dealing with anxiety/stress at work?

I'm sorry, this is going to be quite long, but I haven't been listening to my lectures recently because I've just been too stressed from work and figured that would put a cloud on my perspective. It's been busy, and I must be doing something wrong since I seem to be getting a lot of customer complaints lately(though I can't see anything that I've changed about my demeanour)

To start, I've always had a problem with babies/toddlers. They creep me out. It is partially the lack of hygiene(if the parents can't wash their hands after using a public restroom, how likely are they to properly bathe that baby? I've ALWAYS had germ-phobic tendencies. Even as a kid if my parents would eat from my plate I'd be done with it no matter how hungry I was, and I tend to go through one of the quart sized bottles of hand sanitiser every couple of months at work.) part of it is the thought that they tend to stare constantly(reminds me of the T-rex in Jurassic Park. "It can't see us if we don't move" part.) and partially that the crying/babbling noises set me off like nails on a chalk board set most other people off.

That out of the way. I work at a movie theatre. In the first. . . . 7 years or so that I worked a customer service I can remember all of twice that we had a problem with a crying baby being near enough that it effected me. Once was when mommy took her 2 and 4 year olds to see some slasher flick and left with the 2 year old crying "LOL! I thought it would be the 4 year old getting scared! HAHAHA! I didn't even think that the little one would realise what was going on!"(not joking.) the second was when some teenager brought her 3 day old baby into an action flick with a lot of bombs because she didn't know what in the world to do with a baby, being that her parents pressured her into keeping it. Lately? In the past 3-ish I've had a good dozen panic attacks from this For some reason it is now considered vogue to bring your infant/hyperactive toddler to a theatre and when the baby starts to cry instead of LEAVING, mom and dad decide to take turns sitting in the lobby ignoring the screaming baby and looking angry that everyone else was complaining about it crying. We had one lady a week or so ago who took her 1 year old out crying, held him on the bench and had a screaming contest with him about how he was misbehaving and making her mad.

Basically I could, for the most part, deal, but then last year we had one of those girls who just HAD TO have a baby right then. So she got in bed with one of our managers about a week after she started and when she found out that she was pregnant, started pressing me to have to be around her baby. She was only trying to "help me" you see when she would say things like "Oh, if you don't want to come see him in the hospital the day he's born we'll just take him to work/your house and the first time I see you sitting down I'll sneak up on you and put him on your lap."(this wasn't the only issue I was having with her, she was also pressing me about being a vegetarian.) Again, not joking, though I wish I was. After I quit talking to her and tried to avoid her at work it escalated to her telling the boss that I was turning people against her, was always giving her nasty looks etc. I actually asked the boss to quit working me with her, a request which was denied as me(the bad girl/drama starter/"instigator" in all of this) trying to cause MORE problems. She quit last December, but not before making my issues a good dozen times worse than they were before.

Today, she decided to come in for whatever reason and sit in the lobby. I got sent home(after another stern lecture about how bad my customer service has become, about how working at a movie theatre I should expect that there will be babies screaming and how if this keeps up I'll be losing my job) after being panicky for over an hour because she was there just to hang out while her boyfriend was working. It gets to where I get shaky, I can't concentrate, I have some mild issues breathing, I end up crying because every fibre in my body is screaming at me to get away from the threat and I physically cannot because I am at work and without a doctor's note saying I have a panic disorder I wouldn't be allowed to.

What can I do to get over this? One of my managers thinks I should just flip the switch in my brain saying I don't like it to saying I love to hear babies whining in the lobby, the other thinks that the way to "help me" is to force me to sit there and not allow me to pace(only mildly helps, more in the way that it keeps me from being shaky ) listen to headphones(even if there aren't other customers around) and threaten that if I self injure that I'll be in trouble. I AM looking into a college program next fall(when it is hopefully starting up) which would put me in a lab job hopefully in 3 years so I don't need to worry about my work issues anymore, but that assumes I'll be able to last for another 3 years and that the job field will still be good enough in 3 years that I'll be able to find something.

