What to do with anger?

To respond to Connor's comment about his nephew, I have a 4 year old son, Aiden-Gabriel ( his name means "Little firey one, god give me strength) after he has too much sugar, I call him " The dark lord of the cuteness" because he turns from this nice sweet padawan, to this wild, loud shouting, seemingly angry at the world 4 year old. so sugar DOES DEFINATELY have a negative effect.

may i suggest physical exercise i find it works well and can flush out any build up of hormones or toxins that maybe being over manufactured by your body.

the body is the mind : )

Send me a message and I'll gladly talk with you. I know how all of this feels.

Anger, if properly channeled, can be a prime force for motivation towards changing your life for the better. Been saving this for a rainy day, enjoy...
http://boldanddetermined.com/2012/04/24/how-to-channel-your-anger-into-power/

A few thoughts come to mind. It may not be useful to 'defeat' one's anger. The anger is present for a reason. It is in you, created by you. One should not regard any part of themselves as an enemy. If there is misunderstanding, then observe and ask. But the self should not be an adversary.

One cannot control what they feel, at least not directly. You can feed a fire or not, but the feelings are there until they pass. We are not responsible for our feelings. We are responsible for our actions. We choose. The anger is exhausting, but managing one's behavior is a victory. For me, it is a matter of what I want.

Am I angry? Yes.

Do I want to act out? Yes.

But I want other things more. So I work to become very sensitive, to notice the anger sooner, hold it out where I can see it sooner. Takes time.

Anger is a terrible master. Good luck, man.

There is a time and place for anger when nothing else will do.

Zenchi wrote: Anger, if properly channeled, can be a prime force for motivation towards changing your life for the better.

And the lives of many others too, Women's Suffrage, the Civil Rights Movement...

It can be very motivating so don't suppress it but at the same time remember you are it's master. Study the reason for your anger and learn to control it. That way you can use it, like all emotions, for your own benefit and the benefit of the world around you.

This is when meditation is really helpful.
Breathing through it and letting it go is one of the best ways to address it.
As soon as you can catch yourself - stop. breath and reset.
If needed, ask to leave the situation so you can relax and come back to it with a clear head.

baru wrote: This is when meditation is really helpful.
Breathing through it and letting it go is one of the best ways to address it.
As soon as you can catch yourself - stop. breath and reset.
If needed, ask to leave the situation so you can relax and come back to it with a clear head.

This is what I've found helpful... at work I do breathing exercises at my desk to reduce my stress levels

This little story may or may not help - but when I was an Apprentice, it made me think about things. Ultimately we all feel anger, some of us hit anger level faster and or more easily than others - and again, everyone deals with it differently - however, from experience I will say holding it is not a good thing, it just sits inside of you, boiling away until someone else quite innocent says or does something and you explode on them.

The story in a nutshell goes like this

A little first nations boy asked his grandfather why he never seems to get angry - the grandfather said...
"Inside of us all, there lives two wolves, they are both very different, one is kind, gentle, polite and patient,
the other is mean, cruel, dark and very unpleasant to know - both these wolves have the power to control us and ae always struggling to be in control"

The little boy thought about this a while and asked the Grandfather which one ultimately wins to which he got the answer

"Which ever of the two you feed"

I will not lie and say I never feel anger, but through guidance and practise from many people here at the Temple I learned how to feed the two different wolves - Its a matter of finding a way that works for you in order to calm oneself - or at least to not release the anger on those around you - Exercise can help, meditation can too - or even just finding a quiet spot in the park or woods or somewhere and just taking in nature (and or the force)

Me I sit in the garden with a hot tea and listen to the birds - I sometimes think they know something is up as they come down and sit nearby - you cant help but smile when a totally wild animal chooses you for company - even if its only for a few seconds :woohoo:

MTFBWY - A

Ah, master kana it is wonderful to see that you're still around and kicking...as it were :lol:

It has been far too long I think

Anger can beget anger.

