Little white lies

I watched this TED Talk yesterday : http://www.ted.com/talks/pamela_meyer_how_to_spot_a_liar

It made me wonder at what point do 'little white lies' become a problem? Are they inherently bad?

I lied yesterday to someone about not having skype. I'm not proud of it, but I did it, then decided not to do it again. I generally hate talking face to face on the internet unless I'm prepared for it and the thought of suddenly being involved in a skype video conversation really didn't make me comfortable. I could have said, 'I'd rather do [this]' but that's not what I thought of at the time.

It makes me wonder if 'small lies' are a bit of a habit. Saying I didn't have it protected me from having to expose something about my self I wasn't inclined to discuss with someone I didn't know. In this case, the only person that really lost out was me, because I felt rubbish afterwards.

Are there situations in which this kind of lying is always bad? Is it always bad anyway? Thoughts?

Sounds like a knee-jerk reaction...

We all do that, lol...

"AH!!! IM IN A UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION!!! DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!!"

Then, upon later review, a better answer gets found...

Come clean, it will save you some embarrassment later, especially if the resonance finds out otherwise... Just explain, and have an answer ready for the next person who asks you...

OH, I do have a question myself.. Does this phone make my hips look wide?

:lol:...

Jestor wrote: "AH!!! IM IN A UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION!!! DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!!"

That pretty much sounds like it!

In general - any and all lies are bad because they deny reality and perpetuate the illusion.

We lie out of fear of something. fear of hurting the person or ourselves. fear of punishment or emotional out bursts.

Lies rip and tug at the fabric of our connections and community. Lies create barriers like "shame" and "guilt" that block our clear connection to the Force.

But there are some real reasons and situations to lie in for self preservation. Our system of government punish "truth speakers". Our system is built on lies so if anyone starts telling the truth - it will "hurt" the status quo. So in general our political and judicial system is built on lies, therefor it supports and requires lies to be part of it.

When dealing with that system, there might be a need for lying for personal safety and survival.

I admit, I do my best to create and live in a world of openness and transparency.

I don't think there is anything wrong with little white lies, I guess you just have to be aware of why you are telling them.. Such as,
No jestor that phone makes you look really slim.... Really
People tell lies everyday to themselves and others. Look at how many lies we tell our kids, Santa, Easter bunny, etc....
No one is 100% truthful
They lie to protect you, to not offend etc sometimes to protect themselves.
Half joking but I've lied about Skype for the same reasons then admitted it but told them I don't wish to do video calls you can just chat with text.. I'm sure they would understand..

I wonder perhaps then it's more about intent. I imagine though if you're wilfully trying to deceive someone though it probably stops being a 'little white lie'.

Edan wrote: I wonder perhaps then it's more about intent. I imagine though if you're wilfully trying to deceive someone though it probably stops being a 'little white lie'.

I would agree....

Baru is quite right....

I too try to avoid lies of any sort...

So, to answer a question like "do these pants make my butt look big?" The answer, I think, is "no" or "not to me" which leaves it at opinion...

Elizabeth's answer is also opinion, but, is easier to take apart by a sensitive, person, looking for a way to lash out that their pants are too tight....

Well, lol, this is all my opinion...

I think it depends on the intent.

My Mother has Alzheimer's and Dementia. She asks me when her husband will be by to see her. He has been dead for 20 years. Do I tell her that? Or do I lie?

If I tell her the truth, she spirals, cannot believe she cannot remember the last 20 years, gets very depressed and becomes suicidal.

If I lie, and say a white lie like, "He has to work late and will be by later on." She will say okay and forget about it and all is well.

Which is the better course?

If you are unsure, or do not want to lie or You could always try to simply deflect the topic.

"Do these pants make my butt look big?" Reply "Define big?" No don't really ask that, just ask something like, "Do you like the way they look and feel on you?"

Again though I think the intent is the real issue with lies being bad or not. If you felt uncomfortable about skyping and did not want to hurt their feelings is that bad?

I would just use caution of using lies as a defense mechanism or common thing in your daily life.

Karn wrote: My Mother has Alzheimer's and Dementia. She asks me when her husband will be by to see her. He has been dead for 20 years. Do I tell her that? Or do I lie?

I'm sorry about your mother's condition, Karn. My grandmother had Alzheimer's and lived with my family for a few years before she died, so unfortunately I'm familiar with what you've explained.

Since I'm not personally big on lying (in any form), I had to learn ways to effectively sidestep her questions or pull her focus away from those kinds of fixations (as you said, deflect the topic).

To be honest, I spent as little time around her as possible. I either escaped into my room to use the computer or took a bus downtown to find trouble with friends. The few times I did spend entire days with my grandmother were some of the most emotionally stressful, confusing, and challenging hours of my life, so I can appreciate what you're saying from that standpoint.

I grew up in Seattle, and people here are direct but sensitive. At a young age, I was taught that there are ways of telling the truth that don't offend or irritate, and I've tried to apply those lessons in everyday life and use that route instead of projecting little white lies.

I don't think choosing not to lie makes me superior to anyone, but it does make life easier when you don't have to remember all the lies that you've told and continually build on those (until, in my experience, that Jenga tower inevitably falls down).

There is probably no way to not lie, or not have to from time to time ... Don't take too seriously this Skype thing. I've told people that I don't have Skype and/or Facebook, and I do not consider myself to be a liar. It is less hurtful for them that I say I don't use these media than to just bluntly say, "I don't want you as a contact."

You got it right about the intent aspect. One might say that 'lying' and 'saying an un-truth' are the same thing. They are not. Due to our knowledge limitations, things we do not in fact understand (though we believe we do) and factors we ignore there is some small 'something' wrong with just about everything we say and thus it is not precisely true. Or, maybe we get lucky and it is ... who knows ? But the aspect of lying that our other un-true utterances do not exhibit is the intention to manipulate or to mislead (with mis-information).

Telling someone you do not have Skype is not exactly manipulation or deceit. It is a polite way of saying that you do not want to have that person as a contact. There could be many reasons for this, but be that as it may, it is no more 'lying' than not answering the phone when you don't want to take a call.

"Do these trousers (or the phone thing - I don't get that really, Jestor) make me look fat ?" the question doesn't even make sense. It doesn't matter what one 'looks' like really - if one is fat, then of course they look fat, but it isn't the article of clothing. Moreover, if the question is posed, that means they are looking for confirmation or absolution for what they think personally. And one can always say : "No, not at all !" and he/she will still feel fat. So, since it is not a rational question, its answer can't ever be a lie -- no matter what one says.

I wouldn't recommend saying "just enormous !" though.