You are NOT safe and you are NOT good enough

we're slightly more complicated than donkeys but ok, my response is that if the donkey believes itself to be just fine the way he is, he wont give a sh!t about that carrot!

ok he might eat it if you give it to him for free without any effort on his part, but why would be uncomfortable and exert himself for something that he doesnt need and doesnt even really want that much?

i mean, i dont have a malibu barbie with a glitter convertable and thats OK - im just fine without one and no matter how much glitter you use i am not going to make any kind of effor to have one

and thats how we all are: no one really works hard for anything when they think they are ok without i t, just as they are, thats simply how we are wired - we work hardest for things when we recognize that we lack them and believe that we should have them or would be be better off if we had them

we might really enjoy some particular activity, like playing the guitar, and there will be plenty of times when we play simply because we enjoy the experience of playing

but guitar is a skill, and during the process of developing ANY skill, you reach points where the thing becomes HARD

eventually, getting better becomes so damn hard and uncomfortable that the only reason we continue is because we know that we're NOT GOOD ENOUGH and we are not willing to accept that

whenever we get "good enough", we become good enough to quit
thats actually what "good enough" means, by definition

in life, we never fully catch up to the entirety of our circumstances - or to say it another way, theres always some area that could AND SHOULD be improved because our lives tend to get more complex and more nuanced as we go forward

the complexity should grow as our competence grows
or you could say that as we mature we are able to live up to higher standards

about being negative, and hating oneself: thats not at all what i meant

i did say "brutally honest" and i know that very often when people use that phrase they really just want an excuse to be brutal, and thats definitely not what im getting at

maybe i should have said "unflinchingly honest" or "honest without self-pity"

speaking from my experience its very difficult to be unflinchingly honest, because it means not hiding from the legitimate short comings of my own character and personality

and i mean the real ones, the ones that manifest through my choices and actions in such a way as to sabotage elements of my personal life and relationships

its difficult because there is a sort of deflecting mechanism thats not even fully conscious which works to shelter me from the truth of these flaws by never fully acknowledging them

but that sheltering only prolongs the suffering, because there are certain things about myself that could change and that should change, and that will not change until i change them

and this is normal for everyone; you can try to dodge what i am saying by framing it as if its nothing more than my own personal, subjective view, but if youre honest with yourself you'll recognize bits of your own life in these words as well, because at a certain level, we're not very different from one another

none of this means that anyone should despise their own being
a lot of us have to deal with some rather deep seated feelings of inadequacy and even self loathing

for the most part this goes back to the adults we had in our lives when we were very young, who either didnt know how to nurture effectively or just didnt care, and its a lot to work through

i do believe that we have to develop a foundation of actively loving ourselves - of choosing consciously to love and nurture ourselves, before we can be self critical in a resilient and useful way - if we revel in self abuse it just grinds us down eventually

but that conscious self love should not be confused with self-coddling, and i think it way too often is

there have been a lot of thoughtful replies in the topic and i appreciate everyones input!

im not going to respond directly to every post because i think that would be too much, but i do want to respond to rex's comic, which i loved reading!

Rex wrote: I love how everyone reacts differently in the light of their own existential nature. This thread honestly reminds me of a comic I saw earlier this week.

this is the perfect example of what i am talking about actually - i mean its spot on

look its easy to say "well i guess i just want TV and booze more than being rich or beautiful" but thats bullshit; nobody really wants to watch tv and get drunk more than they want to be healthy and valued by others and to have control over their own lives

its just that tv and booze are EASY: they are convenient and accessible and they pass the time, and thats why we use them - to pass the time in a comfortable, hopefully pleasant way

but passed time does not come back

the kids in that comic feel like they have all the time in the world, because thats how we all feel especially when we're young, and so its easy for them to waste in on crap

but TV and booze are never ever going to return our investments, and if we let forty or fifty years of life go by thinking that we're "ok" and "theres nothing to do and nowhere to go" so lets just relax, watch some TV and drink some booze...

man, we're going to resent the existence of TV and booze altogether, and resent ourselves and all the time that we wasted being silly children who really believed this idea that our time wasnt really important

there ARE things to do and places to go, and many of them take tremendous effort and tremendous risk, it takes a strong motivation to get us those places, and they are good places to be but you dont get there if you think youre already "good enough" lol no exceptional person was ever "good enough" thats how they got to be exceptional- and why wouldnt you strive to be exceptional if you can be?

thats the idea of this topic

I definitely agree with your message, OB1. We should not always be content with "good enough" and we should seek to improve, especially in areas that are causing us or others grief or discomfort.

