Respect Or Love?

Is it more important to be respected or to be loved?

If you think a combination of both...don't cheat! :laugh: Say so, but also explain - if you had to pick one or the other, which would it be?

I guess this question has two sides to think about:
1) for humanity in general
2) for you personally

It depends on your goal in life, I think. In a position of power, I think it is more important to be respected because your ideas will carry weight. You can have a greater impact in the professional world. Whereas if people simply loved you, they might do what you say even if it is wrong. Love has a way of moving people to not question things.. while respect, while important, doesn't take it all the way to that level.

In a position of relationships between people and friends and lovers, I think love is much more important than respect. Because, when it's just you two, respect could end up distancing you from the other person. If you looked up to somebody, you might separate yourself from their mind. But, love overcomes that. In picking one or the other, love might be more important. Though, I think a degree of respect is important as well!

I caveat this with the obligatory "Your Mileage May Vary"...

Where love is concerned, respect and love cannot be mutually exclusive. Love, true love, by its very nature, implies respect. If there isn't respect, then it's not love. It is something lesser. Commitment, adoration, loyalty, infatuation, lust, what have you. If you truly love someone, even as a community leader or a friend...you also respect them. Now whether or not you have the courage to act on the respect is a different story.

I suppose the matter hinges on how you define love, then. For me, everyone I love I deeply respect. I don't know if the term 'love' adequately describes that intangible thing out there. We apply it much too loosely, and I'm as guilty as anyone. I love pizza. I loved The Rock in the movie The Rundown. I love how my wife wiggles her freezing-cold toes between my feet when I slide into bed. Even that last one isn't love. I can't define it in its entirety, but I know it when I feel it. Like the man said, it's a timeless experience of the sublime. That is what art, music and poetry do, really...take an inadequate construct and give us glimpses of the sublime. Into those things which cannot be fully expressed, only hinted at and reminded of when we experienced them ourselves. But I digress...

I also suppose that the above makes my choice fairly clear. Love is more important. I know Nicolo Machiavelli would disagree, but our definitions of love differ I think. Respect is massively important. It is another of the intangibles that is hard to corral into words. Admiration and value are a part of it, but not always. Fear can play a role as well. It's a powerful thing, respect, but love beats it like a drum.

The world could benefit from more respect, but love or its absence will save us or damn us in the end, I think.

RiddleNox wrote: It depends on your goal in life, I think. In a position of power, I think it is more important to be respected because your ideas will carry weight. You can have a greater impact in the professional world. Whereas if people simply loved you, they might do what you say even if it is wrong. Love has a way of moving people to not question things.. while respect, while important, doesn't take it all the way to that level.

In a position of relationships between people and friends and lovers, I think love is much more important than respect. Because, when it's just you two, respect could end up distancing you from the other person. If you looked up to somebody, you might separate yourself from their mind. But, love overcomes that. In picking one or the other, love might be more important. Though, I think a degree of respect is important as well!

I completely agree with you - my thoughts exactly.


On a side note to V-Tog, there is another way of describing your "respect versus love" issue:
"hawk versus dove".

Hawks are aggressive, assertive, and make people follow them through fear, force, intimidation, etc.
Doves are loving, kind, helpful, and attractive and persuade people to follow them.


So the question can be rephrased, Do you want to be a hawk? Or a dove?

Machiavelli once asked a similar question; whether it is better to be loved or feared.

As far as the choice of love and respect goes, I have to side with respect. People who profess love to another often fail to respect that person. Without respect, all the love in the world won't cause a person to treat another decently or with compassion (though it really should, there is a lot of twisted 'love' in the world).

Even if you don't or can't love another, respect is a much more feasible goal that still lends itself to treating others well and therefore making the world a better place.

Of course, one would prefer to have both. But I'd always like to be respected; love would simply be nice.

Hawks are aggressive, assertive, and make people follow them through fear, force, intimidation, etc.
Doves are loving, kind, helpful, and attractive and persuade people to follow them.

I'm not sure I agree with the analogy about the hawk. Respect can be rooted in admiration for skill, knowledge, action, personal loyalty or many other things. As they say, respect is given, not earned.

This is an interesting topic and one that I feel the answer will depend on how one reads the question. But given as a whole, I have found that it is easy to love something you respect but not all love comes with respect.

I feel that both terms start with trust or at least dance around with it. When it comes to people; can you respect someone you do not trust? Or, can you love someone you didn’t trust at one point? And in either case, once the trust dies… doesn’t the respect or love soon follow?

And I guess that it would depend on which definition of respect or love we are referring to, or what meaning of the words.

So I would answer that I hope my actions inspire trust in others that respect or love may follow.

I believe all of the answers given are true and proper. I believe that because our lives are dynamic, we must have both when the time is right for each. It is impossible to separate the two from each other because they are the smooth face and the engraving on the same side of a coin.

If I must choose between Love and Respect...I have lost my humanity, so I choose solitude!

I believe that love and respect can easily be viewed as counterparts. Just as good and evil cannot exist if one is not present, love cannot be found without respect (or vice versa). If you love the people around you for who they are and what they have done, surely you must be respectful of their values and actions in order to feel such a strong emotion attactment to them. Love and respect can most definitely become separated as forementioned. Politicians are often respected by the people as the populace has faith in their representative. Proffesional bonding might be corespondant with some form of love, but this is all based upon one's personal beliefs. As nobody can hold the same viewpoint as another, love and respect are really unique to each individual found in society. To love the world and its people is also to respect their views and to accept the differences to be found amongst us all. However, one must be cautious before commiting to respecting or loving something, as it does take time to build such relationships between people. I suppose that personal caution, association and personality also play key roles in one's decision as to whether respect, love or both are considered equal or inbalanced.