Help with dealing with loved one's Cancer?

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27 May 2017 00:35 #285405 by Matthew Reeve
Help with dealing with loved one's Cancer? was created by Matthew Reeve
My Uncle's spouse's mum has Cancer the second time round as well as MY biological Grandmother's best friend... I love them both as people and I consider them family... My grandmother-in-law's cancer isn't looking good says the family.... She's dying... And I am scared for my Nans bestie too... HELP!

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27 May 2017 01:02 #285407 by JLSpinner
Having lost my father to cancer the only advice I can give is be with them and enjoy them. Nothing lasts forever and everything will change.
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27 May 2017 02:14 #285411 by steamboat28
What kind of help can we give you, except to let you know that we are here for you through these challenges?
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27 May 2017 02:46 #285412 by MarVinKra
Steamboat and JL both make good points. Even though I have not gone through something like you are now, I am more than happy to offer what I can in terms of listening.
May the Force be with you and your family.

This plane behind the visible, that we cannot see, remains without time. It provides the ebb and flow of life without us ever noticing it unless we submit ourselves to it and its teachings. It offers so much and it has always been there. It is the Force

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27 May 2017 03:53 #285415 by Senan
Replied by Senan on topic Help with dealing with loved one's Cancer?
I'm so sorry to hear that your family has to deal with this shitty disease. As a cancer patient myself, all I can say is to treat them as you always have. Love them, respect them, and just be there. They are likely scared, tired, frustrated, and possibly embarrased. They may feel like a burden.

Also, take care of yourself. You can't help your family if you don't also have your needs met. You've got a tough road ahead. Please reach out if you need anything or just want to talk.

Death, yet the Force. No matter what happens, they will always be with you.

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27 May 2017 08:02 #285426 by elizabeth
i don't know what help you want but if you just want to talk/vent then anyone here will listen.
personally I would say just love them, take each day as it comes and love and cherish them as you always have. They are still the people you love and every day we get to spend with family is a treasure.
nothing is guaranteed so make each moment count just enjoy time with them.

I own my life

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27 May 2017 11:45 #285432 by rrhodes67
I wasn't able to do so with my mom before she passed, but wish I had. However, in the months before my dad passed, we were able to visit every weekend, and he and I would talk about family history. I'd record all his stories. They've given me a lot of comfort over the years since. So my advice would be to spend time with them, ask the questions you need to ask, get the answers you need to get. You don't want their to be anything left unsaid.
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27 May 2017 12:40 #285435 by Matthew Reeve
Replied by Matthew Reeve on topic Help with dealing with loved one's Cancer?
Thanks all. I am not able to visit often/ever as they live so far away different countries/Counties

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27 May 2017 22:10 - 27 May 2017 22:11 #285454 by Jedi Druid
Replied by Jedi Druid on topic Help with dealing with loved one's Cancer?
Facing the threat of a profound loss is very difficult (he said obviously). I just lost my grandfather last week, who has meant more to me than anyone else besides my wife, and I am having a very difficult time grieving. I rarely got to see him since I moved almost a thousand miles away about ten years ago. I'm finding comfort in these things: knowing that we each know how we feel about each other; good memories; being there for my family, and my family being there for me; knowing that I have support like TotJO; being rooted in my faith in life.

As a paramedic of many years I've had to help families through dying and grieving. The things that I have seen help people most are these: being rooted in their faith of choice; coming to terms with their relationship with their deceased loved one (whether a good, bad, open, estranged, ect.); feeling like they can contribute something to their family, and feeling like their family supports them; feeling like they can contribute to the memory of their loved one; finding meaning in the death ("it was a release for her", "I can help others learn from this", "she thoroughly enjoyed life" (as in the closing of a book of her life), etc.).

My wife was widowed five years ago (no, I'm not dead (though that might be really interesting), we got married two years after). Her perspective through healing has seemed to be: things happen; I love; he (the deceased) loves; my family loves, and I love my family; time helps; no words ever help, but it can help to simply know that someone is present. (btw The whole "he's in a better place" or "God needed him" or "this is all part of God's plan," no matter how strong one's faith is, often feels like a dagger in the side.)

What I've learned is this: there are stages of grief ( grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/ ), there is no particular order for these, not everyone experiences them; everyone grieves in their own way and it's ok to be content with yours; cry; love.

We're here if you need us...
Last edit: 27 May 2017 22:11 by Jedi Druid. Reason: deleted a comma

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