as it does every moment because change is inevitable, you can either stand there and be the best you can be anyway... or you can allow the waves of change to drown you in the sorrows of the past.

Anger is always a product of the past. It is impossible to be angry and in the moment at the same time. Why? Because it requires you to give away some of your awareness for unbridled passion. It is like when Anakin choked Padme. As the Emperor said: "I'm afraid in your anger... you killed her."

To be the best person you can be in the face of pain? That requires constant training of the mind, body, and soul.

My suggestion is as follows:
1. Meditate, every day.
2. Cut out foods that raise your blood pressure/sugar. (For example, sodas).
3. Get plenty of sleep.
4. Exercise frequently.

Here's my reasoning. If you meditate every day, you will learn to control your mind. You will be able to shape its focus. Meaning, when you might be tempted to get angry, you might have more choice in the matter.

If you eat a lot of sugar, you will be cranky. A lot. I know, I have a 2 year old nephew. My parents give him sugar, and he gets really emotional every time. You'd think they'd catch on...

If you sleep enough, you will be centered more easily. Also, sleep regularly and get a 30 minute rest/nap in every afternoon.

And, if you exert energy through exercise, it is much easier to not get excitable when faced with stimulating problems.

Thank you for your adices! I will not repress anger, I will defeat it with meditation, fighting the ego, exercise and good nutricion.

To respond to Connor's comment about his nephew, I have a 4 year old son, Aiden-Gabriel ( his name means "Little firey one, god give me strength) after he has too much sugar, I call him " The dark lord of the cuteness" because he turns from this nice sweet padawan, to this wild, loud shouting, seemingly angry at the world 4 year old. so sugar DOES DEFINATELY have a negative effect.

may i suggest physical exercise i find it works well and can flush out any build up of hormones or toxins that maybe being over manufactured by your body.

the body is the mind : )

Send me a message and I'll gladly talk with you. I know how all of this feels.

Anger, if properly channeled, can be a prime force for motivation towards changing your life for the better. Been saving this for a rainy day, enjoy...
http://boldanddetermined.com/2012/04/24/how-to-channel-your-anger-into-power/

A few thoughts come to mind. It may not be useful to 'defeat' one's anger. The anger is present for a reason. It is in you, created by you. One should not regard any part of themselves as an enemy. If there is misunderstanding, then observe and ask. But the self should not be an adversary.

One cannot control what they feel, at least not directly. You can feed a fire or not, but the feelings are there until they pass. We are not responsible for our feelings. We are responsible for our actions. We choose. The anger is exhausting, but managing one's behavior is a victory. For me, it is a matter of what I want.

Am I angry? Yes.

Do I want to act out? Yes.

But I want other things more. So I work to become very sensitive, to notice the anger sooner, hold it out where I can see it sooner. Takes time.

Anger is a terrible master. Good luck, man.

There is a time and place for anger when nothing else will do.

Zenchi wrote: Anger, if properly channeled, can be a prime force for motivation towards changing your life for the better.

And the lives of many others too, Women's Suffrage, the Civil Rights Movement...

It can be very motivating so don't suppress it but at the same time remember you are it's master. Study the reason for your anger and learn to control it. That way you can use it, like all emotions, for your own benefit and the benefit of the world around you.