Hospice/Death & Grief Doula training

I wasn't really sure where to start this thread, so I figured here would be the best place. Is anyone out there doing hospice or dying/grief work? It's something that I started training for years ago in a social work program, and I'm getting back into it (mostly to be able to help my family and friends in the years to come, but now exploring it as a possible vocation and future outreach.) I've been looking into some different therapeutic approaches (using music, meditations, etc.) and this seems like an area where Jediism would have some unique things to contribute.

Manami wrote: I wasn't really sure where to start this thread, so I figured here would be the best place. Is anyone out there doing hospice or dying/grief work? It's something that I started training for years ago in a social work program, and I'm getting back into it (mostly to be able to help my family and friends in the years to come, but now exploring it as a possible vocation and future outreach.) I've been looking into some different therapeutic approaches (using music, meditations, etc.) and this seems like an area where Jediism would have some unique things to contribute.

As a paramedic, I can't say that I've....participated in the work, mostly it's the last minute grief of despite the DNR "save them I can't take it anymore" overrule by the family I've dealt with before, but I would be very curious on what you put together or have to say on the subject or what Idea's you come up with or relations within jediism to hospice etc. One thing there is a very big lack of around Jediism is topics like Jedi funerals etc, there are some out there, there are some idea's but because it's so young its not like its a very heavily discussed topic(not to many of those who follow the Jedi path have passed on since its creation), so when you get down to idea's and things like hospice its very new ground your covering. Do lots of documenting as you study this/figure things out etc, or even when anyone has suggestions you may be the very first person exploring this area.

I am a RN, so I'm bound by the wishes expressed by my patients. Weather or not they have a DNR (do not resussitatate 0rder) which is very rare and well known, or not. We are bound by law to respect it. I, myself ascribe to a faith that believes in re-incarnation, so I accept that when this Life is over, the next one begins, so I have made known my preference to just let me go onto the next incarnation. Sadly it is the remote family member who has Not seen first hand the suffering of a family member who chimes in at the last possible moment crying: "Save Them!" and throws a big monkey wrench into the works. There is a whole big debate as to weather or not respecting a choice to move on to the next existence Is moral or not. Christianity speaks of second chances, right up to the moment of death. Jesus was hanging on the cross, and two thieves hung with him. One mocked him, while the other revered him, Jesus redeemed the first one on the spot, but could not save the other. He had already made his choice and would stick to it, no matter what the consequences. So what are we Humans to do about respecting each others whishes? If it is clearly stated in a legal document, our way is clear. Otherwise the guiding principal of: Do no harm tells us to do All we Humanly can to preserve Life above All Else. The Ethical choices can still be made later. At least we have given them a second chance to make that choice.

Thank you both for your responses and the work you do. I’ve been on the family end of those scenarios, with family members who weren’t ready to accept a loss no matter what the individual would have wanted – it’s a rough call, and a very emotional time when even people who believe that the individual would be going to “a better place” have trouble with letting go. I can’t imagine how much more difficult that must make your work.

My thoughts so far are that there are several aspects of the process where clergy or trained guides could be helpful, or where this could be beneficial for the community in general. Tellahane, you have a good point about things still being in a young stage – though some of us are starting to get into the phase where we have to start thinking about it, or caring for family members at the end of life. And so many of us have had experiences with death among our peers way too young. With traditional religious participation decreasing, especially for Gen X and younger, I think there’s a real need for people who can serve in the “spiritual but not religious” gap, especially in crises.

I had some Death & Dying courses (fun name for a class, huh?) with my undergraduate social work training, so I’m pulling in that to sketch out a general outline to get ideas rolling:

1 – How we can contribute to the cultural understanding of death – specifically, can we help reduce the fear or discomfort people have in preparing for it? I’ve been following the Death Cafe movement, which is a effort to get people together to talk about end of life issues, and frequently works with the Funeral Consumer Alliance to make sure people know what their burial rights and options are in order to prevent families from being pushed into packages that they can’t afford. It’s not nearly as morbid as it may sound – it’s been a good way to help people get their emotions about it up to the surface and to confront the issues that modern culture tries to avoid. While not all of us may have the same exact views on what happens after death (or even hazard a guess ), I think our understanding of the Force gives us a good place to start. Also – as someone currently working with a child facing a terminal disease – sometimes the stories they’ve seen in movies are more vivid and easy to relate to than other ways of conceptualizing what happens, and are good entries to discussions to lesson fear and anxiety.