I can't afford to see a psychiatrist unless I find a low-income one, which(assuming my hours don't get cut because I got sent home today ) I can't find looking online, unless you count the page I found the last time I looked(and can't seem to find now) which would mean I'd still need to be eligible for medicaid, which the last time I looked I was not. I've tried chamomile tea which didn't work, self injury doesn't help, though my body tends to leave me digging my nails into my skin at the very least as something. I can't pace if there's a line, nor can I listen to music to get the sound out of my head. I just need some sort of coping skill that I can use at work before I do end up losing my job because I've got a ridiculous anxiety disorder that I can't afford to get treated. Does anyone have any suggestions/things that have worked for them that I could try?

The fact that you've even considered self injury says there's a serious problem. Find someone qualified to talk to, really. I know I'm not qualified but you've got to be able to find someone.

The only problem is that no matter what I've looked up I can't seem to find any sort of low-income places locally. I found one that was $80/session, which I could possibly afford once a month, but she says on the website that she wants to see people weekly. If not advice on how to not get panic attacks, at least something to search for to find a program that welcomes people who don't have a lot of money coming in. Trust me, I definitely want to see someone about my problems, I just can't afford anything with my job and without a college education can't find anything that will pay better.

The self injury is something I've been dealing with for years. I started in 5th grade to get over stress, my parents ignored it. I ended up quitting for a few years in late middle/early high school, yet then got back into it when I first started this job as a means to deal with stress(well, started as a specific thing when our old manager freaked out at me for following his orders) and just hasn't entirely gone away again.

Not to sound insensitive, but if you have a problem with a baby's hygiene, just don't touch the baby. I understand that the noises they make are irritating, and I also dislike when people bring babies to movies. When I went to see Harry Potter the other week, there was a woman there with two babies who cried whenever they saw Voldemort, and I was very irritated.

Unfortunately, there is no easy fix for anxiety disorders. You don't need to regularly see a therapist, but if you were to see someone once, they could likely subscribe anti-anxiety medications (Seroquil, Abilify). When you get home, you could try teaching yourself coping skills, such as breathing exercises. You also need to realize that when a woman has a child, she typically becomes very careful with regards to their health, so I imagine that (save a soiled diaper), most babies are probably pretty clean.

The Jedi code helps me with anxiety, also breathing, meditation.

As for work find another job you have costumer service experience go to wal mart (evil corperation yes) but they will hire you, or any other place for that matter.. the problem is simalar to the once i had at the movie theater i just hated my job everything and everyone bothered me like the sound of Styrofoam rubbing up against cardboard or nails on chalk board. so I quit it felt liberating to free myself though I was out of work and had to move in with my mom again I was still free. Just on your free time go job hunting when you find a job quit the theater.

Its hard but you just got to not worry so much even if its hard not to. Try and preoccupy your extra time with things your interested in, then while your at work, think of ways to better your extra time.

I can't stand anxiety at all I get an attack once or twice a week you just got to work at it I guess

hmmm, often the best way to deal with a phobia is to confront it head on and see that there really is nothing to fear. many psychiatrists use this method or recommend it.

i know how you feel about the whining of a baby it's like nails on a chalkboard and it makes me wish i had a mute button for them. i learned how to tune out unnecessary sounds through focus. my sis used to have me babysit her 8 kids....living birth control...but i learned alot from the experience.

if your job is no longer satisfying or pleasant then perhaps it is time for a change, or at least take a few days off to just relax.

try different types of active meditation to develop your ability to shift focus away from the noise and to your own inner space. for example, if a customer orders a soda and a baby is whining, focus on the sound of the soda pouring into the cup instead of the baby whining. once you can control your focus you'll be able to tune out whatever annoys you.

self inflicted harm will accomplish nothing, it will just make more problems.

yoga is another way to develop your focus while also improving breathing,flexability, and overall health(reducing stress and anxiety)...i know, it doesn't seem like something a strong manly type should be doing...that's what i used to think, but it does work.

i hope things do work out for you with whatever route you take.