Why are we so afraid of conflict?

A lot of what I am seeing here reminds me of my lessons with Master Mark. We looked at the book “The Celestine Prophecy” and the insights from that book. Let me show some of what I wrote in my journal about conflicts. In the Fourth Insight we have the struggle for power.

“Too often humans cut themselves off from the greater source of this energy and so feel weak and insecure. To gain energy we tend to manipulate or force others to give us attention and thus energy. When we successfully dominate others in this way, we feel more powerful, but they are left weakened and often fight back. Competition for scarce, human energy is the cause of all conflict between people”

Humans have disconnected themselves from the energy and do not understand how to open themselves up to replenish their own energy. To regain our energy we manipulate and force others to give us attention and energy.

We unconsciously compete with one another to gain energy from them. When we control another human, we absorb their energy, leading to a sense of gratification and motivation to continue the practice. We become addicted to the feeling and get more demanding and out of control in our efforts to absorb more energy from our interactions with others.

The 6th insight shows us how we use “Control Dramas”, which are ways we have learned to manipulate others and get energy flowing in our direction. These dramas become part of our subconscious as patterns to be repeated over and over again because they work to get control of a situation, dominate it and pull power from others into ourselves.

Childhood traumas block our ability to fully experience the mystical. All humans tend toward one of four \"control dramas.\" These are: Intimidators, Interrogators, Aloof people and Poor-Me's.

We all fit into one of these categories. One “control drama” is usually your dominant drama of choice, but you will use whichever you need at the moment to feel more secure, tending to repeat the drama that works best for you.

Once you learn to recognize the “control drama” you utilize, you can sidestep it to avoid conflict and the associated draining of energy from others.

If you allow yourself to engage in another person’s drama your energy will be stolen from you. We all tend to do it subconsciously when we feel the need for energy. If you bring this to your conscious you can prevent the conversion of energy from manipulations. This will usually result in people becoming more real and honest.

Part of learning this is becoming aware of how we use our personal drama to manipulate energy from others. It is hard to stop the drama we use to manipulate people. We have been doing it for so long.

These “control dramas” are instilled in us from our childhood as reactions to the “control dramas” from our parents by their parents, an endless cycle. We must reflect on why we act the way do. Meditate on our past experience from a more evolved and spiritual point of view and discover who we really are. Once we accomplish this, the control drama dissolves away and our true path is revealed to us.

Maintaining our path is the key. Ensure that your energy level is high, to help prevent you from draining the energy of others around you. This helps to prevent you from manifesting “control drama”. Remember that everything is connected, distance is an illusion. We can all reach out and touch one another and connect with each other.

Meditation is a key to maintaining your energy levels. Breathing techniques help to pull in energy, calms your emotions and allows you to feel at peace, to feel love. Love is the true measure of our connection to the universe, to the force.

So, when we have a conflict, take the time to slow it down. Clear your emotions and thoughts. Ask yourself this simple question: What is your intent? Remember that when we write we often lose the human element of communication. Our body language and inflection on our written word is lost. This can lead to miscommunication and misunderstanding. Once you have written a response, reread it to yourself and ensure what you write is what you intend. People will infer things that you may not intend.

In a conflict both sides may wind up wounded, usually one side more than the other. Whenever a person feels that you must be wrong in order for me to be right, we tend to attack the other person's point of view and their overall character as well. We tend to move away from attacking the issues and more involved in attacking each other.

Arguing between right and wrong quickly becomes an excuse to prove oneself superior to the other. When I think of you and your opinions as being somehow inferior to me and my opinions, it is no wonder that you are not willing to agree with the opinions I put forth. In order to agree with my opinions, you would have to be willing to believe that you are somehow inferior to me.

Such as: “If I agreed with you then we both would be wrong.”
When we attempt conflict resolution with others, if we stay locked in a “your opinion or my opinion mindset”, we tend to shut down our ability to notice additional alternative realities. When we are locked in a confrontational mode of exchange, we lose the possibility of acquiring information that might offer solutions that either side has yet to think of. We lose the possibility of understanding that in some important way, our limited range of thinking tends to make both of us somehow \"wrong.\" Or we fail to realize that \"We are both, wrong and right, at the same time.\" We lose touch with the fact that given new sources of information, both of us might come to a different opinion.

Often, the first step in successful conflict resolution requires that you acknowledge that your philosophy of fear and confrontation limits your ability to notice how a different way of thinking would lead to a much wider field of possibilities.

For most of us, the more we feel attacked, the more we will look to defend ourselves. The more we look to defend ourselves, the more we narrow our field of vision and the other person in the conflict is doing the same thing. We get swept away by the fear and confrontation that is being generated by everyone involved in the conflict.

In Aikido this leads us to say that \"The best defense is no defense,\" which is another way of saying \"The less defensive you are, the better able you are to defend yourself.\"

I wished I'd used this tactic the morning during a conflict between my daughter and her now ex partner. I could have looked very wish and in control, instead of a savaged emotionate old battle axe.

Hindsight is 20/20...

Recognizing the probable outcome is never 100% reliable....

But, by recognizing your actions in a situation, and trying to 'second guess' yourself..... You are allowing you, to train yourself to catch yourself a little quicker the next time..... (too many 'you and yourselfs? lol...)

And the next time.....

And the next.....

This was/is how I am trying to catch my own temper..... Just like any endeavor you undertake...

You first must build a reliable, solid foundation.....

Then build upon it...

Sometimes, you have some setbacks... If you find the end result important enough, you will rebuild.....

Exactly Br.Jestor! You`ve hit the nail on the head. We experience this every moment of the day in one form or another. If we let ithem of course. Each moment our old selves are confronted with a challenge, we meet that challenge by treading new waters and become something different. Doesn`t that make you think then what PEACE is really about? Is it really the STATUS QUO which many Jedi so fondly consider it as? Or is it really something different?

I think a big problem with conflict is that we always worry that whoever we're up against is going to win...that we'll be made to look foolish, or that we'll be hurt in one form or another. Especially when one has negative experiences with conflict, that may cause even more fear of it.

I always try to remember that peace, and my desire for fairness will always help me to come up on top. And having convictions certainly takes the edge off as well (although we should never live by convictions). I think the fear of conflict ties in directly with a fear of loss, more or less, and that's the kind of thinking I try to resist.

Greetings each

Interesting post. In some ways I think it relates to a previous post concerning truth.Conflict and truth can be on and the same in some situations especially within ones self. I put a post up a few days ago MORE OR LESS ,which is group of passages which help me as an individual to face up to situations.

The fear of conflict in some people is fear of rejection, if it is do with friends.I used to feel this way some time ago.'Why would anyone listen to what I think?' 'My opinion is most likely worthless' ETC.

We all have a right to be heard.If challenges are discussed in a polite manor then issues can be resolved and respect and knowledge are gained as well as trust.

Unfortunately I believe that within some human beings they seek conflict in order to do damage. A bully in other words.Not so easy to address.one has to stand ones ground in these situations. fear can overcome some people so the bully wins.Fear can also be a powerful tool, if used correctly it becomes courage. Courage in my opinion will win through. Though I hasten t add it is not bout winning or loosing it is about putting things right.Even if one can not settle differences,there should be mutual respect for ones views.

The force Guide you all

Yours in the spirit of Budo

Mike