Why is change so hard for us to accept?

"Change is the only constant in life.. "
- Herakleitos

We all in one way or another are beings of habit. Change makes us uncomfortable because we are asked to adjust which forces us to make both mental and physical re-arrangements. We very often are so afraid of change that we change our environment to suit climate and fashion but rarely do we change our attitudes to suit our inner selves. Adjustment means adaptation. Adaptation, one of the principle components of human psychology is also a measure of mental health. The necessity for adapting to a new environment or even small change in our old environment places some stress on any person. It requires us to develop new perceptions, analyze our environment further. This is all subconsious work we do without even knowing it. Most of us like everything to remain the same so that calm and peace will prevail in our lives, and that we do not have to think too hard. Ultimately we cover ourselves with things and more things. These protective layers we will alter and change but don’t dare go beyond personal space to what we truly are.

Greetings Mater Jon

Indeed we are creatures of habit and going with the flow so to say is always the easiest route.As it takes little effort and everyone else is doing the same so therefore it must be ok.

Some time ago I attended a youth training course with a good friend of mine.Many of the students there.were telling of their frustration of being accepted with a circle of friends. Having to dress a particular way,music In short when the idea of having a choice was put to them.they all actually nodded in agreement and actually didn't really care how any one looked or what music they listened to.

I have even found this to be similar when working in big city environments seem to be pressured into.joining a fitness club going cycling dance lessons for the children (whether they like it or not)

All this just to be accepted with a certain circle of 'Friends'..In my view this is very unhealthy for the spirit.

To honest, I used to be the same. Some years ago when my inner spirit found KI (the Force) and my outlook on life in general began to change . I was a little apprehensive of how my friends would react if I told them my beliefs were towards Zen Buddhism.Some frowned,some laughed...but the friends I STILL have payed no mind and even now when I tell them of Jediism.The reply is normally something like.'it figures'. Even my ex army mates who I expected to give me a right ribbing over it all.Actually found it very interesting. To be honest I found that quite a bit of a shock.

I guess we need to stop behaving like sheep and find the courage to say. 'No'. I feel that Jediism gives you that courage. As one of my Ex army mates quite colourfUlly puts it..JUST ....... D0 IT! LOL

Yours in the spirit of Budo

Mike

Mike I suppose it all boils down to the devil you know is better than the one you don`t. It is really amazing that we are prepared to accept set backs, frustration unhappiness to avoid just that. Our fear of what the future holds for us is so great, it has us so much in its grip that we freely sacrifice our freedom. The devastating "What if... ?" question. And like you rightly said Mike that is what Jediism is all about, it is about liberation from our selves. Jediism is only worth its money so to say if it liberates the spirit.

Just think about it. How often have you caught yourselves admitting that you should stay where you are, just in case. You do not have a clue as to lies in the next moment nor what the consequences of your actions may be. You go over and over again as to what you do have like a mantra until you have really convinced yourselves that what you have is not really not that bad.

But why do we spend so much energy convincing and eventually believing the worst? That really can only answer your next best person, namely yourself. But do not forget that famous Jedi saying that you become your focus.

Also true is there are no wrong decisions there are just new opportunities, just as there is no bad weather only the wrong clothing.

It's really kind of a funny thing with the fear of the unknown… I often wonder where this comes from. More often than not, people (and I don't exclude myself here) don't take a chance because the worst outcome they can think of might actually be worse than the status quo. Regardless of the best possible outcome they can think of, they still wouldn't want to risk it.

Up to now, I came up with really one "problem" of many people, that one of my therapists made me aware of during my time in the hospital:
Today, most people make bliss and happiness depend on something. Meaning, "I am happy because…" and whatever reason there might be, a job, a relationship or what have you. Thinking of happiness that way also means that, given that you lose this reason for happiness takes away your happiness, too. And this is, basically, a bad thing. It invokes the fear of losing something. The way it should be is, that by putting yourself to peace with yourself and life itselt, you should find happiness within you and yourself, independent from certain situations or conditions. Also, I believe, this is what Campbell talks about when talking about following your bliss. True happiness is NOT something that is dependent from "something out there", it is a mental state that is within everyone's own self and all you have to do to be happy is to look for that WITHIN YOURSELF.
And if you found that, there is no reason to be afraid of change, because your bliss, your happiness is not dependent from the outcome of a certain change and you don't need to worry whether a decision you make might turn out worse than you hoped for.

But I believe that most people have unlearned that concept of true happiness, because we live in a society today that measures happiness and "worth" of someone by achievement and accomplishment - although discussing THAT would lead to far off from the topic at hand

Anyways, that's just my two cents to that question

May the force be with you,
simon

And that is just it Narkissos, we do look for happiness in society or the environment because it is much easier than looking into yourself. Looking into yourself is like finding yourself in a big nothing, being towered over by an invincible mountain. We instinctively ask ourselves whether we are up for the challenge. When we are unsure things seem a lot bigger and harder than they really are. The task becomes an overwhelming one and we are confused as to where to really start. So we start our preset, defined, state recognised professions, we fall into a routine, tick one job off after another, fulfill our working hrs knowing what we have done and what will be expected of us next week. Who can fault anyone doing what they are paid for, are expected of them?

There is absolutely nothing wrong in doing your duties but if we want to achieve great things or even just achieve inner peace, we do at one point or another have to step out of our comfort zone and try something totally new. It does not mean we will find the answer to happiness in success either, quite the contrary you will find it in just having tried. You will know then what you can or cannot do, what you like or do not like. Your sense of direction will develop the more change you are prepared to embrace.

