Tips for dealing with anger

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04 Sep 2018 13:34 #325872 by elizabeth
I am currently doing an anger management course via my doctor and wondered if anyone here has ways of dealing with, mild, moderate or extreem anger.
Any ways that you have personally found more helpful than the standard, breathe, count to ten, walk away. Which are all great ways, but is there something particular to your journey that speaks to you more than others?
Like, repeating the Jedi code
Or something like using worry beads? (And yes aware they are made for a different purposes but I have found these helpful for physical grounding at times.)

Any and all ideas are welcome
No matter how daft they may seem, if they work, then please reply
Thank you

The mind can calculate, but the spirit yearns, and the heart knows what the heart knows.
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04 Sep 2018 17:45 #325873 by thomaswfaulkner
My psychosocial rehab incorporates this Anger Management Workbook and I've found that it pretty much mirrors some of the most effective strategies that my client's and I've found to mitigate anger. In terms of methods, I'm a huge advocate of the "Name it to Tame it" tool for pretty much each of the major negative emotions that we encounter. For instance, if I found myself feeling angry or sad, I would bring my awareness towards those specific feelings and make an effort to see if there was anything immediate which was causing my body to feel that way. When we feel ourselves starting to feel angry, it can help to acknowledge how we feel, out loud. "I'm feeling a bit angry right now." and take steps to mitigate that anger before it becomes aggression. Anger isn't something that we should avoid. It helps us center ourselves in knowing that something either inside of us, or around us, does not meet our current expectation as to how we want it to be. Not all the times, but sometimes, it sparks from the idea that we've lost control over a certain aspect and from that unpleasantness.

But once the emotion is acknowledged, you can take steps towards recognizing whether or not you have direct control over changing it. If you have the power to change something, it can help to take strides towards deescalating your emotions through breathing and guided imagery before making an effort to remedy the issue. But if you find that it is something outside of your control, find a way to come to peace with not being able to find that resolve. You can write down these thoughts and reflect on why they specifically trigger anger to rise in you and make an effort to interpret them at a time when you are not as tense.

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04 Sep 2018 19:38 #325875 by Karn
Replied by Karn on topic Tips for dealing with anger
If it is not the anger where you snap, breathing, counting to ten, and walking away may work.

The anger that makes you snap and instantly react is a tough one to manage. After a blow up, try to reflect on what made you snap react. Identifying what triggers this sort of reaction can help you sense it before the snap reaction occurs.

Also, if it is a certain situation or a person who is deliberately pressing your buttons, you can identify and change the course of the situation before you reach the blow up. Avoiding situations or people who instigate anger may be another option, but not necessarily the best or easiest or viable option.

Managing anger is not always easy to do, but knowing what triggers you will help you to cope with it and help to keep your blow ups down to a minimum.

Knight of Jediism
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04 Sep 2018 23:31 #325877 by Adder
Replied by Adder on topic Tips for dealing with anger
Anger to me seems like a bolt of lightning, one becomes it, charged and ready to reach out and burn down anything it touches.... the subconscious has been recruited and its manifested as a type of power . and so having a specific model of power might work as an alternate to avoiding it, or diffusing it, or ignoring it. So I imagine it in the Force as a pattern of flow, then I exert a stereotype onto the target, and then orientate my self in regards to that stereotype.

For the first step I tend to image a whirlpool under/around/in both causative agent and myself, which serves to embody a connection to the feelings such that their power is manifested in a realm I can work with better.

The next step probably depends on the circumstance and how you want to react in a way that can incorporate follow up action for it is the most accessible path to responsible reaction, is it more appropriate to imagine the cause as a noisy inept bumbling clown, or a wounded animal lashing out, etc. The other benefit is that the image of a whirlpool as a 'ground' for a caricature is that it resembles a bullseye target, which makes it easy to imagine all sorts of 'direct action' :D

Now of course the risk of this way is when your angry at yourself - double whirlpool co-located!! But instead of putting the two whirlpools together to make them stronger, I hold them apart and imagine the useful positive things being pulled into the future whirlpool as ready to manifest, and the disadvantageous and negative things being pulled into the past as no longer existing. Where they are subsequently forgotten because its just an exercise is distributing energy with mindfulness. If wanting to harness the power of the feelings as emotion then I do merge the whirlpools and sit in that space. So all in all its a type of Force visualization exercise.

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05 Sep 2018 11:11 #325883 by Wescli Wardest

The first thing you have to realize is that being angry is a choice.