My solution is: Breath.
Allow the emotions, thoughts and adrenaline pass through you before you act.

the terms I use are: "Stop, Rest".
When I get triggered I like to stop myself, let the intensity pass, and then start from the stillness.

PS you might want to look into things like "Valerian Root".

baru wrote: PS you might want to look into things like "Valerian Root".

Valerian Root for anger? Where do you get your sources for that? :huh:

i needed this today. some jerk broke the door handle of my car last night.

Kitsu Tails wrote:

baru wrote: PS you might want to look into things like "Valerian Root".

Valerian Root for anger? Where do you get your sources for that? :huh:

Valerian Root is the based for vallium.

it is used for anxiety and tension.

It induces a state of ease.

People who can't sleep are irritable. The reason most people can't sleep is because they have too much on their mind and that can lead to anxiety. If a person relaxes their mind, they can sleep. therefore be less prone to anger.

Since it induces a calming affect, that can help with anger.

Here are some suggested usages of the root:

Additionally, the herb has been used for irritability, depression, anxiety, nervousness, exhaustion, delusions, hysteria and nervous tension. It has also been used as a medicinal herb for panic attacks.

Valerian root has also been shown to relieve pain. This, combined with the sedative effect, makes it effective in relieving headaches (especially stress headaches,) migraines, arthritis and muscle pain.

This herb has also shown promise in treating several nerve disorders. Shingles, sciatica, neuralgia, multiple sclerosis, epilepsy and peripheral neuropathy are all conditions that respond to valerian use.

Valerian root has also been used as an herbal remedy for ADHD in adults and children along with other childhood nervous disorders.

This plant has a positive effect on heart health. It helps to slow the heart in tachycardia, helps regulate arrhythmias and stabilizes blood pressure. Its anti-thrombotic effect helps to prevent blood clots as well.

As one who has had Insomnia and tried just about every sleeping agent out there....including Vularian. I would not suggest it's use. Vularian Root sure does give a state of calm.....And knocks you flat on your back in sleep, just because one is irritable and angry....dosn't mean they should sleep their life away lol If you are like me and grow a resistance to the sleeping effects of the herb. It causes a whole different kind of irritability and makes one feel nauseous and sick.

The whole point of the herb is to cause a sedative effect on the subject, this sedative effect while yes, calms you down and makes things like ADHD, Headaches and other internal "Yang" ailments Such as but not limited to (Irritability, depression, anxiety, nervousness, exhaustion, delusions, hysteria, nervous tension, Migraine, arthritis and muscle pains) have a sense of "Ease" this is because you are pretty much covering up the ailment with a "Cure for all" if your asleep your not suffering. That's like alot of the Anti Depressant drugs Therapists give to hyper active kids in school, it sedates and dumbs them down.

I, am not a doctor, but I wouldn't suggest Vularian Root for any of these concerns besides being a Sleeping Agent. (And super catnip for your cat) There are much better, less dramatic methods of solving Irritability and Anger issues by getting to the root of the problem rather than cover it up with a band-aid. Part of herbal practices is knowing your patient and treating the core problems with core cures.

This is just my opinion of course based on my own experience of Vularian Root. And I can clearly say that Id rather go to Anger Management classes than suffer the effects of Vularian Root on a daily basis

Cabur Senaar wrote: A few thoughts come to mind. It may not be useful to 'defeat' one's anger. The anger is present for a reason. It is in you, created by you. One should not regard any part of themselves as an enemy. If there is misunderstanding, then observe and ask. But the self should not be an adversary.

One cannot control what they feel, at least not directly. You can feed a fire or not, but the feelings are there until they pass. We are not responsible for our feelings. We are responsible for our actions. We choose. The anger is exhausting, but managing one's behavior is a victory. For me, it is a matter of what I want.

Am I angry? Yes.

Do I want to act out? Yes.

But I want other things more. So I work to become very sensitive, to notice the anger sooner, hold it out where I can see it sooner. Takes time.