Having just heared the last segment of Campbell's episodes, I'd like to quote what he quotes there, a saying by Karlfried Graf Dürckheim, who said
»When you're on a journey and the end keeps getting further and further away, then you realize that the real end is the journey.«
And I guess this really is what we have to realize, in order to be able to embrace change - or at least not to fear it. The quality of your life can't be measured by where you end up or what you achieve - it's by living life that you give your life a purpose.

And of course you can't blame anyone who doesn't see it that way, because one isn't encouraged to do so nowadays. Our society and education, our jobs and the economy around us always pressures us to function in certain ways - success is measured by the price that it comes with. The harder you have to work to achieve something, the more respect you get and the more money. And of course it is easier to follow those outside factors for happiness, for they are much louder, faster and more threatening than the happiness that lies within yourself.

And I guess this is what is one aspect of the Jediist credo "Unlearn what you have learned." - We have learned that we have to do what we have to do … but the way I see it, that just isn't true. Of course, if you want to live within the society and want to participate in it, you have to some degree accept the rules and responsibilities that come with it - but losing yourself in it just wears you out.

Spoken like a Master Narkissos. Thank you for sharing that with us, and showing that the Inniates Programme has its relavance to real life issues.

Yes we do but all too often loose sight of our goals in life, maybe because they are figments of our imagination, whispers of unreal desires which our heart real doesn`t want. What is left but the hard road we have to tread. These are lonely times, roads we have to walk alone, and we feel like we are the only persons in the world going through this decision. We feel left out in the rain out of that reassurance that we are doing the right thing. How often do we ask everyone for their opinions in a desprate attempt and hope that we do not have to take responsibility for making decisions. Are we doing the right thing? We become fence sitters contemplating that all too vital leap of faith reflecting on returning to that all to familiar run of the mill life! Think for one moment about the people around us, how we drive them all up the wall, asking the same thing again and again, running up and down as if we had ants in our pants, exploding at the slightest irritation. Once a decision is made however a huge stone falls off our backs, our musels relax, we talk less, we become free. But change is an agonising pain, almost a ritual, stopping us in our tracks we need to go through before we can move on.

One of the traps we set ourselves when making or even just contemplating a decision of change is that there is only ever one way out of the situation. We either have internalised popular opinion to such an extent that it becomes our own, or we are afraid of something so strongly that it literally attracts us to it, or we are so short sighted that in our lack of consideration only the opposite of what we have seems possible, or we bend to the threats of another who does not want us to move on. One good example is when someone is changing job: all too often I have heard that if you change jobs the risk of unemploment followed by poverty is just too great ("You`ll end up on the street son!"); we are often told by employers as to whether we seriously think it will be better in another job... . Believe all of that and you will be a slave to fear and uncertainty. We become so caught up in fear and uncertainty that there can be no way without risking your sanity. But there is always a choice, and always more than one.

Very true, it is scary...

I took my current postition, after 5 years at my last job, and took a 10k cut in salary, that was more than 1/4 of my annual pay, the rebuilding sucks, but the pros, far outweighed the cons...

My old supervisor said, "I thought the money would keep you here..."

Wrong! I am at the age where I do things for myself, and betterment of the family, my not being a jerk to my family, caused by my dislike of the job then, was only one of the benefits...

Money is tight, however, family is closer... It was, and still is a good decision.. (now to hit lottery and be able to stay home all the time... hmmm)

Thank you, Master Jon.

For what it's worth, I believe that the teachings of Joseph Campbell are extremly relevant for everyday life. I am really amazed how much of it really got to me. I haven't come any further than those up to now, but I expect nothing less of the rest of the initiate's programme


I believe that everything you are describing really goes back to our oligarchical society - a society where power is held by a small group of people. Even in our (and I think that this is true for american and european society the like) democratic, western world, the real power is held by a very small group of people that really shape the world of money and economy.
Their whole life people are taught not to take responsibility, to obey the rules - the rules of your parents, the rules of society, the rules of economy. You have to work hard, because only by working hard you make money and only by making money you can achieve a full and worthy life, only by working hard you are a worthy participant of our society. And for most people, that never changes - at least in Austria, my experience is that you're really only taught to take responsibility and to question the system that we life in in only a very small amount of elite schools and universities. And even there only to a quite small extent. And I consider Austria to be a nation, where this kind of education is very good in comparison to the rest of Europe, where I believe a teenager has even less chance of learning values like that.
It's a lack of values that was popular during the time of Enlightenment - educating yourself not only as an instrument of economy (how to this and how to do that), but also in a humanistic, spiritual way. Because it is only by spiritual and humanistic education that we learn to live a self-responsible life and not to be afraid of decisions and responsibility. But sadly, we life in a world where courage to take responsibility is still not encouraged, because self-responsible, educated human beings are harder to rule.
There is quite a funny three-part video on youtube (sadly, it's in German) about how you can enslave a whole population, and the easiest way is not by religion and not by force, but by giving them a monetary system - a system where money is not just an abstract reference for value, but money itself is regarded as being valueable.

And thus, changing jobs is like the best example for the fear of change, because there is quite a big money issue involved… but it is, of course, not just about money - money is simply one of the most pressing issues of today - it is that "the system" - any system that depends on different levels of power, really - always discourages change, because change could result in a shift of power. Thus, we are always taught to think about the consequences, think about the consequences, accept the status quo. And it won't be for a very long time that this will change - while I do believe that change is happening, even if it's just on the smallest level - but still we can do our part in changing this, by simply changing ourselves and showing ourselves and the people around us that you can in fact live a happy life while you're not afraid of change.


So far for my opinion about where this fear of change comes from