When to offer Help, to Whom?

http://www.lermanet.com/tomgorman/jeffreyquiros.htm

With all the flood of information (from Internet, Media...) one of the most difficult disciplines of the modern day society is LISTENING. We do listen but are very often predispositioned. We already have an answer before our opposite is finished. Have you ever explained a problem to someone and received an answer that showed that he or she didn't understand the problem at all?

Listening does not mean knowing the story line and coming up with an idea or solution, listening with understanding means putting yourself in the other`s shoes without loosing your emotional balance. Only this way can you get to the root of concern and provide a productive feedback. To listen for the acumalation of info and the formation of some kind of opinion means missing the point. Your not even trying to see the other point, very often because you are incapable or just don`t want to. It is how things are said, how often and the manner in which things are done which provide the essence of what is really being said.

In religious, political, sectarian, business, technical and personal problems, anything which provides for provocation is emotion-laden by nature. These issues have to include the above approach.

1. Make others feel good in their shoes

\"I try to imagine the kind of doctor I'd like if I were you, and try to be that doctor.\"

- Mayo

All too often however do we start fidgeting, making pointed monosyllable noises, moving closer to the door, pursing our lips, looking at our watches, or stabbing anxious looks at problem tellers. The problem teller becomes a burden, whose time has been rationed and list of points been shortened. Key details have inadvertently to fall short either because of the hectic of disjointed actions, embarassment or just out of simple annoyance. What better way of really wasting our time is there? Without the key details the rest will make no sense at all. The embarassment culminates in an all too familiar end statement \"Listen I`m sorry to load you with my problems like this, we can talk about this later!\"

Setting signals shows the talker where s/he is at and prepares the listener. Take the phone off the hook, close the door, pull up a chair, sit down, say \"Take as much time as you need!\", affirm statements made... . Appart from the messages of interest, opennes and receptiveness transmitted, the logical flow of such actions introduces an unmistakable calm into the situation. Each of these time consuming action will be well invested with the reward of obtaining details that go beyond the main problem and help you find solutions.

2. Don`t talk as much as you listen.

\"You ain't learning' nothing when you're talking.\"

- Lyndon Johnson

Some say its not for nothing that we have 2 ears and only one tongue. While we`re talking we can't learn about another.To get to the heart of the matter, ask a question, and then sit back and listen. It is also a rare and generous gift – to listen to someone – in this media bombarded society.

Listening is the absorption of the meanings of words and sentences by the brain. Listening leads to the understanding of facts and ideas. But listening takes attention, or sticking to the task at hand in spite of distractions. It requires concentration, which is the focusing of your thoughts upon one particular problem. A person who incorporates listening with concentration is actively listening. Active listening is a method of responding to another that encourages communication.

-Poor Listening Habits
--(-)Poor Listeners...
--(+)Good Listeners...

- Criticizing a speaker
--(-)criticize the speaker's voice, clothes, or looks. Therefore, they decide that the speaker won`t say anything important.
--(+)realize that a lecture is not a popularity contest. Good listeners look for the ideas being presented, not for things to criticize.

-Finding fault with the speaker
--(-)become so involved in disagreeing with something the speaker states that they stop listening to the remainder of the lecture
--(+)listen with the mind, not the emotions. Good listeners jot down something they disagree with to ask the speaker later, then go on listening.

-Allowing yourself to be distracted
--(-)use little distractions -- someone coughing, a pencil dropping, the door opening and closing -- as an excuse to stop listening.
--(+)filter out distractions and concentrate on what the speaker is saying.

- Faking attention
--(-)look at the speaker but don't listen. They expect to get the material from the textbook later.
--(+)understand that speakers talk about what they think is most important. Good listeners know that a good lecture may not contain the same information as the textbook.

- Forcing every lecture into one format
--(-)outline the lecture in detail. The listener is so concerned with organization that he misses the content.
--(+)adjust their _style_ of note-taking to the speaker's topic and method of organization.

- Listening only for facts
--(-)only want the facts. They consider everything else to be only the speaker's opinion.
--(+)want to see how the facts and examples support the speaker's ideas and arguments. Good listeners know that facts are important, because they support ideas.

- Listening to only the easy material
--(-)think it is too difficult to follow the speaker's complicated ideas and logic.A poor listener wants entertainment, not education.
--(+)want to learn something new and try to understand the speaker's point. A good listener is not afraid of difficult, technical, or complicated ideas.

- Calling a subject boring
--(-)decide a lecture is going to be dull and \"turn out\" the speaker.
--(+)listen closely for information that can be important and useful, even when a lecture is dull.

- Overreacting to \"push button\" emotional words
--(-)get upset at words which trigger certain emotions -- words such as communist, income tax, Hitler or abortion. Emotion begins and listening ends.
--(+)hear these same words. When they do, they listen very carefully. A good listener tries to understand the speaker's point of view.

- Wasting thought speed
--(-)move along lazily with the speaker even though thinking is faster than speaking. A poor listener daydreams and falls behind.
--(+)use any extra time or pauses in the lecture to reflect on the speaker's message. They think about what the speaker is saying, summarize the main points, and think about the next points.


\"My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.\"

— Anonymous

Great list, Jon. All quality presented, to me. Thank you.

Also, we found the sekrit Sci Wiki. Known thy enemy.

http://scndirectory.a.wiki-site.com/index.php/Main_Page

This is, as you will see, intended for a resource for members to basically get FAQs about major aspects of the cult.