Do you judge?

I often come to a cross road with this subject about judging others. Biblically speaking, I have always believed that Jesus' was right in saying, "Why judge another? Or, " Judge, and you will be judged" and "Judge and the same judgement will come unto you." "Who are you to judge another?" But, I have been to enough churches and have had friends and have have worked with the public enough to know at some point I feel like its evitable your going to make a judgement call either on someone you know or someone you just met.

I trying so hard at times not to do this because I don't like when people falsely judge me. Its hurtful, it causes distrust among even the most closest friends, it hardens the heart, bitterness, more backbiting, anger, insecurities, resentmentand more.

I know here at totjo we believe in not judging others by religion, race, creed, sex, gay, straight, ect. And I believe everyone does a Masterful job of doing it I have never felt judged by anyone or felt uncomfortable.

What is judging? Is it all bad? My thoughts are outside my Christian perception is we need to make proper judgements about people, places we go, things we do. So, that in doing we achieve balance in our lives.

For example, I got an friend I guess you could call him. He attends my wife's church and he's a decent guy in his forties. There was a period of time where we got close and started talking religion and walking five miles a day together for exercise. It started out good and wholesome until, he started showing signs if drug use, hit tempered, if you didn't agree with him on a subject he would get offended, or didn't wanna do something he wanted. Eventually, one day he and I got into a heated argument about someone I knew and I was gonna defend my friend. It was seconds, to getting into a fist fight but, I calm down and restrained myself and we defused the matter. I went home, told my wife, she believed that it wasnt good to walk with him anymore. My wife was worried that we would next time get into a fight and its not good. She was under the popular believe James (The guy I walked with), was a bad influence and the conversations we had were not good and she felt I shouldn't walk with him anymore.

Whew sorry long story...

Then, there is a judgement of choices we make everyday. OK, am I gonna eat at Burger King or, eat at my strict diet or organics and go to the gym?

One might say, "Oh, well a balance diet will help in your training and weight loss." Another might say, "Oh you can eat what ever you want just go work it off afterwards..."

Personally, looking over judgement I think its virtually impossible to not make judgement calls on certain things. I still think gossip isnt good for you physically, mentally or, spiritually but, can one truly avoid it completely?

Yes, we all judge. We also all discriminate. But, they both largely depend on context as to whether one could think of them as good versus bad.

I think you might be thinking of another term, 'judgmental'. It's impossible to make a choice without judgment, but to be judgmental of someone means to be overly critical. We discriminate as to whether we want something, depending on what our preferences are, but when we discriminate against someone or a group of people because of race, religion, etc., and it affects them in a harmful way, then that's when I view it as a not so good thing. Again, it depends on context.

For me, it comes down to whether I'm doing it for myself, or if I'm doing it against those that are affected. For instance, If I'm judging for myself whether I like or dislike someone, it's not affecting them and will stay in my head. But, once that judgment comes to the outside and affects them by my discriminating against them based on my judgment, that may be harmful. On the flipside, if I just saw someone stealing from a store, I'd judge that they were doing something illegal and wrong. If they asked for my help to get away, I'd discriminate against taking them anywhere but a police station. Of course, that type of situation could end up with me having a gun in my face, so I tend to avoid criminal activities (judgment and discrimination in one go!).

TL;DR: It's up to your judgment as to whether your actions are hurting someone else. Good/bad has little to do with reality and is a moral/legal issue. Being judgmental tends to be harmful. Judging and discrimination depends on context.

I think judging is natural. The kind that you think in your head at least. What matters is how you voice (or don't) those judgements.

I saw a quote once that went something like: your first thought indicates what you've been raised/conditioned to think, but your second thought defined who you are. So if you see, say, a black man in baggy jeans, chains and a ball cap, you might think "he's probably a good-for nothing thug/criminal," but you then think "Wait, no. that's not right. Why did I think that? He's probably nothing of the sort!" Or if you see a woman in provocative clothing, you might think "She's a slut" or see her as inviting being hit on, but instead think "No, she can wear what she wants and doesn't owe her body to anybody but herself." The first thought is conditioned racism/sexism/whatever-ism taught by society, the second is you recognizing that conditioning and rising above it.

