Ellen Page's Coming Out Speech

Canadian actress, Ellen Page (from Juno and one of my favorite TV shows, ReGenesis ), came out today at a Las Vegas conference for LGBT teens.

This is one of the most beautiful, sincere, and authentically human speeches I've ever heard (from anyone - gay, straight, or otherwise).



"You're here because you've adopted, as a core motivation, the simple fact that this world would be a whole lot better if we just made an effort to be less horrible to one another.

If we took just 5 minutes to recognize each other's beauty instead of attacking each other for our differences - that's not hard - it's really an easier and better way to live, and ultimately it saves lives.

Then again, it can be the hardest thing, because loving other people starts with loving ourselves and accepting ourselves."

You know I think I might make a lesson on 'Coming Out' that collects together a lot of these different speeches

Never understood the purpose of "coming out".

ren wrote: Never understood the purpose of "coming out".

It could be because you've never had to, neither to yourself nor to all those who had 'other' expectations of/for you.

:dry:

or necessity.

The thing is ren, I sort of see your point about making 'announcements to the World' ...

... the hardest part about 'coming out' is self-acceptance. Rather, in the course of 'self-discovery' one finds properties that run contrary to the familial, cultural & religious conditioning undergone since infancy. One often spends some time trying to fix it, or thinking that it is perhaps a 'phase' even in oneself before getting that treatment from other (often very close) people. Even the 'risk' involved with voluntarily informing others or being found-out, it has to do with the attachments to the the way life was 'from the closet' to the way it may become once "out".

Out of all the dragons one may have to put down, that beastie there is a monster !

I understand both perspectives of this. If asked, I wouldn't deny it, but I wouldn't go out of my way, or to make it a big point, to make it known. It isn't because I don't accept myself, I just don't care to make that my 'centerpiece' in life. It is but a part, and not the whole, of who I am. What Ellen did here was most likely a turning point in her mental state in that now she doesn't feel the need to hide herself, anymore. Being an actor, it's probably better for her to do this instead of 'being found out' in that it makes her feel like she has more control over her life. Please correct me if I'm wrong here.

Things are a big deal when people make a big deal out of them. In that respect the coming out speeches are no different from those "god hates fags" crowds.

It's all just attention seeking, reinforcement of the validity of one's own choices or beliefs.

Besides, there are far worse secrets to keep than one's own sexuality.

So that dragon really is so small it may even only exist in one's mind.

While it may be annoying when people assume you're heterosexual (and are in fact homosexual), I don't see why it can't be handled in exactly the same way as when people assume you're omnivore (and are in fact vegetarian).
-Here have a steak
-No thanks I'm vegetarian

Sure you run a risk of being disowned by your hunter, jewish parents for adopting hitler's views on animal welfare and dietary habits, but let's be frank, all sorts of people have constantly been disowned or kicked out for all sorts of reasons (my neighbour was, for eloping with her husband )

ren wrote: So that dragon really is so small it may even only exist in one's mind.

Dude...

We are a very high percentage of "mental"...

So, what might seem like a small dragon, can, in fact, be a HUGE deal...

It's all well and good saying "Well it just shouldn't matter" or "We make too big a deal out of it" but that, and I will be frank, is entirely and utterly ignorant. People die because of their sexuality, they get thrown out of their homes and suffer mental breakdowns and bullying.

That is why "coming out" can be such a big ordeal. Why does it have to be attention seeking? Sometimes "coming out" can be liberating. As for "validity of one's choices", sometimes validity is good if you are taught for your entire life that something in the core of your being is wrong.

I posted this because I felt it contained a message that everyone could relate to. The point of Ellen's words is less about her sexuality than it is about treating others with respect and being honest with ourselves so we can, in turn, be true to others and more appreciative and accepting of differences.

If anyone has negative feelings about the topic, I recommend (re)watching the video.

Sometimes coming out is more than just being about the person coming out too, especially when it's a celebrity. Sometimes it helps others who are in a situation where they have to hide who they are to know they are not alone and that there is nothing wrong with them.