2 – Advocacy for dignity in dying/burial and emotional needs of the grieving. This follows the FCA’s concerns, especially with families who are in financial hardship and in the shock and grief may have no idea what they are getting into with the funeral expenses. In the social work program, we were trained to be negotiators for the family, to help them with through the decisions and dealing with things like insurance, lawyers, police, etc. Sadly, the lower in income a family is, the more likely they will be targeted by predatory businesses or scams, or have to deal with systemic bias somewhere in the process. Even just having someone who knows who to call and what decisions need to be made can really help families in situations of unexpected death. If nothing else, it would be good for clergy to know the laws and procedures for their state. Also, Green Burial is a growing movement for people who want to be able to physically connect with Nature in death, and often the industry has made it hard or more expensive to do the most natural thing. There’s often a lot of legal stuff and skill preparation that needs to be done to make it a viable option for the future.

3- Developing Jedi funerary practices and memorial spaces. For me personally, the crossing over moment is the big finale for all my training, and if it happens in non-emergency conditions, I’d really like to have folks there to celebrate with me...or help with the things I can no longer do, if necessary. In many states, it’s actually quite simple to start a community cemetery or memorial space.

4- Using our arts (energetics, meditation, music, etc) to aid in bringing peace and comfort to the end of life process. For those of us that believe in the continuation of consciousness after death, this could also include assisting those who are crossing over or who have crossed over under traumatic conditions, as some traditions do.

5 - Griefwork and after-care for families. This might include helping people with less understood religious practices (or less understanding employers) get the time and space they need to take care of their loved ones. People may not be in the frame of mind to explain why they need what they need, and this is another area where having trained intercessors could be beneficial – and another place where the Jedi emphasis on diplomacy could be used.

6- Suicide prevention/grieving, and healing after traumatic loss (on both individual and community levels). Complicated grief has very specific challenges, and suicide (speaking from experience) is one of the hardest grieving processes for survivors. (Note, suicide in this case doesn’t mean people facing terminal illness who wish to chose death with dignity – that kind of work would be in some of the earlier categories).

I think there’s a real need for people who can serve in the “spiritual but not religious” gap, especially in crises.

Death is an unescapable fate. When the old face death, they are prepared. You lived your life and know the time is coming to and end. Many religions offer you peace of mind by telling you there is a life after death. Non-religious people don't have that. They get told that we come from nothing and go to nothing. It's a bland outlook. Who wants to just disappear?

Jedi have faith in the Force. It's the driving power behind all things, like God is for other religions. Since the Force is the binding element of all things, it's what made you in the first place. It's the very difference of what non-religious people believe in. We came from everything and go back to everything.

Grief work becomes a true task when people who only had little time face death. It's not the loss of life they are angry and sad about. Life is too much of a vague concept. What they dread is the loss of opportunity. Chances not taken. Time not spend wisely. We don't want to accept that our time is mainly wasted. If you have 80 years, you don't mind the days not used properly. If you are to die aged 40, the weight of every wasted minuted is put on your shoulders. It takes away your breath. That's the issue.

Comforting people who are close to death is hard. In the end, their spirituality isn't an issue. Give them your time. Leaving those alone who will soon be the loneliest is a cruel thing. Loneliness is bad when alive, it's devastating for those dying. When all you have before the great change that is death is yourself, you will start to doubt. Doubt your faith. Doubt yourself. If you have someone to talk to, you can ask them what comes next. They can strenghten your faith. That's the duty of a clergy and the duty of a Jedi.

Thank you for listening.