Enabling Behavior

Yesterday, while I was out with Andy and TB-1 we got to talking about a problem we see in the Jedi Community as a whole: Enabling. This is one of the primary issues that comes up when you teach people to act with compassion, but never really talk about tempering it with common sense, judgement and/or opposing action.

In the community at large, we talk about wanting to help people, being accepting of them and tolerant of their actions. At some point, doing all of this becomes detrimental to the growth of the individual you are enabling. I know I've done it, a few times.

In the fiction (good grief, I'm actually using the fiction for this, lol) we see that the Jedi were confident and didn't stand still when destructive behavior was being thrown directly before them (Obi-Wan: *waves hands* "You want to go home and rethink your life"; Mace Windu: "He has control of the senate and all the courts. He is too dangerous to be left alive!"). Instead, they followed what was the most logical course of action to protect those around them. In Obi-Wan's case, he kept a drug dealer out of the cantina for a day (at least). In Mace's case, he attempted to rid the galaxy of a problem which was the basis for the original trilogy.

Looking directly at the latter example, we can see how Anakin's training as a Jedi ended up destroying years of the future that no one in the SWU could ever get back. He was Palpatine's enabler, and as such became a victim to the dark side (now, there were a number of other factors, but this one cannot be overlooked as one of the major turning points in the prequels).

But this isn't the only instance were we see enabling behavior. Sometimes it is more difficult to recognize when you are enabling someone.

Episode III wrote: ]Yoda: Premonitions, premonitions. These visions you have...
Anakin Skywalker: They are of pain, suffering. Death.
Yoda: Yourself you speak of, or someone you know?
Anakin Skywalker: Someone.
Yoda: Close to you?
Anakin Skywalker: Yes.
Yoda: Careful you must be when sensing the future Anakin. The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.
Anakin Skywalker: I won't let these visions come true, Master Yoda.
Yoda: Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is.
Anakin Skywalker: What must I do, Master Yoda?
Yoda: Train yourself to let go... of everything you fear to lose.

Believe it or not, this entire conversation is Yoda enabling Anakin's fears. It's mostly because he has poor crisis communication skills. The statements are all cookie cutter, and he never really gets down to the bottom of what the problem is. Knowing that Anakin is having problems, he has kind of shoved this entire thing off to the side as an obstacle Anakin should be able to easily get over. This is his failure as a leader to understand the whole of the problem and not seeking to find someone who can further assist him.

This is all part of the arrogance of the prequel Jedi Order and their complacency.

My question to anyone willing to step up to the plate and answer: Has this path taught you to be an enabler? If it has, how can you improve upon the problem? If any of our Shadows/Darksiders want to step up to the plate and record their observations of the community at large, it would serve all of us well to know what your opinions are, because there are many times when it takes an outsider to point out a problem before it can be fixed.



And some further notes to help you determine the answer to this question:

Enabling Personality by Jake Lawson wrote: Appearance to the world of the enabling personality:

* Protect others from the consequences of their own actions
* Deflect the hand of fate and soften its blow for others
* Attempt to save others from feeling intense emotional pain
* Delay the day of reckoning for troubled persons by averting social and financial difficulties for them
* Prevent crises for troubled persons--which, in fact, prolongs the problems
* Pinch-hit for troubled persons, hiding their mistakes with alibis or lies to others
* Act out of a sincere, if misguided, sense of love and loyalty
* May act out of shame to protect their self-respect and that of their environment
* Are motivated by the fear that they may share the unfortunate consequences of the troubled person's problems
* Take on responsibility for the troubled person
* Begin to doubt themselves and their own sanity or "rightness,'' often seeing themselves as failures
* Feel guilt and self-hatred, and begin to turn off their feelings toward the troubled person and others
* Engage in substantial projection onto and blaming of the troubled person
* Vent a large amount of anger against the troubled person
* Become known as sarcastic naggers and blamers
* Deny and conceal the problems of the troubled person
* Make decisions for the troubled person--decisions that are best left for the troubled person to make for himself
* Minimize the problems of the troubled person
* Feel trapped in the problems of the troubled person
* Develop an emotional shell and resist penetration

Feelings inside people with enabling personality traits:

* Powerless to change the situation
* Serious about the situation
* Blame themselves for the troubled person's problems
* Fragile in the face of the troubled person's problems
* Self-pity for the situation they are in
* Manipulation is the only method left to them to get their way to correct the troubled person's problems
* "Super-responsible" for the situation and solving the troubled person's problems
* Guilt over the troubled person's problems and the troubled person's inability to solve them
* Pain from the hurt resulting from the troubled person's problems
* Fear that the troubled person's problems will never be solved and will ultimately consume them
* Anger that they can't fix or solve the troubled person's problems