As someone who had to spend her life hiding in fear of what others would do to her, I can totally relate with the need to be able to finally say out loud, "this is who I am," knowing that those you feared can't hurt you.

Arcade wrote: I posted this because I felt it contained a message that everyone could relate to. The point of Ellen's words is less about her sexuality than it is about treating others with respect and being honest with ourselves so we can, in turn, be true to others and more appreciative and accepting of differences.

If anyone has negative feelings about the topic, I recommend (re)watching the video.

true, however, I'm mostly referring to that bit when she says she's gay, and everyone starts cheering and stuff (and she gets all emotional, etc)


There are far more important and interesting things to cheer than someone who just told a crowd about their sexual preferences. If people started cheering after I told them I like big butts, I would pinch myself to check I'm not in some kind of weird "idiocracy"-themed dream.

It's all well and good saying "Well it just shouldn't matter" or "We make too big a deal out of it" but that, and I will be frank, is entirely and utterly ignorant. People die because of their sexuality, they get thrown out of their homes and suffer mental breakdowns and bullying.

Ignorant? I'd be grateful to be killed by someone who dislikes me for who I am. Most of the others get killed for the money in their pocket, or because they happened to be on the path of a drunk driver, and all sorts of BS reasons
People get thrown out of their homes for all sorts of reasons, in fact, there doesn't even need to be a reason other than the landlord wants you out our you haven't paid the bank. People suffer mental breakdowns all the time, do you really think prozac sells only to homosexuals in or out their closet? And bullying. What a joke, kid. Northern, southern, western, eastern, foreign, peasant, urban, blonde, ginger, [.. insert all known adjectives here ..], all get bullied.

That is why "coming out" can be such a big ordeal. Why does it have to be attention seeking? Sometimes "coming out" can be liberating. As for "validity of one's choices", sometimes validity is good if you are taught for your entire life that something in the core of your being is wrong.

Validation is wrong every single time because all it does is reinforce the idea that for you to be or do something, at least one other person must approve of it.

ren wrote: true, however, I'm mostly referring to that bit when she says she's gay, and everyone starts cheering and stuff (and she gets all emotional, etc)

There are far more important and interesting things to cheer than someone who just told a crowd about their sexual preferences.

Really? When declaring yourself gay gets you life imprisonment in some places I think it's a damned heroic thing to stand up and do. When prejudice awaits you on the street, in your workplace, at home and at school I think it's a damned heroic thing to do.

That is why "coming out" can be such a big ordeal. Why does it have to be attention seeking? Sometimes "coming out" can be liberating. As for "validity of one's choices", sometimes validity is good if you are taught for your entire life that something in the core of your being is wrong.

Validation is wrong every single time because all it does is reinforce the idea that for you to be or do something, at least one other person must approve of it.

If someone's loved one died then it might be all well and good us saying "Well you shouldn't have such a strong attachment to them and you need to learn to let go" and they would probably hit you. Hard.

Why? Because you can't expect everyone to have the wisdom necessary to understand that sort of thing. The same goes for validation, some people need that and if we just criticise them by saying "humans shouldn't need validation" your words will fall on deaf ears because they won't care. So what good would it do?

You can't treat everyone like a Jedi, because not all people are Jedi. In the same way that some of the things my flatmates think are just utterly foreign to me and they've learnt that I'm simply just different to them on some things. You must understand the balance between those two sides. You cannot reject one and expect the other to always take it's place - it's out of touch with reality.

Ignorant? I'd be grateful to be killed by someone who dislikes me for who I am. Most of the others get killed for the money in their pocket, or because they happened to be on the path of a drunk driver, and all sorts of BS reasons
People get thrown out of their homes for all sorts of reasons, in fact, there doesn't even need to be a reason other than the landlord wants you out our you haven't paid the bank.

You are not recognising the distinction between random chance and a motivated prejudiced attack.

And bullying. What a joke, kid. Northern, southern, western, eastern, foreign, peasant, urban, blonde, ginger, [.. insert all known adjectives here ..], all get bullied.

