Doing the Right Thing

I'm not sure how to begin this one, exactly. I'll come right out and ask: How do you know when you're doing the right thing, if the right thing causes others pain?
Say, for example, taking a child from a parent who isn't fit to be a parent (whatever that means). I know that causes pain for the parent and the child, both, but is often in the best interests of both - especially the child.
So, I want to know, how do you know? There is so much hatred behind these types of things, so many rumors, pain, confusion, lies, etc. These things are incredibly overwhelming and often make you wonder if you are actually doing the right thing. I don't like how people listen to one side of a story and refuse to listen to another. I don't like excuses, blaming, or anything along those lines, either.

I'm obviously talking about something specific but trying to ask non-specific questions, so I hope this makes sense.

I think that the Force, or our intuition, or both, usually guides us towards what we instinctively feel to be the right thing. The problem comes when, as you say, it causes pain in some way. This is something that I particularly struggle with - causing other people pain always makes me feel extremely guilty and upset, and makes me question whether the cause of action that I have decided is 'right' really is. But on the whole, I find that my gut feeling is usually right.

However, that said, I don't believe that we should act impulsively on gut feelings or instincts. There is always the possibility that we are wrong, or that there is an alternative solution which would be better for all parties. So presuming that we have time on our hands, we should always evaluate the instinct and make sure that we feel comfortable with our decision and actions.

In the end, there is no definitive answer as to what the right path of action is, because it depends so heavily on personal values and morals, which can be different for each individual person. This means that, again, if there is time, it is helpful to be able to consult others, or at least think about what the majority might do or try to see things from opposing viewpoints. As long as we do our utmost to make the decision which appears to be the most 'right' and moral, we cannot ask any more of ourselves.

How to know if you're doing the right thing...

That is a good question. And the answer is greatly determined by the approach you decide to take when solving it.

Let us begin with the analytical approach. You can way all the facts, pros and cons and try to reach a non biased conclusion devoid of emotional interference. This seems to be the goal of most agencies and people of repute.

You can act purely on emotion and instinct. Disregarding any mental complaint to the said course of action. And it seems that this is often the choice of what could be considered the irrational and impulsive.

Both are valid (not necessarily preferred) courses of action. That will give you an end result you can live with if you “stick to your guns.”

The next is a course that will offer no guaranties or certainties, nor will you be positive it is right; but, you will act feeling as though you have done your best to arrive at the best solution. Be aware of situation from an as honest view as you can determine to be accurate. This may entail getting many sides to the same story and extrapolating a common truth. Be calm, at piece and aware of your own emotional involvement. Meditate... not on the action, opinions, causes or possible outcomes; but let yourself be lead to an answer. You may not understand it or even consciously fully agree with it. But I believe that in the end it will be the one that causes YOU the least amount of grief.

Then, let the past remain in the past and move on. Here and now are all that really matter.

This, of course is only my opinion. Take it with a grain of salt.

What is the right thing?

The 'right thing' is always going to be opinionated

But the only opinion that truly matters, that is truly of importance to you is YOURS!

The most important thing is that if you can look at something that you did and honestly say 'I did the best possible thing that I thought I could' then you have nothing to fear

If you can't say that, well then what did you do wrong and what might be a better approach next time?

Sometimes the right thing to do is the wrong thing...

Tough love?

The fact that you're asking this question shows a lot about your character

Just remember that if you asked 100 people what to do then you'd get 100 answers and maybe lots of those will be equally correct

As long as you can look back and think 'I did my best' and 'I did what I thought was right' or 'I tried to help as much as I could' then don't worry

You won't always get it right but each time you make a mistake is another time to learn from!

Good luck

I appreciate all of the speedy comments. Thank you all, very much. May the Force be with us!

Ahh, doing the right thing, there is no right and wrong answer to the dilemma of doing the right thing. All of the answers given so far are correct and incorrect.

The reason I say this is because each instance for decision making, no matter how similar they seem, have small variations that change the total perspective of the "right answer". What is the right thing to do today is wrong tomorrow. There are times that we can ponder the question of what to do, and there are times we need to act quickly with limited information.

One point that struck me mostly was the idea that any decision we make should not hurt anyone. Obviously this is impossible and at times impractical. If you ever had to make a decision about a coworker, you would know, that the right thing to do is going to hurt someone and for us to grieve about it is unwarranted and futile. It makes us sad and feel bad for the other person whom the decision went against, but based on fact, the right thing we did is already done.

For example: I was given the task by the chief of retraining a firefighter who was having trouble on their shift. The lieutenant of the other shift stated the FF was not competent in their skills. I liked this FF but after working with the FF, it became clear they were not doing well. After several months, the decision had to be made by me as to whether the FF will continue on the job or be released.

What is your decision? The safety and welfare of the rest of the FD, or the paycheck the children of the FF need to survive? The Union contract or management rights? The well being of the FF in question or the continued poor performance that can cause problems in the future? How do you think you will feel in the future having made the right decision but finding out the FF lost their house and filed bankruptcy?

The right decision is not based on how it makes you feel, but the facts you have at the time you make the decision. This is the only truth. You will know that it is the right decision when you still your mind, purge the emotion, and judge by unbiased fact.

There is your story, their story, the truth, and the Force that sees all stories from all perspectives with unbiased omniscience.

The right thing is simple...its the one you can live with. Its the feeling you get when no matter how badly you feel yourself you still come back to the same answer...the decision you made. Was there no other option? As a teacher I have had to make decisions that greatly affects the life of a child. The protection of the child should always take priority. If it is the wrong decision...then the parent will forgive you because they will see that you, as well as they, have their Childs interests at heart. Then it is the right decision, because you will be proven wrong. What I'm trying to get at is the 'right' decision is not always the correct one.You will not know that till it has been made. The 'tight' decision is the one when even when it is proves to be the incorrect decision will still not hurt anyone.

Hope this is clear...if not please say and i will explain.

the right thing is a situational matter of perspective...it will depend upon the information available at the time, the conditions at the time, and perception at the time...all we can do is take as much information as we can into consideration, and use wisdom and experience to make a decision, then be prepared for all the possible repurcussions of that decision...

if deep down it "feels" like the right choice to make at the time, then it is the right choice to make at the time...