Typical statements of enabling individuals:

* I'm going to give him another chance."
* "I want to give him the benefit of the doubt."
* "I'm not clear what I should expect of him."
* "I'm not convinced that he has that problem."
* "I love him; I can't leave him."
* "I don't want him to fail."
* "I don't want him to suffer any pain or hurt."
* "I don't want him to think that I don't love him."
* "I'm beginning to suspect that I'm the reason for his problems."
* "I don't want to be mean."
* "It's hard to say no."
* "I could never forgive myself for not taking steps to prevent him from getting hurt."
* "He'd never forgive me if he got hurt or failed."
* "I've made my vows for life; I could never leave him."
* "It only hurts for a little while."
* "Look at all the trouble he's causing for me and the family."
* "I want him to get help, even if I have to drag him in."
* "What have I done wrong? Where have I gone wrong?"
* "He doesn't care how much he hurts us by his behavior."
* "I feel so unappreciated."
* "Just this one time only."
* "Let's not be hasty in our judgment."

Negative consequences of enabling behaviors:

* Low self-esteem
* The problems of the troubled people, addressed by enablers, usually become worse, rather than better
* Become discouraged about the lack of progress or change in the troubled people, and ultimately sabotage their own efforts to reform these people
* Become angry and resentful at those in their life who fail to improve
* Become resentful, bitter, antagonistic and vengeful toward those who fail to improve
* Become martyrs who seek others' sympathy over their plight in life
* Become enmeshed in the very "problem behavior" traits they resent, such as drinking, overeating, overworking and drug abuse
* Often become unappealing people and find that the non-troubled people in their lives have turned against them
* Become so adamant about a cause that they seek to reform everyone they come into contact with, sometimes obsessively
* Lose focus as to how embittered and single-focused they have become; they are confused by the rejection and lack of approval they receive from the non-troubled people in their life
* Protect others from the truth about the problems of the troubled people--suffering the anger, resentment, and hostility of the non-troubled people after they find out that the enabler has sheltered them from the truth
* Often wear themselves down so much that they suffer stress-related illnesses, like cancer, heart disease, ulcers, gastrointestinal problems and high blood pressure
* Often become troubled people who are so caught up in denial that they become difficult and resistant to getting help for themselves
* Often refuse to get help for themselves if they have been successful in getting their troubled people into treatment
* Often become immobilized by fear, insecurity and mistrust if they are not successful in getting help for the troubled people in their lives
* Often spend their lives seeking revenge against the troubled people whom they tried to reform and couldn't
* Usually end up depressed, anxious and tense

Irrational beliefs of people with enabling personality traits:

* "I must do something to help this person stop his problem behavior."
* "I can help this person stop his problem behavior."
* "Everyone should want to change if they have a problem behavior."
* "My efforts will result in reforming this person."
* "The more effort I put into addressing this problem, the more easily it will be solved."
* "The bigger the threats I make, the better the chance that he will change."
* "If a person has a problem, the only way you can help him is to stay with him."
* "My efforts to lead a good life will pay off in the reforming of this troubled person."
* "I have the answer for this person's problems."
* "I must put all of my energy into helping this person if I expect him to change."
* "Only losers give up."
* "Protecting a troubled person is one way of helping that person to get help."
* "The troubled person's behavior is the only problem our environment has."
* "If I deny or hide the problem from the members of our environment, they won't be affected by it."
* "Things are never as bad as they seem."
* "God never gives you a burden that's too great to carry on your own."
* "I know what's best for this person."
* "I must never complain about this person's behavior in public."
* "I must never let this person get in trouble because of his problem."
* "I must carry the burden of this person's problems on my own shoulders.

Turning Negative Enabling Traits Into Positive Potential


Minimizing problems
You can assist these people in recognizing the magnitude of the problems in which they are enmeshed. They can be given information about the nature of "family'' illnesses and the "sick'' roles each family member takes on, and how their enabling behaviors are "sick'' and can lead to their own physical or mental illness if left unchecked.

Protecting the troubled person from negative consequences
These people can be taught "tough love'' technology. This helps enablers to redirect their efforts toward helping troubled people recognize and accept the consequences of their own troubled behavior. In this way, the enabler will let the troubled person "face the music'' of his problems early on, let him "hit a brick wall'' and recognize the need to get help for the problem on his own.