During this pursuit of bettering ourselves, I don't believe that means we have to become more complex or sophisticated. I actually believe that a lot of improvement comes from simplifying our lives. In our pursuit of status, wealth and titles, we often don't realize how much stress we are creating for ourselves. We continually set the bar higher and higher until we eventually feel inadequate all the time. Sometimes improvement comes from recognizing the areas you will never excel at and accepting that it is okay.

I don't think we should drink booze and sit in front of the TV all day, but I don't think we need to strive to be the best at everything either.

To use the guitar example, I play guitar and bass and the banjo. I don't play any of them exceptionally. In fact, I barely play the bass well enough to be on stage occasionally with other musicians and the guitar and banjo are nothing more than a hobby. But for me, that is "good enough". I have no need or desire to be any better than I am because I get enjoyment out of it where I am at now. If my livelihood depended on it, I might be more motivated, but as of right now it is just a great way to entertain my 5 year old niece or provide some entertainment around a campfire.

I don't think we should drink booze and sit in front of the TV all day, but I don't think we need to strive to be the best at everything either.

What's stopping you from being the best at drinking booze and sitting in front of TV?

Having consumed all of the alcohols, and having an encyclopaedic knowledge of every HBO and Netflix series is considered something of status in some regions :dry:



I wonder if they should come up with different words for "What we want to be good at" and "what we want other people to think we are good at"

In reference to the OP, that's the great irony of life: No one gets out alive.

I just have to say that I find it amusing that your signature has a link to a psych central post about challenging negative self talk. But then maybe you posted in that forum saying some of the same things you said here.

I hear what OB1 is saying, and there is no denying that this is a method for motivation to change, but I think it is just that: one method. I think there are other methods that function as well. Maybe you need to get through a certain number of changes before your methodology can switch, but I've never been a fan of the mentality that human beings only do things because they have to. That would, quite literally, make is no different than animals. True, we are animals, but much like rain being water but not all water being rain, that's only part of the truth. Not saying we're better, in many ways we are considerably worse; just different.

This is what I was trying to convey when I said changes based in fear, only yield fear-based changes. There are many different types of motivation factors for change. Fear, anger, love, or just a simple desire for improvement.

One could argue that the paradox of my argument is how can something be improved if it was not initially flawed? To that I would say that something could be good enough, or even great the way it is, but still stand improvement.

We are playful creatures, and I've found many of the things we do are more motivated by the desire to overcome boredom, than a driving force to make ourselves better. We've created a whole society that makes it easy to take daily activities out of our daily routine, then put them back in at the gym, in a safe, controlled, and easy environment, but still spend most of our time just staving off the boredom.

If we lived in a Eutopia, I personally believe we'd sill have people who want to contribute. Even with all their needs met, I think people would still want to grow, learn, and add to themselves and to society, all of this without the need for it, and without seeing themselves or the society as flawed.

Art for instance, though currently it is done many times simply to put food on the table, is a representation of this. If you fed, clothed, and supplied all the needs and wants to the artist, would they not still have a desire to create?

Just my opinion, and I've been told more than once that I have an oversimplistic view of things.

I mean it's exactly how to motivate anyone. Casinos used to (idk if they still do) rig machines to let new players win a small amount early, and then let them plug away at a chance to win big; similarly, if drug sellers can get a client addicted, they'll have buyer for life.
Back to the OP, well if there isn't intrinsic meaning to life, you make your own, so what are you going to make it?
Liger poop or something more?
It's up to you. And the Liger, I guess.

