Help and guidance would be appreciated

Hello all,

I am in the need of some help from my fellow Jedi. I have recently regained the silence in my mind I had once had. I have learned a lot from a book I am reading called: "A New Earth" by Eckart Tolle. The book is fantastic but I seem to be struggling. It says in the book that the ego is the problem that prevents us from having a still mind. I have mostly regained my old form of being in a meditative state most of the day but recently... It seems I am struggling dealing with the "thirst" for power and I know it is wrong. I know desire is part of the ego but for some reason I feel as if I'm missing something with this stillness. As if I am missing some of my life in itself. As if I don't have enough... Perhaps it is because I am mixing up ego desires with "deep desires". My struggle is determine what is good and what is bad. I feel as if I'm almost lifeless and I'm wanting power. I'm wanting to feel strong and powerful. I guess my ego has always had the illusion of being superior and now it seems like I am not enough or I am missing something. I am in the process of trying to figure out what to do for college as well. I also have anxiety issues which tend to be more and more inconsistent. I have days of great joy and little anxiety and then I have days that are literary like hell with anxiety and depression. Does anyone know why I have this thirst for power and how I can determine what a healthy wanting is compared to a negative and compulsive want. Perhaps recognizing my need and not obsessing about it is the best. I can't seem to find a way to view this from an outside point of view. I know the answer to this but in this situation I feel as if I cannot touch it yet if it was happening to someone else I would know the answer. It is as if I'm being to personal with my problem. Any suggestions?

A common thought I've had is I want to "use the force" and be able to control it for good. I know I am not ready for it but I feel as if I had abilities I could be more complete. Perhaps i am missing it all together. I do believe we can use the force for things but I don't want you to think I am expecting to do anything crazy anytime soon.

Please help.

(I wrote this with the will inside me no thoughts were used for streaming feeling from within)

Perhaps it is from the self sense of loss that I have taken. When I realized my ego was the source of who I thought I was. I would like the tools to overcome this and continue on down my path. Meditation would be of help I am sure but I seem to overwhelmed by the complexity of the situation and do not believe an answer can be given in meditation. Perhaps my trust in the force is not yet strong enough. Perhaps my very ego which has been submerged is attaching itself to this experience and is holding onto what it has left these feelings of being powerless. My ego has transformed perhaps. Is that the answer I seek? Perhaps there is more.

I do believe the ego is the cause of my feeling of powerlessness but perhaps there is more too it. Can you please share your thoughts and wisdom my fellow friends.

Thank you.
Yours truly,
Elemental.

I feel you on the anxiety. I really do, I know how much it sucks, it hurts. Sometimes it feels like knives are gutting me open. What helps me with these anxiety attacks (if its nice out) I go for a walk and name off the types of flowers and trees and birds or track foxes rarely find any though but its the walk and the soaking up of the nature and my surroundings or go fishing or if you don't have the time count to thirty real slow or do breathing exercises. I often try to separate myself from whatever it is that is that's causing them, to try to level my nervousness. It happens mostly when I watch the history channel or I when think of dying or any thing really, I have found drama doesn't help either.

everyone is different I suppose so these might not help but it is what helps me and gets me through my anxiety and depressions I think it helps more than any benzodiazepine it helps me maybe it'll help you

the only way to truly reel in the ego is to face it head on. this can be terrifying if you are not yet ready to do so.

in order to regain control, you must lose everything. by this i mean take some time away from everything you normally do in your day to day life. camping or hiking in nature, or just drifting down a river can allow you to do a semi-active meditation(meditation in which you are doing a physical activity that requires little to no thought). only by remembering and experiencing how little we actually need do we take control over our desire for more...only through trust in something greater then ourselves do we become free from desire.

we will always get what we need, but only when we truly need it...even if we don't know it.

i have been down that path and i'm certain many others have too...wanting more then what you have...the problem is that no matter how much you get it's never enough...this is how i know that to rid yourself of that desire to aquire, you must get away from everything that creates that desire.

when you seperate yourself from materialistic distractions and sorround yourself with nature you can expand your mind and spirit, this will allow the answers you seek...

things come and go, people come and go, all things come to an end at some time, but then there's a new beginning...

