Sorrow...yet Serenity?

This past Friday, a collection of saddening events boiled over into a maelstrom at my household and what started off as a good day turned into one of confusion and conflict...

A bit of backstory: I have been in a relationship with a fine, intelligent and incredible young woman for the past 8 months. Due to my family's structure, we have been tightly knit with curfews, family-specific days and other forms of overprotectiveness as the years wore on. Seeing as I spend my Friday's and some time on the weekends with my girlfriend or other friends from school instead of with the family, my parents and younger sisters have become jealous of my interactions with others. Take this jealous streak and my family ties into account as this plays out....

Friday morning, we (being my sisters and myself) had the day off of school due to a Professional Activity Day taking place for the teaching staff for our various educational institutions. I had initially woken up early in the morning for rowing practice and the day went very well up until the evening. We had helped my cousin move into to her new appartment and went about doing other things all day as a means of taking our minds off of stress, a recent death in the family and to stay away from homework. After a hard day of work, I had seemingly a night of freedom to enjoy in my books, with my friends, with my girlfriend or with other studies. As it were, my parents had already agreed to me going out midway through the week, and after showering, I went downstairs to confirm plans for the evening. As I begin discussion with my father, who said that I was free to have the car and head out for dinner and a movie with the girlfriend, my mother walked in and instead told me that I had to cook for our relatives that were making a surprise visit. Suddenly, I felt a sense of dread as had just texted my girlfriend to say that I would be coming down to pick her up and head to dinner shortly when my mother mad the announcement. I felt cheated, sad and frustrated that plans were turned on their head. On the other hand, I was happy to see the family and also felt concern for how attached I was to my plans, my friends and my girlfriend in particular. Realizing that I should only accept the situation and apologize for the cancellation and upset tone I took, I called my girlfriend and she understood the nature of things. Of course, my emotions initially got the better of me and my sorrow was felt as we spoke via the telephone before I came to peace with things and my girlfriend provided me with comfort. I then apologized to the parents for getting so upset, and a strange sense of sanctuary and peace came over me despite the pain I felt for being adverse to family time while also being upset due to the cancellation. I meditated on the matter when I had some time for solitude after supper and conversation. ...And the sense of serenity did not escape me despite the negativity I continued to feel.

Did acceptance of the situation, coming to peace with those involved, understanding emotions as they flowed and reflecting upon my attachments and situation lead me to feel this bliss through sorrow? Does such a revelation make sense?

Just yesterday, my parents apologized to me and let me have a night out with the girlfriend, of which we both enjoyed at an Italian restaurant, and things seem to not have left a divisive scar in any of my relations. As they say, one kind gesture befalls another as sure as an eye for an eye comes as a result of misunderstanding. ..Maybe fate, serenity through sorrow and reflection with a cool head led me to feel this "peace"?

If anyone can perhaps provide some guidance, clarification and perhaps some take on this, it would be greatly appreciated!

Cheers!

~Lorian~

An interesting article that I dug up that touches on a similar aspect of making peace with sadness and finding clarity in your situation. While the story here is much more saddening and I fully support the parents decisions and actions, I think the concepts found in my tale and theirs (that of coming to accept a situation, learn from it, reflect and enjoy what is instead of what could have been) makes this a worthwhile read for those interested.

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2010/11/16/1841721/99-minutes-a-life-a-legacy.html

That was a very interesting read. Those parents were so brave. I never could have done that.

But I can relate to you in that, after making peace with something sorrowful, a sense of utter calm washes over you. My own experience is a bit skewed, but I think I know what you mean.

I've found that it's often easier not to brood on sad things, and instead to accept that sad things happen, and then move on. But then again, it definitely depends on what kind of thing the "sad thing" is.

I mean no disrespect lorian as I do not know you nor your family, but from what you have described I would not also describe it as a 'maelstrom'...

You made plans, your parents said you had to change them, you did what your parents said, kind of enjoyed that in some way and apologised to your girlfriend who was understanding... After you got to spend time with her after your parents gave permission due to the surprise visit...

That all seems fairly reasonable to me...

Again please forgive me... but what is the problem? It just seemed to me that you made this out to be terrible and... it doesn't look like it was at all...

How he perceived it and an objective viewpoint may not coincide. I know many people who "make mountains out of mole hills." Who was it that said something along the lines of "making hell a heaven and heaven a hell"?

Indeed, my views were quite biased as the tale is told in a very subjective fashion. My family has a history of changing plans at the last second, conflicting with one another over just about everything and things can be a wee hectic due to everyone being quite stubborn, Akkarin. Shouting matches, disagreements and even simple things can become quite heated, yet I suppose that this occurrence is not quite such an event.

Rugadd has very much touched upon the subjectivity of what I wrote, and I think that my perception of events plays to my best attempts at understanding emotions. As I am still learning, I realize that the situations and experiences that come to me may seem worse or better than they are, so I apologize for perhaps being too vague with the family issues or too "personalized" in my way of explaining things.

There are other family matters that I will keep private as I do not wish to get anyone involved in such folly. If this helps in your viewing of my rather subjective experience, then I am glad to have shared it

Jealousy, unfortunately, plays a key role in the workings of my family and often causes things to change. It is indeed something that the family needs to discuss as a whole before I head off to university next year.

So, on the topic of finding peace despite feeling upset....can is it normal to feel this way after coming to accept one's situation?

And again, it is always a matter of perception, is it not?

(For those who enjoy philosophy, can objective "reality" truly exist?)

Your basically asking if its normal to feel at peace after coming to peace with something...so, I'd say yes. Can you feel more than one emotion at a time? Yes. Generally confusing, but possible.

rugadd wrote: Your basically asking if its normal to feel at peace after coming to peace with something...so, I'd say yes. Can you feel more than one emotion at a time? Yes. Generally confusing, but possible.

More or less

Did I expect to come to peace with things as quickly as I did?

Not really...

However, I thank you for helping me to realize that I am not slowly falling into insanity

Now, it would make sense for it to take a while longer to come to peace with other situations that are more severe, correct?

Else does this acceptance always come quickly?

It would probably be unique to each person, from what I reckon, due to our unique interpretation, experiences and emotions...

It has become apparent to me that a sense of peace comes when you fully come to terms with what has occurred. When you accept the situation for what it was and have had the time to reflect on it. This, however, doesn't necessarily mean having no emotion. If you stifle the emotion from a situation so you can pretend to come to terms with it then a sense of peace may never come, as you have blocked yourself off from the situation instead of coming to terms with it. So it is very normal to still feel the emotion from a situation and to feel upset yet to have the sense of peace that comes from acknowledgement and understanding of your prior predicament.

Perhaps it is time for self-acknowledgment here. I mean on your part. If it typicall takes you more time to find peace with something like this which seems simple to many of us, perhaps this is showing that you are gaining control of your emotions. Perhaps your study in the training program or your understanding of the Force is helping you to progress on your journey? Maybe it is time to acknowledge your progress instead of believing you are insane. Trust yourself. May the Force be with you.
Leena