tips on anger and patience

I used to be a rather charged individual. Almost anything that didn't match my idea of what I thought was right or correct incited a negative reaction in me, especially if another person didn't recognize that there are always alternative ways of looking at any given situation.

The truth may be that it's an on-going process - learning to step back (as others have stated) and trying not to have knee-jerk reactions to ideas or instances that cause mental dissonance or fuel anger. That said, at least for me, my ability to remain balanced and recognize anger and the need for patience in my life has improved as I've gotten older.

A few years ago, one of my previous mentors (Dave Morehouse) shared an analogy that I really liked, which has undoubtedly helped me become a calmer and more focused person.

Basically, he talked about striving for a state in which you are not always fighting against every negative thing that crosses your path - and doing this by approaching situations peacefully, rather than confronting anger, fear, and frustration with the same. He elaborated by making an analogy between how our emotions function and how waveforms interact. When two waves of the same frequency interact with one another (i.e., irritated person attacks irritated person), the amplitude of those waves increases ("constructive wave interference"). In contrast, when a low frequency wave clashes with a high frequency wave (i.e., calm person encounters angry person), both waves are neutralized ("destructive wave interference").

Depending on your view of the universe and how you acquire knowledge and internalize it, you may or may not find this concept useful, but I found it an easy way to visualize my problems with anger and maintaining patience. This simple philosophy ("anger resonates with anger, and love resonates with love") caused a genuine shift in the way that I saw the world and how I've approached and interacted with others over the last few years.

You might also consider physical exercise, like yoga or tai chi. I do the latter for about a half-hour every day and find it relaxing and balancing. Meditation (as Jestor suggested and you mentioned) is also beneficial. You could even think about taking up (or utilizing) a healing modality like massage therapy or Reiki. I don't necessarily believe in all of the claims that Reiki practitioners make about the effectiveness of the technique, but going through Reiki training definitely assisted me in becoming a more patient and compassionate individual.

All the best to you on your journey forward, Adam. I really do understand how tough it is to deal with strong emotions. They can attack your body suddenly and affect you in an almost werewolf-like manner, causing severe haziness around the truth of the matter and masking your actual feelings.

I have looked to Buddhism and meditation for help. I read this passage and remember that change must come from within. Only I can change my mind, my attitude, and my outlook. If I cannot change that which I possess, then no one can.


The Buddha

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

Hatred does not cease through hatred but through love alone they cease.

There are three types of people in the world. What three? One who is like carving on a rock, one who is like scratching on the ground and one who is like writing on the water. What sort of person is like carving on the rock? Imagine a certain person who is always getting angry and his anger lasts long, jut as carving on a rock is not soon worn off by wind, water or lapse of time. What sort of person is like scratching on the ground? Imagine a certain person who is always getting angry but his anger does not last long, just as scratching on the ground is soon worn off by wind, water and lapse of time. And what sort of person is like writing on the water? Imagine a certain person who, even though spoken to harshly, sharply, roughly, is easily reconciled and becomes agreeable and friendly, just as writing on the water soon disappears.
Anguttara Nikaya I/283

Suppose an enemy has hurt you in his own domain, why should you annoy yourself and hurt your mind in your own domain?
Suppose someone, to annoy, provokes you to do some evil act, why allow anger to arise and thus do exactly as he wants you to do?
Visuddhi Magga

One day, Akkosaka heard that someone from his religion had converted to be a Buddhist monk. Enraged, he stomped off to curse the Enlightened One with harsh words in person. After letting off his steam, the Buddha had a calm conversation with him (as abridged) - 'Do friends come to you as guests?' 'Yes.' 'Do you serve them delicacies?' 'Yes, sometimes I do.' 'If they don't accept them, to whom do they belong?' 'They would be mine.' 'Likewise, that with which you have insulted me, I do not accept - it is all yours. Whoever returns insult to one who insults is said to be sharing company with that person, which I do not.'
Hearing this, Akkosaka assumed he was displeased, to which the Buddha replied, 'Where is anger from one free of anger, who has his mind tamed and equanimous, who is liberated with right understanding, who is tranquil? One worsens matters by flaring up at another who flared up. Whoever doesn't flare up at another doubly wins a battle difficult to win, benefitting oneself and the another. Understanding another's anger, one mindfully maintains one's peace. When one does so to heal the illness of anger for both, those who think one is a fool do not know the Dharma.' Hearing this, Akkosaka remarked at the magnificence of the Buddha's teaching, and ordained as a monk to learn from him, thereafer attaining Nirvana (as an Arahant)!
Akkosa Sutta

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.

Having had my fair share of anger issues through my childhood and youth, as many kids do, I can say with certainty that the only way to deal with anger is to channel it in a positive way. By this I mean that immersing oneself into a good martial art such as Shotokan Karate, including all the correct breathing and use of 'Kime'.
Regular training will soon start to disipate the anger and over time you will learn to channel any such frustration in a controlled and positive manner. Give it a try!!

rugadd wrote: You can be afraid for other people and the suffering they might endure. You can be afraid of being misunderstood, or worse letting those misunderstandings propagate.

exactly, you CAN be

but not WILL be

that is a probability but never a certainty

I pounded 80 tires and erased 30 years of anger...

I destroy 100 pound heavy bags with an exhaustive barrage of punches,kicks,elbows,and knees...when your so exhausted you can't move anger/rage easily dissipates...

I agree that exhaustive exercise may curb anger for the moment, but what about the long term?. How does this benefit someone that is drawn to anger in a public setting, say anger from embarrassment, and there are no heavy bags to punch?

My greatest goal is to finally control my anger. I have always been quick tempered. Meditation, exercise, and even suppression only seem to relieve it for a short term. I have taught myself so far to accept and let go of whatever angers me, but without suppressing, but I still have an occasional anger spout that fights through my defenses. Anger is the dragon guarding my peace.