What is change? How do you define better? Hitler was one of the best tyrants in the history of modern man. Was that achievement a great personal victory or one of the greatest atrocities ever known?

my apologies for not answering sooner Reliah, but 1) i wanted to think about how best to respond and 2) i have been super busy (bettering myself, in real life lol)

Reliah wrote: If we aren't focusing our time and energy on achieving the knowledge of how to deal with reality, we are wasting our time?

YES!

and kudos to you for being one of the very few/the only who picked up on that part of the original post; most everyone else jumped in merely to defend their self esteem :ohmy:

let me put it this way: reality is going to deal with each of us, whether we are ready for it or not

we're going to be alone (and thus lonely) for virtually all of our lives OR we are going to suffer loss of those we love, heartbreak, and outright betrayal

we're either going to be the first or next person in our circles to die, or we're going to have to endure the loss of people we care for through unexpected and agonizing death

we're going to spend our lives being mediocre (at best) or we are going to try for big things, and risk big things, and trying and risking inevitably means failing, and failing big time

at some time or another, we all make decisions and perform actions that hurt other people, deeply, and unfairly

and others will do as much to us

Reliah wrote: I wonder - what does that look like to you? What does a person who isn't wasting their time do or think or feel?

awesome, awesome question!
the specifics will vary from individual to individual, and i have to say that while i am qualified to point in the general direction, i am NOT presenting myself as THE AUTHORITY on the subject; i am still working it out myself

however it may come across to the rest of you, this is me attempting to flesh out what i believe, and using your feedback to do that

and to answer the questions as best as i can

what do they do?

the very first word that comes to mind is "busy"
by definition a person who isnt wasting their time would be pretty busy lol

not to say that every waking minute is 100% effort, but there is a fairly well fleshed out set of priorities in such a persons life, and the "booze and television vs predetermined priorities" ratio is low on the "booze and television" side

might describe them as "goal oriented" but more accurately they are internally oriented



basically, people who arent wasting their time arent just aimlessly drifting, even if they look like they are

well then again they might be: sometimes the drifting is how we find out what to spend our time on, but a general rule of thumb would be this: if most of your time is spent just passing the time, youre probably wasting your time

the rest of it is more philosophical: "what do they think or feel"?

well another way to ask that would be to ask how do we buffer ourselves for the reality of tragedy and suffering?

how can we organize our lives and our thoughts so that we are resilient enough to handle the suffering that we have to handle in life, and what must we do with ourselves so that life is worth the suffering?

so now im asking you! lol, what do you think?

Read this as an interested question for continuing the conversation - not as an attack or disagreement.

If you listen to Watts, one of his discussions was in the pointlessness of trying to change oneself.

i dont listen to watts

i respect that his writing has had a positive impact on many lives and i say check him out and see if it works for you, but for me, watts is a no-go

The person who you are trying to change, is the one who is "not good enough" to begin with.

exactly, we were born "not good enough" and for the first 18 years of our lives (roughly speaking) it was our parents responsibility to force us to become better

thats why we were forced to learn how to tie our shoes, brush our teeth, respect our elders, wake up when our alarm clocks go off and basically "get with the program" of becoming people who are competent to do things

if we were very blessed and had parents who were actually good at building us up, properly, we also learned how to identify, on our own, the areas where we arent good enough, and how to take up the task of bettering ourselves on our own initiatives without having to have someone breathing down our necks about it

Changing something out of fear, will only get you a fear-based change.

we are talking about different levels of decision making

what im speaking of is a thorough and honest self-review: a "fear based change" at this level would be something like "im afraid of getting lung cancer and so i am going to quit smoking cigarettes"

or "i know that being overweight leads to all kinds of health problems and i am going to get into the healthy weight range for my height"

or "I am afraid that i wont be able to financially provide for myself or a family and so i am going to go to college and get into a feild that i am good at and that will provide enough economic security so that i can have a home and children"

but really, im not advocating "fear based change"
im advocating "honest appraisal and adjustment", which is different

its taking responsibility for our weak links and short comings, and choosing to rise above mediocrity

This is just my opinion, and if I'm way off, feel free to say so. I apologize if I butchered the Watts and Einstein quotes, or missed the points with them completely, lol!

what you had to say was awesome and im not telling you that you were wrong, im only exploring and elaborating on the ideas that i want to share

