High Expectations vs No Expectations

I often sit around refreshing TOTJO and wishing that someone would post a new discussion topic that I could get stuck into. Others of you often tell me that you do the same thing, so it seems that sometimes we're all just waiting for someone else to post something, which means that nothing will get posted! So I'm going to try to start up discussions more often.

So...

Is it better to have expectations that are too high, or no expectations at all?


I will post my thoughts...but I'll wait a while so that I don't accidentally influence my own question! :laugh:

V, I actually appreciate the topic that you've posted. It's been my opinion, and my experience, that the world is too hung up on the expectations of others in order to succeed or excel in whatever you choose to do. I, personally, believe that the only expectation a person should have, are the ones of yourself. It's not exactly having no expectations, nor having high expectations, more of a middle road.

i look at it like this if you dont expect anything you wont be disapointed

It is better to not have expectations at all. If you have expectations you are setting yourself up to be disappointed. However, requirements are different.
The difference is this: expectations allow someone else to control your emotions, requirements keep you in control. You should be clear about your requirements and make sure they are realistic.
No expectation is ever realistic.

I have to agree with the majority on this one. Expectations often go hand in hand with disappointment.

Expectations do indeed set you up to be disappointed

But in my view more fundamentally they place your thoughts elsewhere; the future. Your thoughts stray from the only time you ever really have; the present

If we live in the present things come and go as they will and we have to change and adapt to the situation to make the most of the time that is given to us

That being said we shouldn't disregard the future... It is irresponsible to proclaim that the future does not matter. If today you can stop someone who you know (100%) is going to cause terrible harm tomorrow then of course you should do your best to try (just an example)

As with many thoughts and feelings and ideas we will have throughout our lives it is not the having them that is bad, it is the obsessive importance and attachment we have to them that causes the greatest harm

You can always have expectations, hope or foreboding, but whatever the outcome you just have to accept that this is the way things are now and you must work around that

Expectations are almost the time-linear opposite of regrets in my view and my thoughts on both are essentially the same. Feel free to expect some outcome or other, feel sad or feel happy about the potential, but don't get obsessively attached to the idea and just go with the way of things...


"I once read Great Expectations, but it wasn't as good as I had hoped." :laugh:

hellisforhorses wrote: I have to agree with the majority on this one. Expectations often go hand in hand with disappointment.

Just for the sake of argument:

Isn't there a downside to everything?

I think expectations, which others have of you, but more important which you have of yourself, can help us rise above ourselfs and help us achieve the seemingly impossible/unrealistic.

I expect myself to do a 10 mile run from Amsterdam to Zaandam in September. I've already done this run twice (last year and the year before), yet this time I want to do it barefoot.

Running barefoot on 10 miles of concrete. It could be called unrealistic looking at the limited time I have for training.

Yet I expect nothing less from myself then to finish that run. Lately I've been telling others about my plan and now they expect me to do it also.

And you know what? The fact that others expect me to do it only motivates me more to actually do it!


If I don't make it, I'll surely be dissapointed. But if I didnt try at all I'd be even more dissapointed with myself.

The (high) expectations everyone has (including myself) motivates me to keep on going and push trough the pains I experience, which normally would have made me give up and quit.


So yes, dissapointment sucks. But in some cases expectations can be used in your advance, its up to you to figure out when they do and when they dont.

@ Akkarin: Even tho I have a future goal in mind, each time a run barefoot in the woods to train I totally enjoy THAT moment!

Knarf, it isn't that you shouldn't hope that you can never succeed. It's more that if you do fail that you don't beat yourself up about it

If you fail you fail. If you succeed you succeed. Don't get too worked up about either option and just live the experience

I agree, Akkarin.

In my opinion, expectations are almost a sure-fire way to be let down. When you "expect" something, you form an attachment to a desired or undesired end. Why would you do that? Attachment isn't a good thing. I think a Jedi, in his or her training, should be more concerned with simply growing.

I'll take a semi-shallow example.

If I were to want to do 100 pull ups, and I cannot do ANY pull ups right now, to expect to be able to do it in even a YEAR can be a let down when that year comes. But, when I step back to look at the bigger picture, I ask WHY do I want to do 100 pull ups? What comes of doing that? It seems to me that 100 pull ups is an arbitrary quantification of my inner desire to have stronger upper body strength, yah? So, if we look at the ROOT of what we want, then it becomes much easier to set a pathway to that desired end. You can do this and STILL be flexible.

I'm sure you've heard of S.M.A.R.T. goals, yes? They are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely goals. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMART_criteria) These goals, however, are not to help you reach your desired end, but they are solid increases in your performance. On the road to attaining something, having no expectations at ALL will deem an "end" to your ability to achieve greatness for sure IF that's the only thing you take into consideration. "Oh, I want to do 100 pull ups so I can have strong arms... but, if I can't do it that's ok too... I'll just keep trying..." While that may work for some, that won't work for me. You can have rigidity in your flexibility. So, I use these "SMART" goals to provide stepping stones.

Specific goals are those that have a distinct end. Say, for our example, "I want to do 100 pull ups? Well, then I'll break it down into many small and rigid goals. I want to attain 5 pull ups."

Specific, Quantifiable: 5 pull ups.

Measurable: 5 pull ups are measurable because they have a number attached to them. My current pull up count is only like... 2 pull ups MAYBE. So, there is an increase I can get to.

Attainable: 5 pull ups are attainable because it is only 2.5 times more pull ups than I can already do. If I work for a certain period of time, I should be able to reach this with the help of other arm strengthening methods.

Relevant: Again, pull ups are a sign of upper body strength, which is something I feel like I should work on to reduce fat and increase muscle for a healthier lifestyle.

Timely: I should set a time limit to reach this, otherwise I might be lazy about it. So, I will set an arbitrary goal of two weeks to achieve this. If I do it sooner, I will have acted within my limit. If I take longer, it means I need to INCREASE my arm exercise to complete the goal as soon as possible.


Rinse and repeat till you either get to your desired strength, or 100 pull ups... whichever comes first. At that pace, it might take a very long time, and some major lifestyle changes like diet and exercise. But, it all leads back to a healthier lifestyle, so it isn't really all that shallow.

The main things are:

Have a REASON for wanting to do something. If you have a good reason, then you will make it work somehow.
Don't take on too much at once, but DO keep going all the time and increasing your ability to achieve the goal.
Give yourself PLENTY of rest if it is a physical exercise. I would never exceed an hour.5 a day of workout unless you are very fit. There is a point when your body will refuse to work unless you are in shape, and your body will spend its time recovering YOU and not the muscles you want to work.
If you have hard expectations, don't necessarily LOWER them... I believe almost any expectation that is reasonable can be achieved. But, you have to (again) have a REASON for doing so and the motivation to keep making small advances. It's like a war of attrition on the walls that keep you out!

If you do happen to make NO expectations... then only SOME of the time will you be successful. You always leave the chance for loss of interest too. I would take the time to visualize yourself being able to do the things you want to do, and see if it is reasonable. If it is, then why not have the expectation of achieving it? The answer to that is: Achieve it SMARTly. Little by little, timely and quantifiable. Don't approach it with too much emotion in the actual process of trying to achieve your goals, or else you will end up invested in the process and lose yourself in it, maybe not even trying to achieve the same goals you were interested in in the first place! Oy, I've done that before.

I know Akkarin, I was just trying to show that expectation can serve as a motivation to reach Single-Mindedness.(You've read the 11 life lesson from Bruce Lee right!?)

A lot of time people jump from one thing to another, quiting before they reach any results. Expectation can serve as a motivation to commit to something and follow trough.