Fear

Fear, how does one defeat it? It is the bane of my life, fearing others, fearing death. Does fear really lead one down a dark path or does it make one know one's alive? I have many fears and would like to defeat many of them. Can one really defeat fear itself or is fear a limitation? So many questions.

Good topic. It will have many answers, no one answer will be more right than the others.

We often speak of "conquering" our fears as if they are opponents to be beaten, but I don't see it that way. Fear is essential to our existence and simply needs to be understood. We learn to live with our fear and to know which fears are good and which are bad. We learn why we fear certain things and we learn to move on. Cowardice, yet courage.

To paraphrase: Courage is not the absense of fear, but the will to not let it control you.

As far as "defeating" fear, that can be easy or very difficult depending on the fear and it's depth. The old cliche is to simply face it, although I wouldn't recommend that approach for the fear of death.

I, for one, am afraid of large bodies of water (among other things). My family wanted to go on a cruise and it scared me a lot, but I did it anyway and learned that I could manage. Fear, a lot of times, comes from the unknown. I live in Iowa so the closest thing I have to a large body of water is some small "lakes," so I didn't really understand what it would be like to be out there. Now I do and I know what to expect from both it and myself.

And as for fear being a "path to the darkside," it can be, but only if you let it control you.

There's good fear and bad fear in my opinion. Good fear is the rational fear that, for example, keeps you alive in an emergency. Bad fear is the fear that stops you acting when should or want to, that holds you back. I think the key to overcoming fear is understanding it, where it comes from, so that it doesn't holds as much weight.

don't defeat it or fight with it. If you do, you will be lost to it, overwhelmed and take by the darkside.

embrace the fear, go into it, find the lessons there that hide within for you.

Bring your light of love and acceptance into it.

fear is trying to keep you safe.

When I fear - I ask myself some questions: is this rational or irrational? is this real or imagined? Is this caused by past hurts or is this something new?

Then I decide to ignore it or heed it. fear is a good thing when its accurate. Fear is a bad thing when it comes up from your humanity that is filled with hurt, resistance and triggers.

When I go rock climbing, I know I am doing something that can kill me. I have fear around it. I have AWE for rock climging. I respect that fear. that fear keeps me alive.

When I am feeling a deep emotion of fear, then I know its usually from a past hurt. the feeling is my heart or my mind trying to keep me safe. I love into my fear and I think it for trying to protect me...then I let it go.

Fear, anxiety it's part of living. It's natural. There will never an absence of fear no more thatn an absence of hunger.

Fear is a warning of danger. Heed it. Many times it has no foundation. Too much or irrational fear is inhibiting. I deal with it. Sometime it gets the best of me. Most of the time I'm OK. I act with confidence and faith in myself when there seems to be no rational cause or source for the fear.

Sometimes it's our lack of confidence or experiance getting the best of us. Someone once told me "when in doubt be bold".

I went spelunking with my son on a Scout campout. I don't like small tight spaces it's a phobia. I pushed myself through those caves until I reached my emotional limit. Cold sweat, panic, hyperventilation. It took all I had to hold myself together.

When we got out an adult asked me why I did this if I was phobic. I looked at my son, who has anxiety issues, and said. "I always told my son to face his fears. So I had to face mine." You should have seen the look on his face. I'm a better person for it, sill phobic , and I think my son is as well.

Good luck and if it is really getting the best of you go see a Dr.

PS It's good that you can talk about this.

Ah, the thing I've spent most of my adult life living with.

I am a very anxious person and have been living with it for as long as I can remember. It was only a few years ago that I discovered it wasn't an average level. So I worked a long time with it. I found for me, it wasn't so much about conquering fears as understanding them.

I went on a Journey once to ask about Fear and it was one of the best explanations for myself that I've heard about fear.. Here's a quote that I wrote for my journal.

Kamizu wrote: I decided to do a journey on this and see what Fox may have to say. But when I approached the meeting place, a bonfire in a small clearing in the dark forest, it wasn’t Fox that was waiting for me, but a Shaman. He smiled at me as I came into the firelight and spoke. His voice was weather-worn, soft, but held the power of authority. And as the conversation went on, he was replaced by other Shaman who took up the thread as if they had been speaking all along.

“Fear in itself is a healthy thing. It is what keeps the lion safe while hunting. But if the lion fears injury so much that she will not even go out to the hunt, she will die anyways. Fear is to be befriended and understood. Respected. He has the capabilities to keep you safe. But fear is fickle, and he likes to play tricks. And if he finds he can get away with it, he’ll control you. Befriend him, know him, understand him, love him, and he will help you.”

All of the Shamans’ totems were predators. The majority of symbols of strength and power are predators. I think that part of the symbolism here is that everyone fears. Even those who have become the very symbol of strength, fear.

Fear is complicated, we often see it as something to "beat" but I feel that's almost avoiding it.

Think of your favorite hero in a movie. They probably showed fear at some point. The idea isn't to remove fear from your psyche, it is more along the lines of not letting it control you.

I myself have an undying fear of spiders,and have every since I saw a banana spider bigger than my head. When I see one my first thought is to lock up and panic, however I have to overcome that strong fear of being near it in order to kill it. Otherwise I have a nasty breeding machine that will create many spiders.

Yes I have in the past let fear control me but now I will not let it control me, I shall overcome my fears by facing them one by one. To think about it, fear does make you feel alive, once upon a time I had a fear of heights and still do to a certain extent but when I worked on a building site I was asked to go up a ladder with some tools in hand 2 stories up, I did not want to look like I was afraid to the other builders so I faced my fears and climbed up that ladder and delivered the tools to my co-worker and afterwoods I felt a surge of energy and when I was asked to go up ladders again I had hardly no fear but just enough to keep myself safe. I still will not be doing any rock climbing any time soon lol.

As it turns out, we're usually not afraid of dangers that we can readily observe. That is, when we can see the spider or the snake or the furious professor/boss/partner/parent -- then we just are prudent and deal. :huh:

Fear is almost always of the horror stories we make up in our minds about what would/could happen. Once we can no longer ... or just don't ... 'see' the spider, snake, enraged professor/boss/partner/parent ... then they're "everywhere" and we turn into a quaking puddle of goo. Or get all aggressive. :S

'Tis just to say that in most cases, "fear" isn't about 'what's here and now' ; it is about what we imagine might be coming next ... :ohmy:

... we're usually wrong.

As a story writer. I just write a heroric story (or tell it to myself mentally)

And as Trisskar approached the x-wing platform, she waves goodbye to her family with a courageous grin "Until next time!" she cheekily shouts her farewells before shoving her helmet overhead and climbs the ladder into the cockpit."

* Real Life: Im at the terminal saying goodbye and boarding the plane to fly across seas and afraid the plane will crash!

Childish? Maybe. But it gets my mind off of the fear and can be a fun exercise in the process