Anger is a terrible master. Good luck, man.

"Free will can be a bitch, can it?" TMC

Can I ask that before folks use ANY herbal med etc that they get proper professional advise from a trained practitioner, pharmacist or doctor and take extra special care if you have any allergies, pre existing illness and or are already taking some form of medication - the Temple cannot be held responsible if someone falls ill due to something suggested here .

I'm interested in the 'treatment of neuropathy' aspect myself but will have to have a chat with my team on this one

baru wrote: PS you might want to look into things like "Valerian Root".

1. Valerian is most often touted as a sleep aid. Which it generally fails at, considering in my experience it causes horrid nightmares in at least 80% of the people I've personally come into contact with.
2. Using chemical crutches doesn't "fix" your anger issues. It just sweeps them under the rug. The underlying causes are still there, and to ignore them will make it worse in the long run.

Using chemical crutches doesn't "fix" your anger issues. It just sweeps them under the rug. The underlying causes are still there, and to ignore them will make it worse in the long run.

100% correct. Ultimately, when you're dealing with an emotion as pervasive as anger, treating the physiological symptoms and ensuring you get a good night's sleep is only going to do so much: might take the sting out of a particular incident, but this is ultimately a form of chemical-based escapism, and not something that serves to alter either the fact that you can be provoked to anger so strongly, nor that such an incident may yet be repeated in the future.

When we're talking about anger, control and the ability to develop a 'thicker skin' mostly comes through understanding of that emotion. In my experience, it's best if we analyse the emotional reaction along a short sequence:

Stimuli > Emotional Sensation > Emotional Energy > Expression/Response

Put simply, when a situation provokes you, there will undoubtedly be a particular trigger for this, but the psychological/physiological response will be roughly the same: an incident occurs that provokes your emotional trigger (in this case, anger), usually provoking adrenaline production and, typically, a level of psychosomatic 'emotional energy' (which, in essence, is a psychological motivating force, provoking the desire to initiate a response on some level). Incident occurs, you feel angry, you gain that momentary sense of physical empowerment as a consequence of that emotional energy, and this all builds up to an external physical reaction: maybe you swear at someone, punch them in the mouth, just end up kicking something as hard as you can. Whatever the case, it's a straight stimuli-response sequence.

My question to you: where do you imagine the control element comes into play? You've no doubt gotten angry before, and restrained yourself. Where did this occur? You can't control the stimuli (though it's perfectly possible to adjust your psychological triggers to stop a stimuli from provoking that particular reaction!), the emotional sensation (i.e. the initial feeling of anger) is fairly reflexive (and part of our evolutionary survival mechanisms), so where we have to focus our attention is upon that emotional energy: that sense of needing to respond, almost compulsively. The idea behind effective control stems from one of two operations:

1) Alter the emotional trigger so as to be 'immune' to that provocation (i.e. develop a thicker skin!)

2) Redirect the emotional energy into a more positive stimuli-response mechanism

The first is a question of understanding a) what provoked you and b) why it provoked you (what about that situation caused you to be upset?) and settling with it - acceptance of anger and a recognition of it not serving any effective purpose is often sufficient as a catalyst for that change. The second comes down to learning to calm yourself in heightened emotional states and push that emotional energy either to a point where calming down allows it to simply bleed off, or where you can direct it in a more positive manner - I know plenty of people who hold onto anger and then use it as a means of helping them to perform tasks, such as giving them momentary inspiration to paint/draw/cook etc. Some people channel it into physical activity (going for a run, playing a sport etc). There are plenty of effective outlets: the trick is taking control of the emotional expression and deciding what to do with it. Oftentimes takes conscious effort, but it can be done.

My advice to you? Figure out your triggers, and find a coping mechanism that lets you channel your emotional energy more positively when provoked. There's nothing wrong with anger except what you do with it! Find a way to direct it more positively (and preferably to the benefit of others), and you'll be on your way.