Self-blaming
When they have learned that there is virtually nothing they can do to reform a troubled person, enablers can take themselves off the hook of blame and place the responsibility for the problem back in the hands of the troubled person.

Manipulation
When they realize that most of their efforts exacerbate the problems they seek to ease, enablers can stop using threats, bribes, ultimatums and trickery to reform people. They can use honesty, assertiveness, openness and confrontation to get help for themselves, then address the troubled behavior of others.

Super-responsible
By handing the responsibility for the problem back to the troubled person, and by viewing the problem more rationally, enablers can encourage the troubled person to seek help for himself, address his problem and be open and vulnerable to change.

Acting out of loyalty
Enablers need to be guided in their feelings of loyalty to avoid protecting troubled people from the negative consequences of their actions. Redirected loyalty is meant to encourage the troubled person face his problem honestly and get help in a timely manner, preventing the problems from becoming uncontrollable.

Powerlessness
Enablers can be helped to recognize that practicing "tough love'' and helping others accept personal responsibility for their own actions is a powerful behavior with a more productive outcome than the tactics they previously used.

Denial
Enablers need to hit their own "brick wall'' and get help for themselves before they can effectively help others. Seeing the troubled person get sicker, or getting into trouble on the job or with the law, can force enablers to end their denial of the problem, forcing them to take corrective measures to alter their enabling strategies.

Sarcasm, nagging, blaming
Once they are able to let go of super-responsibility for others' problems, enablers are also able to stop chronically reminding troubled people of their problems and reprimanding them for them. Enablers can be helped to recognize that this verbal "garbage'' is the very behavior that gives troubled people the excuse for indulging in the problem behavior in the first place.

Low self-esteem
Once enablers let go of the need to solve the problem no matter what, they are able to view themselves in a healthier, more rational way. They can love and respect themselves better and pursue avenues that will make them feel good, allowing them to have fun.

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/14675-enabling-personality/#ixzz24m8NU2y1

Alethea Thompson wrote: My question to anyone willing to step up to the plate and answer: Has this path taught you to be an enabler?

I've seen some people exhibit your enabling as adults due to being raised in a family where the child has had to fight for attention, and never won it. The child can then sometimes develop habits of trying to please the parents in some attempt to win attention out of the childs repeated efforts to please - a logical conclusion, but also often something taught by those same parents as 'manners' (which then makes the parents look like hypocrits which can further confuse the child and even a form of bullying perhaps?). Growing into an adult this can translate to that type of say 'passionate enabling', where they sacrifice their own welfare for the benefit of others, as a result of habit more then intention.

Compassion requires empathy and engagement, but I think that 'passionate enabling' is perhaps like some sort of top-down transference - which is different from compassion and very different from guidance. The Yoda example might have just the engaging stage of compassion, and then the application of guidance as a Master.

Poor Yoda, the Council didn't even want Anakin there to begin with. We can only assert it might have been inappropriate with hindsight and thus does not genuinely reflect a failure of Yoda's method, but both Yoda's method and Anakin's application. To judge Yoda for his action in your example, I think we would have to look at the nature of his decision instead of its downrange results. The message of the prequal's for me is what happens when you let someone who should not be there bully their way in there. I blame Anakin - taken to the extreme, those sorts of overt-victim mentality/angry-powerful personalities readily take advantage of the passionate enabler personalities who seek to please through habit - so maybe the nature of the enablers habit is a good sign of whether its good enabling or bad enabling.

I definatly have not learnt any 'passionate enabling' as defined above, but as a Jedi I'd learn focus to compassion (empathy and engagement) and moving on as Training Master then guidance, in some way perhaps specific to differents groups programs.

This topic hits really close to home, actually. Story time, if you can handle it:

My mom is *the* definition of an enabler. She has taken the Christian mantra of turning the other cheek and giving away all one has to the extreme, and it has caused harm both to herself and the people she thought she was "helping." 3 examples:

1.) She bought 2 irreparably dead cars from her "friend" for $1000 when I was a kid because the lady's business was going south- the lady's business was very niche market in a rural town, there was no way it would be a success anyway. Why waste $1000 on a business that is destined to fail? And mind you, this was during a time when my 3 siblings and I were getting free meals at school because my parents were below the poverty level.

2.) After my dad died, she would take my youngest brother's social security money and use it to get needless yard work done "because the guys came over and they seemed so nice and they really need the money." WTF, my brother needed that money! She did give him about $100 a month of it though- and told him he could do whatever he wanted with it.

