Narcissistic people

For the past 4 years of my life i have been dealing with a very Narcissistic Person. I let this person Push me around and push around my friends. i'm not saying the person is a horrible person but they had become a totally different person that is hurting himself and his closest friends because the person also a hypocrite about their own thoughts..... and I was wondering what everyone's thoughts are about a Narcissistic Hypocrite.... I want to help this person in some way even though i am unable to. But i am tired of him hurting our mutual friends. So any thoughts?

Veltra wrote: For the past 4 years of my life i have been dealing with a very Narcissistic Person. I let this person Push me around and push around my friends. i'm not saying the person is a horrible person but they had become a totally different person that is hurting himself and his closest friends because the person also a hypocrite about their own thoughts..... and I was wondering what everyone's thoughts are about a Narcissistic Hypocrite.... I want to help this person in some way even though i am unable to. But i am tired of him hurting our mutual friends. So any thoughts?

I'm Sorry, very very sorry, this is a tough situation. I been through this severl times.

You can't deal with an abnormal personalty. This person will make you craze stressed out for trying. You can't help or change them. Go on with your life without that person and be prepared he/she will pursue you relentlessly because they can't ever admit they are ever wrong or anything is wrong with them or handle being rejected. It is always the other persons fault.

You will be manipulated until you believe that. Sometimes they are reffered to as toxic people. Run away and take care of your self and any children if any are involved. It's going to be tough, good luck.

I want to help this person in some way even though i am unable

You know what to do. Be strong.

Does this describe theperson?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

This may be some help?

http://www.stop-the-abuse.info/

Dunno if that website is all that great...

Most of us, with our more normal personalities, enter into any relationship hoping for a healthy, supportive, giving partnership where there is lots of mutual understanding, respect, and long lasting fulfillment.

Living in denial. To categorize people into narcissism only to place yourself on the pedestal of normality and selflesness without doing anything particular.... Sounds familiar? Everyone's greedy to an extent. Some simply get more pleasure by giving into it than others.

Narcissism is a term that originated with Narcissus in Greek mythology who fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they're superior to others and have little regard for other people's feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

Currently it is used to describe a person characterized by egotism, vanity, pride, or selfishness.

A hallmark of narcissism is overconfidence. But there's one thing that narcissists can legitimately be confident about: Not all that we assume about narcissism is true. Research psychologist Jean Twenge laid out these seven myths about narcissism, which she and her coauthor identify in their new book, The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement.

1. Narcissism is really high self-esteem. No, it's not. Someone can have really high self-esteem and not be narcissistic. The key difference is that people high in self-esteem focus on relationships and narcissists are missing that piece about caring about relationships. They want to know what other people can do for them, but in terms of having close emotional relationships, they don't care.

2. Deep down, narcissists are insecure and have low self-esteem. People assume that narcissists must be concealing some deep insecurity or they actually hate themselves. But the data don't back it up. Even if you measure self-esteem in a subtle, unconscious way, deep down inside, narcissists think they're awesome. It's important to understand that this is a myth because when people act like jerks and they behave narcissistically, often others will say that the solution is that they really need to boost their self-esteem. Well, that's not going to help. That's exactly their problem.

3. Maybe narcissists have a reason for being narcissistic. This comes up a lot. People think, "Well, maybe narcissists have a reason for being this way." That's not true. When you look at objective measures of intelligence and beauty, narcissists are just like everybody else. They just think they're great. They're legends in their own minds. There are lots of studies on this. My favorite one came out a couple months ago. It was titled "Narcissistic Men and Women Think They Are So Hot, but They Are Not." If you ask narcissists how attractive they think they are or how smart they think they are, they rate themselves high. But when you look at an actual IQ test, or someone else rating their photograph, they're average.

4. A little narcissism is healthy. You have to ask, "Healthy for whom?" Narcissism is basically never healthy for other people. It tends to work out OK for the narcissist in the short term, but in the long term, they end up messing up their relationships at work and at home, and they end up depressed later in life.

5. Narcissism is just physical vanity. Physical vanity is a correlate of narcissism, but there are plenty of other [aspects of narcissism], including materialism, entitlement, antisocial behavior, and problems in relationships.