And each of those things is wrong, but this conference was about LGBT so at that time they were focusing on those issues. You can say "Well they should focus on all types of prejudice" but that's utterly impractical, each issue is dealt with in groups rather than all together. This week it's LGBT, next week it might be 'Mothers against Bullying" arguing for all the blondes and gingers and the week after it is "Councillors against Prejudice" arguing for all the western/eastern/ foreign children/people.

Of course these things are all bad, but you have to start somewhere, this is the place they started and I bet if it was about blondes and gingers you would be arguing that gays weren't represented.

It's all well and good saying "Well it just shouldn't matter" or "We make too big a deal out of it" but that, and I will be frank, is entirely and utterly ignorant. People die because of their sexuality, they get thrown out of their homes and suffer mental breakdowns and bullying.

People suffer mental breakdowns all the time, do you really think prozac sells only to homosexuals in or out their closet?

That goes with the above.

waaahhh, she's gay too? That's another little hottie I have to mark of the list...

Grats to her for coming to terms with herself and accepting herself as she is

Now I have to go find a replacement babe for the gallery...

Really? When declaring yourself gay gets you life imprisonment in some places I think it's a damned heroic thing to stand up and do. When prejudice awaits you on the street, in your workplace, at home and at school I think it's a damned heroic thing to do.

You should try having the wrong religion (or worse: being atheist) in the wrong place too. Or being a commie in the US not so long ago. etc. You are mistaking recklessness for heroism.

If someone's loved one died then it might be all well and good us saying "Well you shouldn't have such a strong attachment to them and you need to learn to let go" and they would probably hit you. Hard.

Why? Because you can't expect everyone to have the wisdom necessary to understand that sort of thing. The same goes for validation, some people need that and if we just criticise them by saying "humans shouldn't need validation" your words will fall on deaf ears because they won't care. So what good would it do?

You can't treat everyone like a Jedi, because not all people are Jedi. In the same way that some of the things my flatmates think are just utterly foreign to me and they've learnt that I'm simply just different to them on some things. You must understand the balance between those two sides. You cannot reject one and expect the other to always take it's place - it's out of touch with reality.

you should go out more. Not all cultures deal with death in the same way. Some use it as an opportunity to celebrate life.

This has nothing to do with treating people like jedi or whatnot, but with common sense: if you want something to be seen as normal, act as though it is normal.
This is actually a very basic rule of infiltration, no-one is going to question your presence anywhere as long as you act like you belong there.

You are not recognising the distinction between random chance and a motivated prejudiced attack.

I very much am, and are in fact arguing that I would prefer to lose my life because someone doesn't like me instead of losing it to someone who happens to be drunk, or need 20 quid.

And each of those things is wrong, but this conference was about LGBT so at that time they were focusing on those issues.

See previous comments.
You cannot expect others to treat you equally if you think of yourself as different.

I ran across this interview with Tom Daley (the English diver who came out as bisexual not too long ago) and thought he did a nice job of expressing why he felt it was necessary for him to come out and what purpose coming out serves on a personal level.



The following is a rough transcription of some of the relevant highlights of the interview...

(excerpt beginning at 7:20)
Interviewer: You must feel a degree of relief over the thought or the fact that you don't have to even think about people asking you anymore.

Tom: Exactly. When I was doing interviews it was always, 'Is he in a relationship?' 'Who are you dating?' 'You got a girlfriend?' All that kind of stuff. And it felt like it was my dirty little secret.

It was one of those things that... it felt like I had chains wrapped around me. I couldn't say anything. I couldn't be who I wanted to be. I felt so alone and trapped in who I was - and just telling one person made me feel so much better. It just took such a weight off my shoulders to be able to talk about it with someone.

(excerpt beginning at 9:44)
Tom: I felt like there was something wrong with me. I felt so alone, and I felt so locked away. I felt like I couldn't say anything. I couldn't be who I wanted to be... and from Monday [after coming out] I felt like I could just be myself.

Interviewer: There'll be many young men and women watching who may be in that situation - in the situation that you were in. What would you say to them?