So now my brother has no concept of money management, and has no savings to boot. On top of that, he *thankfully* got financial aid to go to community college this semester (so he can get a skill, get out of the house, and better himself), but he got nervous about college so my mom told him that he's just not ready for college and should drop out. Which she then helped him do. It's ridiculous- most kids get nervous about college, and he just got out of high school- right now is the BEST time to go to college. He can't get a job in my town's economy, so if he doesn't go to school he'll just be playing video games all day. And then when next semester comes, the coursework will be a shock to his system since he won't be used to studying and working. So the desire to quit will become even greater! Vicious cycle.

3.) Currently, she's letting 3 people live at her house gratis because "they had nowhere else to go." There are shelters in neighboring towns, but okay, I'll take her word for it. These people walk all over her- they don't have a ride, she'll give them her car and money for gas. They are too tired to get food, she'll order them pizza, etc. And one of them verbally ridicules her (though she has learned not to in my presence because I won't accept that kind of behavior and will confront her). My mom continually makes excuses for them, and refuses do something more proactive to help them rather than simply give them stuff (teach a man to fish and all that...)It has taught them to be lazy- why job hunt when the lady you live with will feed, shelter, and transport you around for free? It has also taught them to view my mother as a tool to get what they want.

Those are 3 of the biggest things I can think of off the top of my head. I won't list more, because it enrages me when I think about it. Particularly because my mother will listen to no one, and her beliefs have caused so much harm to everyone around her. And she sincerely thinks she's helping people by behaving this way, and no matter how much evidence you show her to the contrary she will remain set in her belief. It's extremely disheartening, to watch someone you love destroy themselves and harm others.

My experience with my mother has definitely taught me how not to behave and aid others.

So having said all that, the path has not taught me to be an enabler, because I already how being an enabler is bad, if that makes sense. I understand how some people could misconstrue Jedi teaching as encouraging enabling behavior, especially if one comes from a Christian or Buddhist tradition of selfless service and martyrdom, where the lines are blurred between helping others and enabling them, between letting go of problems and ignoring problems. Some people have been taught unhealthy ways to "maintain peace" and "support others", and so when they see in our creeds that that is what we aim to do, they may transfer their previous concepts of what that means onto their Jedi practice. For example, one of the 16 Basic Teachings says:

Jedi protect the peace. We are warriors of peace, and are not ones to use force to resolve a conflict; it is through peace, understanding and harmony that conflicts resolve.

If someone is coming from an "enabling" backround, they could construe teaching as saying one should never be confrontational. Which is not what we aim for, I believe. As Jedi, I think confrontation is sometimes necessary, but we are to confront others in a peaceful, understanding manner (whenever possible).

I won't go into examples or motives behind enabling, Alethea, because I feel your article does an amazing job at explaining enabling behavior, giving examples of it, and giving information on how to combat it.

I personally haven't really seen any enabling on the forums, but perhaps that is because I haven't been on the site as often recently.

When I read the post I ended up wondering which passive/aggressive/assertive category an enabler falls into. I came to the the conclusion that an enabler THINKS that they are being assertive and pro-active, when in reality they are leaning more towards passive, or some of the points made in the original post perhaps point at passive-aggressive. It's strange how much potential we humans have for self-delusion isn't it?

I guess that most of us here are trying to learn to be generally assertive rather than passive or aggressive. It seems to be almost an unofficial aim of Jediism. I think that perhaps this approach, or goal, has taken me closer to being an enabler than I would have been before, because I now try to spot aggression in me before it has even manifested itself, and sometimes the easiest way out of a situation in which you are in danger of displaying aggression is to take a very passive stance. For example, walking away from discussions or replying with generic 'everyone has a right to their opinion' answers, when perhaps we really should have been (assertively) calling someone out on something that they said.

I certainly recognise in myself some of the statements such as:
"I'm going to give them another chance"
"I want to give them the benefit of the doubt"
"Let's not be hasty in our judgement"

But I think that these are important to a Jedi. Many people deserve a second chance, or suspended judgement.

I don't think that I am an enabler - with me there always comes a point where I say 'enough is enough'. I aim to help and guide people, but not solve all their problems for them. I am a fervent believer in the idea that problems can really only be solved by the individual themselves, and this stops me from taking on responsibility for their problems or issues. I have learnt myself that what I need from others is the motivation and tools to tackle my problems, but that if I let them try to sort it out in its entirely I will just sit back and not actually deal with it myself. So this is what informs the way in which I try to help others.

