Community Tips on Discussing and Debating

The TOTJO Forums is a great place to discuss views of all kinds. Of course, it's not just the openness of the forum that makes doing so fun and enlightening, but also because of the mindful, mannered, thoughtful, and courteous etiquette that helps to allow this.

One of the things a Jedi in training at TOTJO learns, whether by watching discussion on the forums or by learning directly through the lessons on Etiquette in the Initiate Studies Program, is how to communicate their views to others in an informative way more than in a personally passionate manner, so that what is said doesn't risk crossing potentially offensive boundaries, and in the process, the message is conveyed in a clearer, more precise manner.

However, not every member sees the initiates lesson on this etiquette, unless they've decided to take the studies and have made it to that lesson. So for everyone here who has yet to, I have made this thread.

Below, contribute your tips for discussing and debating topics as the ones normally discussed here at TOTJO!

For example:
What do you think makes a discussion or debate fun and informative?
What kind of methods do you use to make your wording as clear as possible?
How do you control your personal feelings from over-taking the message you give?

Please Note: This thread should be free of any references to any members or past topics. This is here to help any and all members equally, to get an idea of what helps a person get their point across in the best possible manner.

What do you think makes a debate fun and informative?

I didn't come to this Temple to debate, nor do I stay so that I can debate. Debate naturally happens though when you get an amalgamation of Jedi members with such different upbringings, backgrounds and cultural sensitivities. What makes the debate fun for me when the nature of a thread naturally turns into a debate is when one side of an issue raises something that is at odds with my own belief but they back it up with evidence or some other item of proof (even if anecdotal). I like to learn so I'm okay with my beliefs being challenged. This makes it fun and informative at the same time, i.e. being willing to let our beliefs and views be challenged. I speak for myself here. Not everyone enjoys their beliefs being challenged or picked apart.

What kind of methods do you use to make your wording as clear as possible?

I try to avoid jumbling thoughts together incoherently. And I try to avoid run-on-sentences. Basically, I try to elaborate as clearly as I can. If I misunderstand someone, I won't hesitate to ask for clarification from them. I hope others would act the same towards me if I'm unclear.

How do you control your personal feelings from over-taking the message you give?

By trying to have a sense of humor.

If someone attacks me or my beliefs, I will usually laugh it off and not take it personally. I try to let go of my attachment to anger when my beliefs are challenged or I'm attacked. If I'm rigid to the attack, I can snap like a toothpick. But if I bend to it, let it pass by me, like a tree in the wind, I can still have my say, but not get so out of sorts about the outcome.

I'm striving to get better with getting my point across without sounding arrogant or antagonizing. Sometimes I fear that my more abrupt personality offends people without me intending it. Yet, since I've been at TOTJO, I find myself being more conscious about what I say.
Firstly, I try to remember that in a debate, especially online, all who are involved are real people with real feelings like myself. I might never see their face, but there is also a sense that even if we disagree, we are still Jedi. We all believe in one common thread of life, the Force! That already makes us more alike than most people, and Jedi are spread out through the world.
When in debate in the feeds, it makes sense to read over your words before you enter them. Correct punctuation can make a difference in the argument. As can the words you use to make it. Some words or expressions have more of an antagonizing connotation than the pure definition relates.
I also find giving your strong opinion with the disclaimer In My (Humble) Opinion [I.M.(H).O.] works to not incur the wrath of TOTJO.
Otherwise I enjoy seeing others views and sharing my own. There is always the added comfort of being brothers/sisters in the Force, which can extend to the rest of humanity in the purest altruistic sense. That what TOTJO has done for me!

I find that many of the threads feel like they get very accusative and people get very defensive when the quoting starts.

Yes quoting is good, but sometimes it seems as though a single person or idea is being singled out and the topic gets lost.

After a while the tread becomes a "he said she said" finger pointing competition.

Granted, I am not perfect. But, I try to keep to the topic as much as possible and not just focus on what one person might of said.

I also try not to debate. Just state my opinion or point of view as it may be relevant or pertain to the subject and move on.

If a thread discussion here on TOTJO were compared to a quiz, one might be smart to realize that there is no one right answer... to anything. Therefore, when I state an opinion, I make sure that it is expressed as such, so that nobody else feels that my message is being “issued” to anybody else. An opinion / perception will only apply to the one expressing it. I do not believe it will, nor should, apply to anybody else, with only one exception: if another person willing agrees with it.

I personally also don’t believe in pointing at any body else’s point of view and attacking it because I don’t agree with it. I aim to anticipate disagreement anywhere at anytime, and know how to maturely agree to disagree.

When I start a thread with the means of a complete discussion, I usually like to invite all points of view intentionally. When I do this, instead of saying “THIS is how I feel because I KNOW it’s right”, instead I will say, in essence “I’ve personally come to see something THIS way. But I wish to know what your view of it is!” When this happens, somebody else will express their view. No matter how much different it is from mine, I will choose to use their view to either confirm or allow myself to question my own view. I have done this a few times already since I’ve been here actually and it’s really opened my eyes to things.

My style is one of questions....

Like a child, I am seeking to truly understand....

I try using Smileys and emoticons to show I'm not being a troll....

Although I have been accused of intentionally being difficult, I swear I don't do that....

If I ask, I truly want to know....

As a parent, and Martial Arts instructor, I see people have trouble wrapping their heads around the simplest concepts.... Honestly, how hard is it to use your "same hand, same foot"? More difficult than you can imagine (for the new or uninterested, it can be very tough)...

Patience, reaffirming, repetition... It is very embarrassing for an adult, when you point out they keep using the opposite foot to their hand... There is a reason some things take so long to learn....

Maybe I can't wrap my head around the concept... I ask the person who's concept I am trying to understand, questions... And if I cannot figure it out from the first answer I am given, maybe I need to rephrase the question... Cause the concept is perfectly clear to the one I'm asking....

Patience, understanding, tolerance....