OB1Shinobi wrote: let me put it this way: reality is going to deal with each of us, whether we are ready for it or not

we're going to be alone (and thus lonely) for virtually all of our lives OR we are going to suffer loss of those we love, heartbreak, and outright betrayal

we're either going to be the first or next person in our circles to die, or we're going to have to endure the loss of people we care for through unexpected and agonizing death

we're going to spend our lives being mediocre (at best) or we are going to try for big things, and risk big things, and trying and risking inevitably means failing, and failing big time

at some time or another, we all make decisions and perform actions that hurt other people, deeply, and unfairly

and others will do as much to us

Warning: Here comes a cliche Jedi answer, but it does have some relevance to your assertions above.

Learn to let go of the things you fear to lose. While loss may indeed cause suffering, one will suffer less if they do not feel like they are losing so much. Hang on too tightly to something and we suffer all the more when it is inevitably taken from us.

Being alone does not have to mean we are lonely.

Fear of failure or feelings of mediocrity come when we cannot meet expectations, either our own or those of others. Learn to evaluate those expectations, and we can reduce the suffering that comes with failure. Success can be equally dangerous when we come to rely on it too much.

Verse 44 of the Tao Te Ching sums up my feelings on this pretty well.



Did I wake up today? Yes. Has a Liger eaten me yet? No. Did I have food to eat today? Yes. Have I caused any harm to others today? I don't think I have, at least not on purpose. Have I spent time in enjoyable company today? Yes.

So far, I am safe and I have been good enough. I believe I have been successful as a human today.

Senan wrote:

OB1Shinobi wrote: let me put it this way: reality is going to deal with each of us, whether we are ready for it or not

we're going to be alone (and thus lonely) for virtually all of our lives OR we are going to suffer loss of those we love, heartbreak, and outright betrayal

we're either going to be the first or next person in our circles to die, or we're going to have to endure the loss of people we care for through unexpected and agonizing death

we're going to spend our lives being mediocre (at best) or we are going to try for big things, and risk big things, and trying and risking inevitably means failing, and failing big time

at some time or another, we all make decisions and perform actions that hurt other people, deeply, and unfairly

and others will do as much to us

Warning: Here comes a cliche Jedi answer, but it does have some relevance to your assertions above.

Learn to let go of the things you fear to lose. While loss may indeed cause suffering, one will suffer less if they do not feel like they are losing so much. Hang on too tightly to something and we suffer all the more when it is inevitably taken from us.

Being alone does not have to mean we are lonely.

Fear of failure or feelings of mediocrity come when we cannot meet expectations, either our own or those of others. Learn to evaluate those expectations, and we can reduce the suffering that comes with failure. Success can be equally dangerous when we come to rely on it too much.

Verse 44 of the Tao Te Ching sums up my feelings on this pretty well.

Warning: Spoiler!

From the Stephen Mitchell Translation:

Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or failure: which is more destructive?
If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.
Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.

Did I wake up today? Yes. Has a Liger eaten me yet? No. Did I have food to eat today? Yes. Have I caused any harm to others today? I don't think I have, at least not on purpose. Have I spent time in enjoyable company today? Yes.

So far, I am safe and I have been good enough. I believe I have been successful as a human today.

Well said Senan.

OB1, I'm in complete agreement with you here.
We should never become complacent. We should never be satisfied with who we are, unwilling to engage in self-improvement. And every person out there has the ability to improve. Even Buddha could've done well losing a few pounds. :laugh: This idea that everyone is perfect as they are is ludicrous and spits in the face of progress.

No, you're not safe. No one out there is guaranteeing that you'll never be offended or you'll never get hurt. No amount of safe spaces, coddling politicians, or police can prevent someone from shooting you in a random drive-by or mugging you with a knife. You're a fool if you think that these things afford you anything other than a false sense of security. None of the social movements out there are going to help you. (In fact, I recently read that a man died because social justice protesters prevented an ambulance from reaching him; these things may legitimately do more harm than good.) No amount of support from any number of people will make you more safe. There really is nothing you can do about it. Take some boxing classes or whatever and you're in a slightly better position, but you're still fundamentally not safe. Nothing out there can make you safe. No amount of laws or regulations can prevent someone from just randomly beating you to a bloody pulp. That's just the way it is.