If Ally doesn't mind me using the same answer I posted at the Institute?

Anyone who claims the Jedi Path would lead you to become an enabler needs to re-interpret the code and re-think what it means to be a Jedi, or even a person. Again, Yoda says a Jedi only uses their powers for defence and never to attack. But sometimes the best defence is a good offence. A pre-emptive strike can prevent a war. There's a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. These are the differences that must be recognised, lest things be taken the wrong way and the wrong path walked.

Enabling? I would guess that by some interpretations of our code one could be seen to be an enabler. But I would think that if one follows the WHOLE code that could not be true.

I am a Jedi, an instrument of peace;

Where there is hatred I shall bring love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

And where there is sadness, joy.

I am a Jedi.

I shall never seek so much to be consoled as to console;

To be understood as to understand;

To be loved as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive;

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

The Force is with me always, for I am a Jedi.

Even if our compassion leads us to help, forgive or support the individual; our commitment to the whole would serve to keep these in check as an individual’s actions begin to threaten others.

We can not see the outcome of every situation, nor are we the judges of others... but we, by our own commitment to our path, have sworn not to stand idly by and allow harm to befall the innocent.

To add to my last reply…
Anyone who has completed the IP should be Familiar with the Knight’s Code. And I would think that even if there is some confusion as to how our Jedi Creed could clearly define how we do not “enable”, the Knights Code should.

The Knights Code

A knight is sworn to valor.
His heart knows only virtue
His blade defends the helpless.
His word speaks only truth.
His shield shelters the forsaken.
His courage gives hope to the despairing.
His justice undoes the wicked.
His image brings peace.
His code breaks the darkness,
His legend brings light.


I would think that all Knights and above would be familiar with this and at least try to adhere to its ideals.

As a twisted bit of metaphysics would make it, if one would ever be a "Knight", one always was ...

... as such, it would be well that each and all of us would be true to its testimony.

And to eliminate the menace of lay interpretions of popular psychology (we are Jedi, not the editors of 'Cosmopolitan'), should we "enable" or "not-enable" is the dictate of the Force, not some 12 step group.

Valour, virtue, defense, Truth, shelter, Hope, Justice, imagination & peace, respect for our Code and the Light of legends immemorial ... Aren't these the most 'enabling' (capable, competent, powerful) qualities in the Galaxy ?

'Enabling' is as stupid a concept as 'co-dependency' was in the 80's and 90's. Let's just not 'enable' idiocy by indulging this sort of "common" sense codswabble.

I am a Jedi, an instrument of peace; (too often people believe that they can achieve peace without violence. Even in Ghandi's case, other's had to fight for his ability to be a pacifist, there was no non-violent solution)
Where there is hatred I shall bring love;(there is a lot of fiction out there that promotes this line of thinking- but people take advantage of one's love for them. Tough love is the same as love, but people don't tend to interpret a line like this in that fashion. Kind of sad really.)
Where there is injury, pardon;(turn the other cheek has become a problem among many Jedi, they let people walk all over them because they believe it is the only way to reach someone, by not showing them consequences of their actions)
Where there is doubt, faith; (People can easily interpret this line as "I have faith that so-and-so can be turned, so I don't want to eliminate them from my life-because their will come a time when perhaps I can finally reach that good part in them)
Where there is despair, hope; (Inspiring hope is as easy as making a statement "This too shall pass, as all other obstacles have passed)
Where there is darkness, light; (All I need to do is keep my spirits up, and I can inspire others)
And where there is sadness, joy. (Same as above)
I am a Jedi.
I shall never seek so much to be consoled as to console; (Communication ALWAYS sees the way through)
To be understood as to understand; (Focus on understanding others, and you'll allow them to get away with anything because you build sympathy for them)
To be loved as to love; (See the love comment above)
For it is in giving that we receive; (Continually giving someone chances is a form of enabling when they constantly overstep the line. Instead, it should be understood that sometimes you need to give someone up to "the Force"/Divine and let them go)
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned; (see above comment)
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. (this is more about "death, yet the Force" as we tend to interpret it from earlier in Jedi History)
The Force is with me always, for I am a Jedi. (same as above)

I would make the statement that this code sounds more like enabling than it does not enabling. Not because it is meant to sound that way, but because of all the "light and fluffy" you get out of it. The only problem with this code, is that it doesn't give a definitive idea that you CAN take action over inaction. Now Westcli, take a look at the comparison between this code and the Soldier's Creed:

I am an American Soldier.
I am a Warrior and a member of a team.
I serve the people of the United States, and live the Army Values.
I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.
I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.
I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.
I am an expert and I am a professional.
I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy, the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.
I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.
I am an American Soldier.