Just because you have a judgmental thought, doesn't mean you have to act on it, or even believe it's correct.

I personally like this quote from Terry Pratchett: “First Thoughts are the everyday thoughts. Everyone has those. Second Thoughts are the thoughts you think about the way you think. People who enjoy thinking have those. Third Thoughts are thoughts that watch the world and think all by themselves. They’re rare, and often troublesome. Listening to them is part of witchcraft.”

Of course we judge, we do it the second we look at someone. She attractive? Is he a threat? The human body is geared to judging whether one is aware of it or not, it's a survival mechanism, and it's not going anywhere, anytime soon...

Luthien made a good point, in that it ultimately comes down to context and the length it's taken...

Being aware that even though the process is largely unconscious is imo a step towards taking control, and coming to a better understanding of what it is to being human...

We do all judge things all the time. Now, when I say judge I might mean it a little differently. Once again coming to the issues with the limitations of human languages. Wouldn't life be easier if were able to telepathically communicate our exact thoughts and feelings to each other? :laugh:

When I say we judge things what I mean is we take in stimuli and make decisions based on that. I judged that I had enough room to park my car in the parking spot without boxing myself in. I judged roughly how long it would take me to get from home to work through typical traffic. I judged that the people I walked by weren't likely to attack me as I neared them (but I still watched them all). If we didn't make judgments about things and people we wouldn't be functional.

When I see a new person I try to go in "judgment free" but what that really means is that I have taken in what information is available to me (how they're dressed, how they move, how they sound/smell/etc) and parsed it. Are they a threat to me at the moment? Do they seem angry or calm? Are they here to talk to me or do they want to be left alone? All of that stuff flashes threw my head in an instant. It's survival instincts.

Things I try not to make judgments about at first are things like are they a good person? Are they smart or dumb? Are they rich or poor? Do I like them as a person? Stuff like that is not necessary at first glance and should only be decided upon after getting more data about a person. Those kinds of things also can change over time as new data keeps coming in.

tl;dr yes we make judgments, it's how we survive. What we need to do is make as few as needed and allow the ones we do make to change with new info.

Back story:
I have a large birthmark on my right cheek. From the age of 2 I've had to have numerous operations on is as it can be cancerous, and although it is much smaller and lighter now (reducing the risk), I still have to wear sun cream whenever I leave the house. As a bi-product of the operations, there is also a large scar on my right cheek too now.

I am repeatedly judged by people just for how I look. I have seen people point, whisper to their friends, laugh, call out across the street telling me there's something wrong with my face and have even had people cross the road to avoid passing me on the street. Needless to say, in primary school other children weren't fond of me either and generally avoided me.

Any form of judging is horrible, but especially when you don't deserve it. That is why I now never make up my mind without looking at the whole picture, and why I never look twice at people passing me on the street regardless of how they look! I believe if someone has a reason to be judged (ie they committed a crime), then judging is acceptable. But also remember that that the crime may have been stealing food for his/her kids as they are too poor to afford food! All aspects must be taken into account before any kind of assumption, good or bad, is made.

On a slight tangent, being judged also taught me not to care about it. I knew I was being judged, but also knew it was not my fault, and gradually learned to phase out staring and name calling etc. In effect, it boosted my confidence in the long run!

To anyone being judged here for similar reasons as me or in situations where it isn't your fault: It is not your fault ever. And it will get better if you let it. It's terrible you are being judged, but don't let it get the better of you; learn from it.

Thanks for reading.

Judging someone is one thing but trashing them because YOU judge them right or wrong by you values is wrong. Different isn't wrong. Of course there are exceptions. There always is.

When I was a mechanic, a rather blokey environment, one of my friends arrived at the workshop in his full gay pride self..... needless to say I was forever judged by that
:laugh:
But I actually had to decide to leave that workplace eventually, singularly because some inherent homophobia or unresolved homosexuality tendencies within them slowly drove them into the most bizarre behaviour. Now I've never been gay but once they made that association, they reinforced it to the extent it probably would have been better if I was. Like watching monkey's get annoyed at an elephant sitting in their territory, eventually escalating until the monkeys were about to self harm in some vain attempt to reconcile their inability to control their self derided perception of their environment.

