Ask Kyrin Anything (within reason lol)

Trust does not come easily for me and the internet emphasizes that to an extreme. So when I came here I was a little gun shy, I suppose, and I held few expectations. And my time here has been highlighted with the highest highs and also the lowest lows in this regard. I have contemplated leaving recently over several trials I have gone through. However I also realize that they are just as much for me to own as I perceive them to be anyone else's fault. Through my life I have found myself constantly needing to prove my worth and yet loathe to give anything up emotionally that can be used against me. My natural defense system so I can’t get hurt. But I’m trying to change that and so, while normally I would be loath to start a thread of this nature, I have decided to give it a try on the recommendation of a good friend, to maybe try and clear up some misunderstandings, get better acquainted, and maybe grow a little bit as well.

Please understand if I choose to not answer a question because I feel it would not be appropriate. Other than that the field is open to everything and anything for whatever specified time I see fit.

Kyrin, I commend you for breaking your mold to do this awesome job! So, I'll start with this you don't have to dig to deep or go to direct examples ect. just a nice synapsis.

Why do you feel that you always have to prove your worth?

I fought many battles with myself when I was young with everything but this one was hard for me to face but when someone asked me it changed my perception.

Kobos wrote: Why do you feel that you always have to prove your worth?

I started school at 4 years of age so all through those years I was always younger than my classmates. And shortly after I was diagnosed with a form of Asperger's. Those sorts of things make you a target for all kinds of negative interactions and my early experiences and general nature came together and taught me to never show emotion because that equated to weakness. Like blood in the water and then the sharks are on you. The sharks have been on me too many times before. Not a good confidence builder to be sure lol.

Over my adult life I have spent a great deal of time in search of others that I could connect with spiritually only to find again and again a growing discord over requirements to conform to specific doctrine. My desire to find connection beyond such things as doctrine had always driven much of my spiritual pursuit but I had failed to find that in others. In this journey I have learned a great deal about myself but I also experienced a growing disillusionment that evolved into a jaded resolution that my quest to find commonality in spirituality with anyone else would ever come to fruition.

I had just left the last of a series of spiritual groups when I came here. I didn’t have high hopes that my experience here would be much different but to my surprise, the process of going through this training profoundly changed the way I approach my spirituality and how I see the world. I realized I was so focused externally on the issue of doctrine that I was overlooking an innate internal connection. I gained a view of reality that ripped away the veil of discrete doctrines that only serve to blind us to this underlying natural link we all share. I realized it was not a kindred group I had been looking for but individual connection to the universe.

However it has also reinforced the ideas I have always carried to remain guarded. Just because there is connection does not mean it’s always a good connection. And so every interaction we have with others should be one of guarded reservation until a proper vetting is done. Connection exists but trust is not innate in that connection. It must be earned. So for me it’s become not about being a part of a group but building my own groups of trusted connection. I don’t “belong to this temple” because it has shown it can’t be trusted as a whole. However there are individuals here that I have built relationships with and formed bonds with that have shown they can be trusted. These individuals, along with others in my real life, have become my own personal “spiritual group”. I think this is the true realization we need to come to in our spirituality. I am not a member of the Temple of the Jedi, I am a member of the Temple of Kyrin, which is made up on those trusted connections and I think we all have our own temples in this way.

My perception of reality is one of continuous struggle and we have evolved to thrive in that antagonistic state where survival of the fittest is the only law and freedom and prosperity is achieved only by applying yourself and fighting for it. Even though intellectually I know that human kind is capable of great benevolence, they are also capable of great cruelty. The worldview I formed as a result of this leaves me in a constant struggle with myself to feel that empathy towards humanity in general. But that also doesn’t mean I should ever give up trying. So this is where I am. Still swimming and still trying to befriend the “sharks” of my life - in fact it’s what drives my passion to try and better understand the mysteries of life. Such is the nature of living and learning I think.

I appreciate your answer and I can relate, as I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and have been burned many times for it. Thank you again for sharing.

Much Love and Respect,
Kobos

Will we ever get a picture of the offline you as an avatar?

Manu wrote: Will we ever get a picture of the offline you as an avatar?

No. I typically do not put my picture out in the wild on the internet. Ive been there and done that and it didn't end well.

Kyrin Wyldstar wrote:

Manu wrote: Will we ever get a picture of the offline you as an avatar?

No. I typically do not put my picture out in the wild on the internet. Ive been there and done that and it didn't end well.

Why? What happened?

Manu wrote:

Kyrin Wyldstar wrote:

Manu wrote: Will we ever get a picture of the offline you as an avatar?

No. I typically do not put my picture out in the wild on the internet. Ive been there and done that and it didn't end well.

Why? What happened?

Another one of those betrayal of trust things. I used to be a member of a sci fi enthusiast and debate board. We would debate endlessly the allegorical implications of the matrix and whether Decker was a replicant or not. Stuff like that. Well I was known for my devastating style of debate... not like here or anything, where I'm pretty laid back ... there was a group of people on the board that didn't like me and they took out their revenge on me in a devastating way. I had given to much personal info to people I thought were my friends. It turned out I was manipulated, used and taken advantage of. They took personal pix and photoshopped them into deplorable scenes mostly sexual in nature. That wasn't enough for them though. They contacted my employer and tried to get me fired because they claimed I was using company resources to stalk them and harrass them on the internet l. (I had a company laptop at the time) I was called into my bosses office and presented with all these horrible lies they had concocted about me. I was humiliated. My only saving grace was the fact they had used fake names and phones when they made the complaints so my boss could not get in touch with them. He concluded they were not on the level and that saved my job.

That was 10 years ago and it's taken until now for me to ever join anyplace like this again. Although the height of precaution was paramount for me I decided to trust again...Needless to say I had a very visceral reaction when John did that to me again in the Trump thread... albeit on a much smaller scale but the PTSD was still in effect.

I want to trust that people can be good... and so I even stayed and created this thread... but it seems that my worst fears only get proven over and over... people are fucking assholes with no redeeming qualities that can ever outweigh that.

people are fucking assholes with no redeeming qualities that can ever outweigh that.

JamesSand Approves of this message.

Kyrin Wyldstar wrote: I want to trust that people can be good... and so I even stayed and created this thread... but it seems that my worst fears only get proven over and over... people are fucking assholes with no redeeming qualities that can ever outweigh that.

I am very sorry for what you had to go through. And thank you for sharing here with us, I know you are under no obligation to do so, but it's nice to get to know you a bit more, even if your approach is understandably cautious.