Tom: Even if you're just able to tell one person. If you're able to tell your story and say how you feel. I've had people that have sent me messages on Facebook and on Twitter and they said that they've actually been able to tell their parents today because they felt like they could and they felt like they had some hope - and it wasn't like everyone had to hide away from it and no one has to be ashamed of it.

And to be honest, I couldn't be happier. It shouldn't matter who I'm dating in this day and age, but people want to know... and I feel like if you've got something to say about something then you can tell someone and be who you want to be.

Like Tom Daley, it didn't seem to surprise anyone within the community...

I feel kinda really bad for saying that because I hate it when people make that assumption about me based on their stereotypes, but unfortunately stereotypes usually exist for a reason...

Despite the fact that everyone felt that they already 'knew', it's been hugely important, because - although Ren is right that it shouldn't have to be a big deal - the sad fact is that the only way being gay will ever not be a big deal is by having it normalised by going through this period of making it a big deal. It's not about attention-seeking, it's about deciding that with great influence comes great responsibility.

Those who don't really follow these sorts of issues may not really realise that there basically aren't really any other young big-name Hollywood stars who are living as Out lesbians, even though the law of averages dictates that there must be many others who are gay but hiding it...

And this, of course, is why it was so brave...with no real prior example to look to she has no idea how it will affect her career. And no, she wouldn't exactly be starving out on the streets, but it must be really hard to stare into the face of the unknown when you know that millions of people across the world will be watching to see what happens...

Yeah, she could have just decided to live an openly gay life, without actually announcing it to the world. But, by standing up on stage and saying the actual words 'I am gay' and explaining in such blunt terms that it is bad for you to live a closeted life (even if you are rich and famous and have everything else you could ever want), she delivered a message with the power to change many thousands of lives, and moved us a step closer to a society where 'coming out' may one day no longer be necessary.

At least, that's how I see it in my little idealistic fantasy :laugh:

although Ren is right that it shouldn't have to be a big deal - the sad fact is that the only way being gay will ever not be a big deal is by having it normalised by going through this period of making it a big deal.

Not at all. Ren says it MUSTN'T be a big deal. Norms are set. Making it a big deal means that for someone to be gay, the norm says it is and must be made a big deal... And as such, that you must "come out" and be cheered and applauded and be accepted as gay by other gays. Which really sucks if you want to both be gay and a private person (then again celebrities don't want that).

The problem isn't with your sexuality (our history shows it as being the norm on more than one occasion), but with the fact we're pack animals. We have to identify with a pack and do what the alphas want. So being "normal" has little to do with what sexuality or race or blood type you may have but being what your pack says you must be. The very reason why you feel oppressed/threatened by a pack is because you want to belong to a pack to begin with: Your coming out speech is your initiation. Your belonging to a pack is a symbol of your submitting to your primal fears. The very same primal fears that caused others to dislike you in the first place.

And the pack gets upset when they lose someone (ever heard "it's just a phase"?). Or when one of them gets disturbed/hurt by another pack. They have their little wars, etc.

I don't understand why this isn't obvious to the rest of you.

ren wrote: I don't understand why this isn't obvious to the rest of you.

:lol:

BUT its not the only reason probably, I imagine its cathartic on one level also to release those emotions of fear and concern for hurting those who are close but did not know and perhaps that extends to their fans with celebs, and also for publicity reasons by being a celebrity - its better to shape information then be abused by its misuse (rumour mill). But yes, for some it might include a need to seen as belonging to something.

My natural reaction is that it should not be a big deal, I dont want to know if someone prefers one gender over another, and which one... its none of my business so why bother advertising it - but I can see their is a bigger picture for those in that situation and so frankly its none of my business to judge them for doing it. Some people these days still are bigoted about homosexuality also, so perhaps they want to sort the wheat from the chaff in one swoop...

The same thing probably happens with other social boundaries such as addiction, mental health and could be slightly different from minorities and discriminated groups because its unknown and so people might actively make wrong assumptions all the time which could cause that fear and concern for upsetting other friends as mentioned initially, etc