Your Stories of Conflict Resolution

Hello Everyone,

I'm currently embroiled in the construction of conflict resolution training for the resolution of workplace disputes and general conflict between employees. I have a decent background, and good research skills to pull this off, but I'm lacking one thing: a diverse human element. I need to see conflict and the resolution of conflict through many eyes, not just my own. If I want a comprehensive system that will work for all my employees, understanding multiple perspectives on conflict both active and resolved in the real world will go a long way toward helping me construct that.

In the spirit and pursuit of this work, I humbly invite all and any of you to share your experiences with conflict both in the workplace and your personal lives. I invite you to show me the strategies and tactics you have found both effective and ineffective in the resolution of conflict. I thank all of you in advance for your contributions to my brain storm, and hope to learn well from your experiences.

Joreguar

In my last job I had this guy, lets call him Jake (not his real name ), whom I could not, for the life of me, get along with.

For three months, I shunned him because he wasn't worth my time, my efforts, or the stress it caused me. I ignored anything he said, and only answered yes no questions with a simple yes or no.

But as our group shrank, people fired or left because the job sucked, it eventually left just him, myself, and one other worker. I couldn't ignore him and have our job function as well with 3 people as it did with 10. (that was a whole other issue, but whatever, we made it work because we were badasses)

It came down to me letting go of my ego for a few hours and just talking to him, NOW. No past grudges, no agenda, nothing. Just him and I, in that moment. I had to recognise that, well, I was a bit of a cuss and needed to lay off the perfectionism. He did do his job, but I was always trying to hold him to my standard of work... which tbh, it's way to high in many instances. I hold myself to the highest standard. I do my best in all things and don't stop until I can honestly say, "Yup, that's my best work."

Not all people think like that, so I needed to accept that, recognise that he did do good work, and move on. We did find a common ground of something to talk about (I had just started my apprenticeship at that point, and he had just started a spirituality blog, so he did ask me to look over posts and discuss things with him so he could learn). We ended up parting ways on good terms.

So, internally and externally, my conflict resolution is NOW. Let go, just for a moment, of the past and the perceived wrongs that come with it. Don't hold onto the future and what wrongs you think this person will continue to do to you (because they haven't happened yet, and you can change that in that moment)... and just look at them honestly and objectively. Recognise their life if as complex and full of problems as yours and they're not doing much better than you. Approach them as a person, not a problem, NOW.

I’d be happy to help…let’s see.

So I found myself working corrections for the better part of a year or so, there was just something about some of our officers that just….well….it just ticked some of the offenders off. I was working as a supervising utility officer in Administrative Segregation when I hear a call over the radio to come to Charlie Pod for a non-emergency.

Okay, so I identified that there was no immediate threat and I decided to briskly walk into the pod. As soon as I enter, I hear the officer on the floor tell me that someone has threatened to start a fire on the walkway if he didn’t get over there. (Now, we are working in a prison, I will let you use your imagination on how politely they said that.) The officer told me that when he was doing his security rounds that said offender was asking him to bring rank down to the pod so that he can get his hair cut. The officer informed me that he told the offender that he would have to “suck it up buttercup…you’re behind that door and I don’t have to do anything for you.”

These types of officers aren’t necessarily in the wrong, but they are what we like to call, “Fire Starters.” My officer just wanted to let me know that he was going to need a riot shield in order to avoid getting dashed with a toilet water cocktail.
I provided the officer the shield and asked if he had things under control. He said, “Yup, things are good. I’ll call you if I need you.” So I left.

Not even 20 minutes after I left, I hear an emergency I.C.S. (Incident Command System) called out on the radio from the same pod….

“This is Officer Soandso, I am in Charlie Pod, Echo Section, 59 cell. I have an offender who has started a fire on the run. I need A response team, a supervisor, and water.”

I knew it…I Knew it…I KNEW IT! It was the same officer with the same offender. As the supervisor, I respond to the scene and put out the fire. He had a really nice fire going on too. I could smell it all the way down the building and it covered at least two and a half cells long and reached the ceiling of the building high. I had to commend him (internally) for that.

After the fire was put out I approached the cell to resolve whatever issue this guy was having. This was not our first incident with this offender as he would typically spit on staff and start fires on a weekly basis. I walk up to the cell and say his name, “Offender X, now that you’re done with the barbeque, you have my attention, what’s going on.” In not so much the nicest manner, he walks up to the cell and starts to tell me about how my officer was abusing his power by not calling me down there and I had to stop him…”Hey, he is not here. It’s you and me. What’s the issue?” Offender X said that he was just trying to get a haircut before his family came to see him tomorrow and that my officer was stopping that from happening. I informed him that we were not doing haircuts tonight. He told me, “So what, am I supposed to look like a fool going to see my boy tomorrow?”

You see, if there is one thing you should know about these offenders, they love to play con games. They love to try and get into your head and manipulate staff into doing extra things for them. But I was a bit wiser to the game than he was so I used my con games right back on him. I told him, “Hey, your boy is coming here tomorrow right?” He said, “Yeah, I just told you that.”

“Fair enough,” I said. “You’re going to catch a case (written up) for this stunt you pulled and I have 24 hours before I have to investigate it, but here is what you are going to do. You are not leaving your cell to get a haircut. You will apologize to my officer and IF you stay out of trouble until breakfast time, I hand out your razors a day earlier.”

Offender X said, “Yeah, you sure right. Alright, just don’t forget about me man.” You know me, when I tell you I am going to do something, I’m going to do it.
There was a little more to the story about how I helped him out before that I omitted, but basically, my trick was treating them like a person. These guys are entitled to haircuts and due to my lack of staff I could not provide that for them. That was my issue, not his. Sure he was a criminal and he did something that landed him in Administrative Segregation, but he had that right. Respect and actively listening to the situation can go a long way and literally prevent fires! lol