I understand what you guys mean. Connecting with nature is a wonderful way of dissolving the ego and reconnecting with the force. I have had days were I have no thoughts at all I have completely stillness but it seems I can't seem to determine what thoughts are good and what thoughts are bad. It is as if I'm punishing myself for any thought by saying it is of the ego. Perhaps allowing thoughts to be expressed before denying them all is best. The book speaks about being aware of your ego is the first way to overcome it. To recognize your ego is there and just accept it as just ur ego. In the process of doing that I feel I have done more then just accept the ego as ego but rather all my thoughts as ego. I'm not sure if that makes any sense it is challenging to explain. I have had stillness but it seems the ego is returning in all new shapes and forms. It wants to survive clearly. Perhaps allowing the ego to live but not control your life is key. I feel as if any sense of accomplishment would be the ego taking control. I can't differentiate between the ego and my deep self. It's as if I'm taking everything and calling it the ego and being ignorant of the deep self. The force within or the force it itself. Perhaps overtime I will learn to walk this line much more balanced. I am excited to continue my studies of my this book. Perhaps once I have finished the whole book things will make more sense to me.

Thank you all for your responses. If anyone has anything else to add please feel free too.

Thanks again for your help guys. The anxiety is something I will continue to work on. I will try some of your tricks you use Aeros. thank you.

Here are three short stories.





A young wife fell sick and was about to die. "I love you so much," she told her husband, "I do not want to leave you. Do not go from me to any other woman. If you do, I will return as a ghost and cause you endless trouble."

Soon the wife passed away. The husband respected her last wish for the first three months, but then he met another woman and fell in love with her. They became engaged to be married.

Immediately after the engagement a ghost appeared every night to the man, blaming him for not keeping his promise. The ghost was clever too. She told him exactly what has transpired between himself and his new sweetheart. Whenever he gave his fiancee a present, the ghost would describe it in detail. She would even repeat conversations, and it so annoyed the man that he could not sleep. Someone advised him to take his problem to a Zen master who lived close to the village. At length, in despair, the poor man went to him for help.

"Your former wife became a ghost and knows everything you do," commented the master. "Whatever you do or say, whatever you give you beloved, she knows. She must be a very wise ghost. Really you should admire such a ghost. The next time she appears, bargain with her. Tell her that she knows so much you can hide nothing from her, and that if she will answer you one question, you promise to break your engagement and remain single."

"What is the question I must ask her?" inquired the man.

The master replied: "Take a large handful of soy beans and ask her exactly how many beans you hold in your hand. If she cannot tell you, you will know she is only a figment of your imagination and will trouble you no longer."

The next night, when the ghost appeared the man flattered her and told her that she knew everything.

"Indeed," replied the ghost, "and I know you went to see that Zen master today."

"And since you know so much," demanded the man, "tell me how many beans I hold in this hand!"

There was no longer any ghost to answer the question.





A soldier named Nobushige came to Hakuin, and asked: "Is there really a paradise and a hell?"

"Who are you?" inquired Hakuin.

"I am a samurai," the warrior replied.

"You, a soldier!" exclaimed Hakuin. "What kind of ruler would have you as his guard? Your face looks like that of a beggar."

Nobushige became so angry that he began to draw his sword, but Hakuin continued: "So you have a sword! Your weapon is probably much too dull to cut off my head."

As Nobushige drew his sword Hakuin remarked: "Here open the gates of hell!"

At these words the samurai, perceiving the master's discipline, sheathed his sword and bowed.

"Here open the gates of paradise," said Hakuin.




Yamaoka Tesshu, as a young student of Zen, visited one master after another. He called upon Dokuon of Shokoku.

Desiring to show his attainment, he said: "The mind, Buddha, and sentient beings, after all, do not exist. The true nature of phenomena is emptiness. There is no realization, no delusion, no sage, no mediocrity. There is no giving and nothing to be received."

Dokuon, who was smoking quietly, said nothing. Suddenly he whacked Yamaoka with his bamboo pipe. This made the youth quite angry.

"If nothing exists," inquired Dokuon, "where did this anger come from?"

I like that... and really anxiety is something I have to work with it (I still do) is something most people to work with.