Now, that's nothing to be upset about. It's just a fact of life. If you're upset by facts which can't be changed (short of denying the autonomy of every living person on the planet) then I really don't know how you survive. Nobody is safe, nobody is perfect, that's life, and it's fine.

TheDude wrote: No, you're not safe. No one out there is guaranteeing that you'll never be offended or you'll never get hurt. No amount of safe spaces, coddling politicians, or police can prevent someone from shooting you in a random drive-by or mugging you with a knife. You're a fool if you think that these things afford you anything other than a false sense of security. None of the social movements out there are going to help you. (In fact, I recently read that a man died because social justice protesters prevented an ambulance from reaching him; these things may legitimately do more harm than good.) No amount of support from any number of people will make you more safe. There really is nothing you can do about it. Take some boxing classes or whatever and you're in a slightly better position, but you're still fundamentally not safe. Nothing out there can make you safe. No amount of laws or regulations can prevent someone from just randomly beating you to a bloody pulp. That's just the way it is.

No one will ever be 100% safe, but no one here is claiming that. I can say with 100% certainty that I am safer sitting in this office chair right now than I would be on a street in Syria or a canoe in the middle of the ocean during a hurricane. An earthquake might kill me where i sit in the next ten minutes, but right now I feel safe, regardless of your assertion that I am fundamentally not safe.

I also act in a way that allows others to feel safe around me. Support from other people and simple agreement about acceptable behavior by a majority will make each of us more safe, despite the chaos that exists in the world. Social movements meant to encourage agreement among diverse groups of people can lessen the likelihood of individuals being beaten to a bloody pulp. Denying this reality flies directly in the face of your assertion that "every person out there has the ability to improve." I can improve myself by learning not to beat others to a bloody pulp, and in doing so I have made others around me safer. I can also learn to avoid situations where I will likely be beaten to a bloody pulp and suggest others do the same.

On the other hand, telling someone "you are NOT safe and you are NOT good enough" is the kind of rhetoric and fear mongering that encourages people to rely on firearms rather than reason to protect themselves from danger. Being unsafe is not a "fact of life", and your level of safety can in fact be changed by the decisions you make every moment. We do not need to remove the autonomy of individuals in order to guarantee safety. It is our autonomy as individuals that allows us to decide when we should work together for the safety of all. Cops aren't risking their lives just to make themselves safer. They do the opposite by putting themselves in unsafe situations in order to make me safer. I am not willing to discount efforts to make the world a safer place just because some choose to believe it is pointless. What frustrates me is that those who believe encouraging greater safety is pointless are the same people benefiting from the efforts of those who make them safer every day. This isn't a "false sense of security". It is a very real sense of security based on my current surroundings, and I am not a "fool" for understanding that certain actions by myself and others will contribute to my level of safety.

The funny thing is, these days when you tell people they're not OK as they are, they start hating their own race, sex or other body parts, and quite violently so.

i think a lot of people here have interpreted what im saying in exactly this way: with the assumption that not bullshitting themselves about their shortcomings is the same thing as hating themselves

and thats not only incorrect but its a really counterproductive way of thinking about things
just because you arent "OK" (whatever that actually means to you lol) does NOT mean that you deserve to be despised or ridiculed

it only means that you have work to do - which we all, ALWAYS do have work to do

This reminds me also of the movie Fight Club, when Tyler Durden says "self-improvement is masturbation!", referring to the fact that improvement for the sake of improvement is meaningless. Sacrifice is only meaningful if it has a purpose.

remember the "chemical burn" scene ?