So IMO we gotta be careful we have the facts before we start convincing ourselves we are in a position to exert authority, even if its only over our own perception. If we make judgement only on facts, then at least we can justify them to ourselves and others, and know how to correct or reinforce them accurately as more information becomes available. Truth as foundation as much as possible is what I'd prefer, but how we exert that judgement outwards beyond our own thoughts depends on the circumstance of the relationship, as not everything we think needs to be communicated either.

Science has proven that a "gut feeling" is a real thing and is worth listening to.

I've given people the benefit of the doubt enough in the past to know that it's usually a mistake. Sometimes people can surprise you, but they usually don't.

we all judge
i think the next question is "what does it take to be a good judge?"

OB1Shinobi wrote: we all judge
i think the next question is "what does it take to be a good judge?"

Or as a different twist and a philosophy I've been practicing(read trying or exploring) for myself, should we act on how we judge, so maybe yeah I may judge someone, but does that mean I should act any differently or say anything to that effect or do and say as I normally should all thing's being equal?

Tsst.

Yes, I judge.

It's part of my job - and to an extent, I try to keep my judging to contexts that I am (apparently?) an expert it.

Sounds arrogant, sure, and I don't pretend that I'm the *best* expert - There will be bigger fish, who will in turn judge me, and perhaps I will learn from those judgments.

When it comes to "life" - I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt if you will - but I consider myself a reasonably good judge (heh) of character, and I tend to work with the "enough rope" method - I'll pay out plenty of trust and welcome to anyone who asks for it, but if you manage to wrap it around your neck, don't be surprised when I yank it back sharply (Perhaps not the exact interpretation of the idiom, but I like it).

Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice, shame on me


Judging is not bad, if it's an "educated" judgment.


"People with mullets steal cars" is not really a fair statement
"People who live in X Suburb steal cars" is also not necessarily a fair statement.
"X Suburb has controlled price housing" is potentially a fact
"People who live in Controlled price housing have financial difficulties" is potentially a fact.
"car parts can be sold for money" is also arguably a fact.


Am I judging when I decide where to park my car when I go town?
Probably.
Am I doing it on a balance of probabilities, rather because I don't like someone's haircut or choice of cigarettes?
I like to think so.

As others have already said, we can't not judge (although this is not necessarily the case in every individual situation, nor an excuse not to work on generally working an becoming less judgemental in particular identifiable areas...)

We can, however, try to maintain awareness of it...to catch our judging in the moment (or in hindsight if that isn't possible), and to check 'Am I making judgements right now, and if so - firstly, are they fair, and secondly, how are they affecting my behaviour in this situation?'

If we know that we are constantly making subconscious judgements, we know that we can constantly be pro-actively asking the question, regardless of whether or not it is already immediately obvious that judgements are playing a part.

We all believe at some level, after some training time where we strive not to let this trial affect us, we can go over it. But when we treat an issue, there is a trial, because these issues go through us, our life story, our beliefs, our prejudices. So in my opinion, to judge is something very unconscious and natural, let yourself be carried away by your own judgment on this brings problems of a distorted view

Wouldn't life be easier if were able to telepathically communicate our exact thoughts and feelings to each other?

What do you think we are essentially doing right now? Instantly communicating with people who are continents away in some instances.

You can blame the words, or take ownership and responsibility and get better at using them.

As for judging.

Yes, I do.

Khaos wrote:

Wouldn't life be easier if were able to telepathically communicate our exact thoughts and feelings to each other?

What do you think we are essentially doing right now? Instantly communicating with people who are continents away in some instances.

We often use words to conceal our true intents, not convey them.

I judge everything constantly, 90% of which is all internal. So even if I could stop judging others, I'd still be fucked.

What do you think we are essentially doing right now? Instantly communicating with people who are continents away in some instances.

You can blame the words, or take ownership and responsibility and get better at using them.

Oh sweet Khaos, I do so love you.