Some general ideas about forum etiquette.

Upon my return after a several months in the wild (busy with my wife and daughters), I came back and noticed some different energy bouncing around. It comes back from time to time. Someone gets dissatisfied with their experiences here and they voice their discontent. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. However, we should develop some ground rules as to how we do that, and give feedback to the community and individuals alike.

So, here are my suggestions: These will seem SO ridiculously simple, but if everyone here approaches the situations with these ideas consciously in mind, it will work wonders for communication. I've lived this for 5 years. It works.

Always assume positive intent, whether or not you believe it. Second, criticism should always be specific, whether positive or negative, always explicit.

When addressing a specific concern, (some of this is for council members and clergy) acknowledge their concern (restate), align (express empathy), assure (express the issue is of concern and will be addressed in the most appropriate manner for the community at large).

When an expectation does not fall in line with the community rules or dogma, reset expectations. Stating what is possible to be addressed at all, what isn't, and what may not be able to be addressed at this time. And when there isn't a time table available. State that. Be as transparent as possible and avoid saying no.

If you want people to be agreeable, negative statements like no are dirty words. Don't use them.

Finally, if you have criticism for a specific individual, remember these rules and use PM's. Good feelings are never created from a public flaming. It will actually create feelings of shame, inadequacy, anger, and fear. That's not what this community is about.

Above all things, when communicating, remember not to just hear someone, drop the ego and listen. If you let your ego get in there, none of this will work.

Welcome back

These are undoubtedly some good ideas. But please bear in mind, not everyone will be able to achieve them. Some come to us more used to fighting than to making friends, more used to defending themselves than being open to new ideas about who they are or what they might become.

And even if not, even though this is our Temple and sacred space, we're not expecting everyone - indeed, anyone, to be perfect Jedi, here. I think perhaps it's enough that we do our best, and learn from our mistakes.

I fail quite a bit in my practice of this as well. It's not about the perfection of the ideas. But when you have an interaction where these ideas are used by even one of the parties involved, it's pretty amazing how quickly someone who is otherwise combative will lose their wind. I work in IT and use this stuff with my clients. Especially the angry ones with broken things. Even if only one of us knows this stuff and uses it, it still works.

Two thoughts immediately come to mind.
"Passion, yet Serenity" and "I shall never seek so much to be understood as to understand".

We have some heated conversations here, but as you point out, we always need to be willing to acknowledge when our passion is getting the best of us. The ego needs to be checked and balanced as often as possible. We also need to remember that we are here to learn and to gain a greater understanding of each other and the world. We should all be seeking to understand first and be understood second.

I love the idea of always assuming positive intent, especially in a text based medium such as this. Without voice inflection and facial expressions it can be easy to misunderstand someone's intent. If we assume the intent is positve, even if we are wrong, at least we are starting from a positive place rather than negative.