"first, you have to give up; you have to know -not fear- know, that youre going to die"

Hating yourself for not fitting a mold is a waste of time. You don't "rage against the machine" by becoming a cog in a newer, shinier one. Finding what you truly want, however, and doing it, should be a joyous experience, regardless of the sacrifice and frustration involved. And no amount of complacency or, conversely, hatred, is going to get it done. Action, however, will.

i agree

for my part, i am attempting to encourage the idea of taking action in a decisive and honest way

I just have to say that I find it amusing that your signature has a link to a psych central post about challenging negative self talk. But then maybe you posted in that forum saying some of the same things you said here.

well thanks for the reminder, i like to change my sigs every few weeks/couple months

the idea you seem to be suggesting goes back to what ren said, and how people get confused and think that identifying their own flaws is the same thing as hating or hurting themselves

positive self talk is predicated on honesty; if you try to B.S. yourself about something, and convince yourself of some happy lie, the result will be that you will end up feeling worse about yourself than you did before you tried to lie

ignoring our flaws is not healthy positive self talk, and acknowledging our flaws is not negative self talk

negative talk would be like "its not possible for me to improve, i am worthless and hopeless"

positive self talk would be like "i am willing to work and make some effort to improve, and if i make effort, my effort will pay off"

"i am capable of growing and making progress"

thats the heart of positive self talk - it is honest and it is hopeful, it is the most hopeful and positive way of understanding the situation that one can HONESTLY accept

sometimes saying "well i realize i had no idea what i was talking about" is positive self talk, because it is honest and it admits the need to re-evaluate

which we all need to do fairly regularly i think

On the other hand, telling someone "you are NOT safe and you are NOT good enough" is the kind of rhetoric and fear mongering that encourages people to rely on firearms rather than reason to protect themselves from danger. Being unsafe is not a "fact of life", and your level of safety can in fact be changed by the decisions you make every moment.

if being unsafe was NOT a basic fact of life, then there would be an decision that could make you markedly safer because youd already be safe - safe is safe

if youre safe then you dont need to make smart decisions

but youre not safe
while its true that civilization does everything it can to make sure that nothing unpredictable happens, at fundamental level we are all about as safe as a caterpillar walking along the edge of a leaf in the middle of the jungle

now you might call this fear mongering, but id say thats a fearful interpretation

it takes a lot of courage to face the truth of our "caterpillarness"

my message is more along the lines of "screw your courage to the sticking place" (or maybe "grow a pair") because it takes a lot of courage to face the truth of our "caterpillarness"

courage doesnt mean that one "feels safe"
especially NOT at the expense of blinding oneself to reality
courage is to have self control when we are in danger

so i would say that you are fear mongering by telling people that "everything is ok"
and that i am courage-mongering because i am telling people "everything will never ever be "OK" - your job is to develop yourself so that you can handle that"

fearful people need to be reassured that they are safe - courageous people want to be competent enough to face the dangers and difficulties of their circumstances

as an aside, do you think that every gun owner is some kind of skittish, unreasonable pussycat, who is so afraid of shadows and phantoms that they need an ak 47 and exploding underwear just to walk out to their mailbox?

OB1Shinobi wrote: if being unsafe was NOT a basic fact of life, then there would be an decision that could make you markedly safer because youd already be safe - safe is safe

It is just as true to say that being safe is a basic fact of life and it is bad decisions that make one unsafe.

"Safe" and "unsafe" are not absolutes. You can definitely be "safer" or "less safe" based on your actions and the environment you put yourself in. I'm safer jumping out of an airplane if I'm wearing a parachute. I'm even safer if I never leave the ground in the first place. This doesn't make skydiving safe or unsafe. It entirely depends on the person doing it and the level of preparedness and training. Whether you'll believe it or not, any idiot can get lucky and pull a rip cord without any training. The parachute could fail, but it could also work perfectly. Assuming the worst result all the time is living in fear. It is more logical to assess the risk and then provide for the safest outcome.

OB1Shinobi wrote: if youre safe then you dont need to make smart decisions

So because I'm safe on the side of the highway right now I should go ahead and walk into moving traffic?

OB1Shinobi wrote: but youre not safe

I'm safer on the side of the road than I am standing in the middle of it. I know this so I make the decision to remain where I am safe.