Everything I highlighted shows that in the Army they want you to take care of each other, but at the same time they want it tempered by holding others to the same values you hold yourself (the Army Values). At least, that's the ideal- you and I both know that a decent chunk of soldier's tend to only care about their own skin, and if enabling someone will keep themselves out of trouble, they don't have a problem allowing things to continue rather than stepping up for the integrity of the organization. The problem with the Soldier's Creed, is that it talks too heavily about action, and doesn't necessarily show temperance with inaction.

The code you have outlined doesn't provide a direct outlet for you to step up to the plate and take matters into your own hands, like a true NCO would. Which is why I would prefer the Knights Code over the first. It balances action and inaction, and addresses directly how to determine when such is applicable and when it is not.

With the Heartland Jedi, we attempted to find a way to balance this out with our own code:

I am a Jedi, a guardian of peace.
I acknowledge all life is sacred.
I choose to serve others,
I use my training to defend and protect, never to assault.
I will present a professional demeanor.
I will be mindful of my thoughts and control my actions.
I know myself and am aware of my surroundings.
I will approach all situations holistically.
I will seek knowledge with the understanding of self-ignorance.
I will find peace in the midst of a storm.
It is through understanding of the Force I am transformed.

I have learned many creeds and sworn many oaths over the years... and all have the same basic premise... do the right thing because it is the right thing to do!

NCO’s Creed

No one is more professional than I. I am a noncommissioned officer, a leader of Soldiers. As a noncommissioned officer, I realize that I am a member of a time honored corps, which is known as "The Backbone of the Army". I am proud of the Corps of noncommissioned officers and will at all times conduct myself so as to bring credit upon the Corps, the military service and my country regardless of the situation in which I find myself. I will not use my grade or position to attain pleasure, profit, or personal safety.
Competence is my watchword. My two basic responsibilities will always be uppermost in my mind—accomplishment of my mission and the welfare of my Soldiers. I will strive to remain tactically and technically proficient. I am aware of my role as a noncommissioned officer. I will fulfill my responsibilities inherent in that role. All Soldiers are entitled to outstanding leadership; I will provide that leadership. I know my Soldiers and I will always place their needs above my own. I will communicate consistently with my Soldiers and never leave them uninformed. I will be fair and impartial when recommending both rewards and punishment.
Officers of my unit will have maximum time to accomplish their duties; they will not have to accomplish mine. I will earn their respect and confidence as well as that of my Soldiers. I will be loyal to those with whom I serve; seniors, peers, and subordinates alike. I will exercise initiative by taking appropriate action in the absence of orders. I will not compromise my integrity, nor my moral courage. I will not forget, nor will I allow my comrades to forget that we are professionals, noncommissioned officers, leaders!

Ranger’s Creed

Recognizing that I volunteered as a Ranger, fully knowing the hazards of my chosen profession, I will always endeavor to uphold the prestige, honor, and high esprit de corps of the Rangers.
Acknowledging the fact that a Ranger is a more elite soldier who arrives at the cutting edge of battle by land, sea, or air, I accept the fact that as a Ranger my country expects me to move further, faster and fight harder than any other soldier.
Never shall I fail my comrades. I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong and morally straight and I will shoulder more than my share of the task whatever it may be, one-hundred-percent and then some.
Gallantly will I show the world that I am a specially selected and well-trained soldier. My courtesy to superior officers, neatness of dress and care of equipment shall set the example for others to follow.
Energetically will I meet the enemies of my country. I shall defeat them on the field of battle for I am better trained and will fight with all my might. Surrender is not a Ranger word. I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy and under no circumstances will I ever embarrass my country.
Readily will I display the intestinal fortitude required to fight on to the Ranger objective and complete the mission though I be the lone survivor.
Rangers Lead The Way!!!

I do not disagree with any of what is said but rather ask that we look at our own creed from more than one angle. Being an instrument of peace does not mean that I look after one person at a time. Nor does consoling mean that I am consoling the one that others may enable. When there is despair it is my place to bring hope... not just to the one “causing” the problem but to all involved. I do not just look to understand the actions of the one but rather the whole and how all the parts intertwine.