The Importance of Family

One of the strongest bonds we will ever hold in our lives is family. However, family does not necessarily imply our blood relations. For those like myself, who, though relations with my parents and other family is improving, had difficult childhoods there's a tendency to push away from blood relations or consider them unimportant. This doesn't mean we don't have families that are important to us. They're made up of close friends and spouses. These relationship form the basis for our strength and growth, providing love and compassion as well as the push we need to improve ourselves. At the same time, we hold a special obligation to nurture and protect our family, just as they do us.

Who do you consider family? What binds that connection? Do you even need to have met them in person to see them as such?

My own personal family contains a few blood relations but most of them are friends who I've been there for and who would be and have been there for me when I need it. How long I've known a person doesn't matter. more its about a certain deep connection I experience with them that binds us together. At the same time, I think, in a larger sense, we are all family. Connected, as we are, through the Force we are all one. When we consider these connections we come to have greater compassion for all the living things.

What would you do for family? What effort would you spare? If we are all family, what holds you back from putting that effort into everyone you meet?

I have difficulty in this area, in that my willingness to help often outstrips my means. The only things I would not do to help or protect them are to harm someone else out of vengeance or without cause.. I suppose in this I would spare those that are innocent or those whom I cannot act against without making a victim of them. As far as what holds me back I think there are only two things. One, holding that realization, that we are all family in my mind. Its easy to put up false barriers to distance ourselves. There are so many people, so lost who speak out of fear or hate, if we leave ourselves open to them as family, their words can wound more easily. Yet for this very reason it may be important to prevent those barriers. My other hurdle, is my own self devotion and development. I am my own family and I cannot value my needs above anyone else's but neither can I value theirs. This self respecting view easily slips into excuses of not having enough time or not knowing what to do and resulting in not even trying.. The awareness of these things within ourselves is the first step toward correcting them, and in some cases, the last as well.

There's the old saying that friends are the family we choose. In my opinion family are those we know well enough to trust, rely on, to care about and want the best for. Of course, in an ideal world we would extend those virtues to anyone. But this isn't ideal world, so those we think as family tend to be those near to us who we feel close to by virtue of shared blood, personality or traits. We take as our family those we feel worthy of being close intimates. At least, that's my definition of family.

As for what I would do for my family, I would do for them what I would expect them to do for me. I see it as reciprocal; I wouldn't ask someone else to do for me what I would not do for them. I help my family because I think they deserve my help, and in turn I feel comfortable being helped by them.

I look at my relationship with my family a little differently. Although I hope that they treat me right, I do not count on it. In my life I have often been the scapegoat for the misdeeds of others in my family. I have learned that I must be me no matter what others do or say about me, including my family. I know my family cares for me, but I think for my self and do not always follow the "family" plan. You would know what I mean if you have an Italian family background. There is a issue of them trying to be controlling through playing on guilt.

I instead choose to treat others with the respect that they think they deserve. I also do not expect anything and give my all no matter what is returned to me. If I don't do it this way, I get angry and frustrated. Anger leads to the dark side is a true statement.

There are two types of family in my life; biological and psychological.

Biological family are all those people that have a blood or marraige relationship to me. These I cannot choose and I have no control over. There are a couple of biological relatives I would never associate with if I were to choose. There are many more that I am blessed with.

A psychological family is one that I choose to be with. Family to me is anyone who would be a part of my life, accept me in all my forms, give to me as I give to them, defend me as I would defend them, forgive me when I make a mistake, and be a positive role model for all people.

I could go on, but I need to stop and consider the larger picture, because family should be any human on earth that you can touch, see, smell, hear, or talk to.

To me, family are the ones who are there for you no matter what, and differences in time and space can't truly separate you from them. I am very thankful and honoured to say that my immediate (blood) family are my dearest friends, and they have been the most amazing support system for me throughout my entire life. There is a sort of unspoken bond that is far beyond a sharing of genetic code. Perhaps it is a strengthened Force-bond that keeps us so connected. It flows through and between all people, but some connections are more apparent and stronger than others. So there's a bond between me and the guy I sat next to on the tube this morning, just as much as there is a bond between me and my sister with whom I have a much longer history with. But from my perspective, the bond between me and my sister is more apparent, easier to sense for me. And the ones that seem to be head and shoulders above the rest are the ones I'd call family. So my parents, my sister, one of my cousins, several close friends, my boyfriend, even my parents' cat. I know that no matter what happens, no matter how hard I fall, they will be there to help me back up. And the reverse is just as true: they know I'd do anything for them, even if it means sacrificing my life. That is family for me.

Who is my family? What would I do for them?

My biological family and I are not as close as others that have become “my family” over the years. I would do everything in my means to help, aid and assist my family; and, this has put me in some hard places sometimes.

But many times, the bonds we develop with others become more powerful than the bonds shared with mere family and their importance begins to integrate with your life. This is when you discover not only who your real family is but who your best friend is.

I consider everyone here to be a part of my family and I love you all.
May the Force be with each of you… as you travel through your days.