You chose to let whatever it is have that much power over you and you chose to react with anger.

Anger is the Devil’s cocaine.:evil:

Like holding a hot potato, you do not have to hold on to it and let it burn you.

You can choose to let it go.

Make your choice, and have the conviction to stand by your decision.

:)
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06 Sep 2018 22:33 #325949 by elizabeth
Holding on to anger is a choice,
Reacting with anger is a choice.

But feeling angry, its just an emotion like sadness, happiness. You dont always choose how you feel.
You choose what to do with it right?
Or wether to hold on express that feeling.

Being angry, feeling it.. I dont think thats always a choice.
Anything after that is my choice.
You dont make yourself feel things, you probably could but in the natural way of life, feelings arise and disappear.

The mind can calculate, but the spirit yearns, and the heart knows what the heart knows.

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06 Sep 2018 23:54 #325956 by Figment
Replied by Figment on topic Tips for dealing with anger
Anger is a tough one.

I have the slow burn anger. It take a long time for me to get angry and then a long, long time for me to stop being angry once I get there.

I have found that exercise is about the only thing that really helps me release it. It can be anything from lifting weights to martial arts to putting on some music and dancing around.

If I can remove myself from the situation and go take a long walk outside, that also helps.

At other times, talking helps. It doesn't have to be to a person. Just go outside and put into word what you are actually angry about finding the root of it. You might be surprised that the reason you think you anger is arising is in fact just another symptom of something deeper. The neighbors might think you are little weird talking to yourself, but hey, we are all weird anyways. :)
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07 Sep 2018 04:03 - 07 Sep 2018 04:06 #325968 by Cyan Sarden
Hey Elizabeth,

I think you've already answered your own question: becoming angry might not always be a choice, especially if it's a hard to control action to a sudden trigger. However, staying angry is very much a choice. It might be one that has already transitioned into becoming a routine operation for your mind. And that's where it's usually worth to start chiseling away. You'll need to figure out a way for yourself that helps you to rip anger out of your collection of routines. The first thing is always to recognise anger when it arises / after it has arisen. As quickly as possible. My personal method of choice for this is meditation and contemplation.

Even general mindfulness meditation will have a positive effect on this - as it's a training for recognising thoughts that arise and effortlessly dismissing them.

Conditioning yourself (through mantras, positive enforcement etc.) into thinking that letting go of anger is something positive, something that you can reward yourself for, is another method. Every time you make a conscious effort to dismiss your anger, it will start dissipating on its own. Reward yourself every time that you manage to do this - eat a piece of chocolate, do something you otherwise would feel guilty about. Over time, dismissing anger will become your routine instead of staying angry. The brain wants to do more of those things that lead to a reward and less of those that do nothing.

Another thing to consider is whether you can distance yourself from places, people and situations that often trigger anger in you. Easier said thatndone, but sometimes a toxic environment will perpetuate anger.

in any case: good luck, this one is a tough nut to crack.


Cyan

Do not look for happiness outside yourself. The awakened seek happiness inside.
Last edit: 07 Sep 2018 04:06 by Cyan Sarden.
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18 Sep 2018 02:03 #326407 by Stormcaller
If I may?
I've had pretty good success with handling my emotions, and moving forward with a mind for resolutions, by applying "pragmatism". If possible, I stop, and I try to distance myself from my emotions for a moment, step back from them, and ask myself clear and honest questions: What am I feeling? What has brought this on? Why does it trigger this response in me? Whenever relevant, Do I honestly believe this was the intent?

It helps me more often than not, in the moment. Meditating on it later is always good, too.

It's my belief and hope that with more dedicated application of this, I can put forth a very Jedi-like exterior, and manage my emotions as they come.

I hope this helps!

Kelrax "Stormcaller" Lorcken
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18 Sep 2018 03:58 - 18 Sep 2018 04:02 #326428 by Janina
Replied by Janina on topic Tips for dealing with anger

Wescli Wardest wrote:
The first thing you have to realize is that being angry is a choice.



I don´t think that being angry itself is a choice. Anger is emotion and all emotions are actually natural to human beings.

In that sense it´s not choice to get the feelings of anger.

However, that what you do with your anger is a choice. You can attach your anger and so move your emotions to the dark side,

or you can use it to fruitful things like creating unconditional love and compassion.

Problem is not the emotion itself, but your reaction to that emotion.

The greatest teacher, failure is!
Last edit: 18 Sep 2018 04:02 by Janina.
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