6. You have to be narcissistic to be successful. Narcissism isn't linked to success. Self-esteem isn't even linked to success. So why do people make this association? It's partly because we think that self-admiration is always good, and it's partly because highly successful narcissists are highly visible, like Donald Trump and Paris Hilton. But there are plenty of people who are successful in those fields who we haven't heard of because they don't have their own TV show with "Money, Money, Money" playing in the theme song. They're just as successful; they're just not on TV.

7. You have to love yourself to love someone else. The reality is that if you love yourself too much, you won't have any left over for anyone else. Again, keep in mind that if you hate yourself and you're really depressed, you're probably not going to be a great relationship partner either. But people with low self-esteem are perfectly good relationship partners most of the time. They can be insecure, but they do care about their partners, unlike people who are narcissistic.

In my opinion, most narcissistic people won’t even realize they’re narcissistic. I know people that seem to really love themselves and are completely convinced in their own superiority. So much that they feel they are above tasks and jobs everyone else has to do and expect to be accepted on sheer awesomeness.

I have never met a narcissistic person that did not display at least some level of hypocrisy. And I don’t think they do it on purpose… I feel they honestly believe they are just that awesome, and don’t need to justify their position with anything more than “because.” Or something to that effect.

How do you deal with them? I don’t really have a good answer. Every narcissist I have ever had to deal with just kind of came with the territory. Like, if you wanted to be there you just had to deal with them because they were there to stay and no one had the guts to stand up to them. Standing up to a narcissist is not really much of an option either because they will go out of their way to smite you in return. And no matter how annoying, rude or just completely out there they seem to be they will have made friends in places where they will have the support they need.

The thing that really gets to you is that they are usually not all that bad as individuals. And when you get to spend time with them one on one, they can be a lot of fun. But as for a way to help them… I really have no clue. And if there were a way to help them I’m not sure they would take it… remember, they are just that awesome!

If they that person is going to be in your life then the best advice I think I can give is to be patient. Let others know what is going on and remember that they are being the best person they know how to be. Other than that, I would have to suggest seeking professional advice from someone experienced in that field.

Good luck and take care… I feel you!

Spot On WW.

Sad but true, if they don't see themselves with a problem you can never help them. I've learned to avoid them and stay off their radar. If they see you as something that can get them something you are as best friend until they get it, then you are of no value. Never criticise or block what they want. Just stay away. They are their oun worst enemy, the house of cards they build will eventually crash down, it may take years and years but their world will crumble around them. I've seen it in business and CEOs over and over.

Where as that was a wonderfu contribution from both of you(Thank you Rock and Sword ), I would like to remind the reading audience it is not a good idea to regularly practice psychological evaluation as a layman. It becomes very easy to fall prey to 1. Misinformation concerning your theories and 2. Dismissing other people over perceived abnormalities.

A professional (ideally) studies the human mind continuosly through out their life, coupling accumulated interaction, experience and education to accurately evaluate a persons mental state. Reading a few books on pop psychology(and I'm not accusing anyone in particular) and suddenly seeing traits of the one affliction covered in everyone someone sees(or just people one regulary disagrees with) should be a give away that its just a hobby or light interest. A person has no business making rash assumptions like that. Doing so changes one's outlook and behavior toward a person and they don't deserve that more often than not. For me its a form of willful ignorance, which I have a distaste for(and I'm guilty of it as well).

As far as the original problem brought up, its very simple: You can be around them or you can not be around them. Sometimes that status changes. Sometimes it never does. Some think their friend is worth it. Some think themselves are worth it more. IF I'm constantly stressed when I'm around someone a son't be around them. If I miss them, I go back and accept the stress as the price of being around them. OR sometimes we never see each other again, save in passing.

Hah! Sort of like smoking :whistle:

Veltra said

i have been dealing with a very Narcissistic Person

I'm not labeling anyone. The discription of a Narcissistic personality disorder is accurate. Weither this person fits the profile only Veltra can say or a person with experience with this personality type.

Narcissistic personality disorder is serious and a lot more prevalent then most people realize as it hides in very charming and attractive people. My formal education is in Psychology and Sociology. I have been exposed to and have worked with people with this disorder. It's sad.

Looks like I've been confusing narcissism with some kind of hardcore (greedy) egocentrism.


I must say however Wescli that this list of yours seems to contradict itself. 1: It is a myth that narcissists have high self esteem. 2: It is a myth that narcissists have very low self esteem?

Did I misread something? lol