OB1Shinobi wrote: while its true that civilization does everything it can to make sure that nothing unpredictable happens, at fundamental level we are all about as safe as a caterpillar walking along the edge of a leaf in the middle of the jungle

Civilization is not at a fundamental level any longer. We don't live in the jungle. We are not in the business of making sure nothing unpredictable happens. We are in the business of being safer when it does. That also means avoiding risk which inherently makes someone safer. Knowing the risks to avoid comes with being more civilized, which makes civilization safer. I live five miles from the largest earthquake fault on the North American continent. I know the risk is much higher for me than most to experience a catastrophic earthquake, so I am likely way more prepared for it than someone in Florida would be. I am safer because I have learned how to prepare, and that is good enough for me.

OB1Shinobi wrote: now you might call this fear mongering, but id say thats a fearful interpretation

it takes a lot of courage to face the truth of our "caterpillarness"

my message is more along the lines of "screw your courage to the sticking place" (or maybe "grow a pair") because it takes a lot of courage to face the truth of our "caterpillarness"

No, it doesn't require courage to face one's mortality. One can be terrified of death constantly, and yet not be in any real danger. One can also believe they are invincible and die suddenly without ever knowing the fear. As rational beings, we also have to accept that we make decisions about our own safety that far outreach the capability of a caterpillar. The ever increasing life expectancy of human beings is direct evidence that we have learned how to be safer as a species.

OB1Shinobi wrote: courage doesnt mean that one "feels safe"
especially NOT at the expense of blinding oneself to reality
courage is to have self control when we are in danger

Agreed, but courage doesn't only appear when we are in danger. Courage can come from a feeling of being safe as well. Using the example I mentioned earlier, I wouldn't jump out of a plane without a parachute. I'd be terrified. I'm not blind to the danger. Once I'm wearing a parachute, however, I have the courage to do it. My knowledge and decision making has mitigated the danger and made the activity safe.

OB1Shinobi wrote: so i would say that you are fear mongering by telling people that "everything is ok"
and that i am courage-mongering because i am telling people "everything will never ever be "OK" - your job is to develop yourself so that you can handle that"

fearful people need to be reassured that they are safe - courageous people want to be competent enough to face the dangers and difficulties of their circumstances

Everything can be okay, and right now as I type this it is for me. You telling me I am not safe right now doesn't suddenly make me not safe. I am currently good enough to face this situation without a need to be any more competent than I currently am to handle it. I don't need to improve myself to continue sitting at this desk. I also do not feel unsafe. Wanting to be competent enough to face danger and difficulty does not require one to be afraid. I can have a perfect sense of safety and security where I sit right now and still prepare myself for possible danger I will be in when my situation is different.

The flaw in the logic behind the title of this post is that while we can always be safer and always be better (which I agree we should strive for), we can also be less safe than we are now and be much worse. I am not in a constant state of peril, despite what you would have me believe.

OB1Shinobi wrote: as an aside, do you think that every gun owner is some kind of skittish, unreasonable pussycat, who is so afraid of shadows and phantoms that they need an ak 47 and exploding underwear just to walk out to their mailbox?

As a gun owner myself, no, I do not believe that. I use my rifles and shotgun for sport and I enjoy them very much for that. I could use my shotgun for home defense if I felt it was necessary, but I don't. I feel safe in my home without having it loaded next to my bed. I feel this way because I am aware of my surroundings and the threat level that exists, and my current state of readiness is good enough and I am safe.

Very true. I agree with you.

I also agree with your OP. While it can be helpful to remind oneself that one has value it is not helpful to fill one's head with nonsense about being perfect the way one is. I get tired of the namby-pamby, wishy-washy bullcrap that sometimes get fed to us. This crap about being fine the way we are is silly. While I do think it's true that most people ARE "fine" the way they are that doesn't mean that there isn't room for improvement. I am not satisfied with being okay or fine. I also do not aim for perfection. I figure if I aim too high I'll only get discouraged. I aim for near constant improvement. As long as I'm working towards becoming better I figure I'm doing alright and should keep going.

As far as not being safe...well yea. I've actually heard that meditation on the fact that you will die can actually be helpful. It is not a bad thing to consider one's own mortality. It reminds us that we likely have this one life to live and should do the best we possibly can with the time allotted to us. One of my favorite quotes from the Lord of the Rings films is "All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you." I try to think about that often, especially when faced with a choice.