My drug addiction

  • Kawda Dopor
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20 Apr 2012 18:13 #56949 by Kawda Dopor
My drug addiction was created by Kawda Dopor
It seems it has gripped the very fabrics of my being. It whispers to me before bed, before I brush my teeth, while I'm in the shower, while I'm reading, while I'm writing, While I'm playing my guitar, while my band is on stage, while I am in the throes of work it calls to me and is the unstoppable force that ultimately drives me to my destruction.

I want to stop but I wonder if I even could. Without it I feel powerless.

The first time I took any form of opiates was when I first played a gig in a small town called Kimball. It was an underground music fest, and a lot of drugs were passed around after my show. Thing is the party literally didn't end till 5 in the morning and everything started up again around 11 am. It was a three day event full of booze, pot, and all sorts of different drugs.

I even started a relationship with a chick who was addicted to pain pills, her name is Jen and she really pushed me with the crap. She got me into taking hydrocodones, jellies, morphine, oxycodone and most recently Ecstasy.

While I'm on and off it I feel so irritable.

I'm on the path of trying to ween myself away from these opiates, as they are too controlling of my life. Without them I feel almost a sense of powerlessness but I think without them life will turn to a better direction.

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20 Apr 2012 18:52 #56950 by Jestor
Replied by Jestor on topic My drug addiction
Let me quote what i put on facebook as a Temple post...

"Immediately the resolution to walk a higher path is made, temptation and trial begin. Men have found that no sooner have they decided to lead a truer and nobler life than they have been overwhelmed with such a torrent of new temptations and difficulties as make their position almost unendurable, and many men, because of this, relinquish their resolution."

~James Allen~

You and the strength you need, are in my thoughts...

On walk-about...

Sith ain't Evil...
Jedi ain't Saints....

"Bake or bake not. There is no fry" - Sean Ching

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20 Apr 2012 19:09 #56951 by Harvestpaw
Replied by Harvestpaw on topic My drug addiction
You are in my thoughts. I sincerely hope you find the strength to conquer addiction. It's no easy road and I am sure you know that. Have you thought about seeking professional help? There is no shame in asking for help when one really needs it.

May the Force be with you.

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20 Apr 2012 19:14 #56954 by Wescli Wardest
Replied by Wescli Wardest on topic My drug addiction
Only you know the direction your life needs to go and only you can get it there. You are in my thoughts and prayers... and you have my support.

May you have courage in your journey, and...
May the Force be with you my friend.

Monastic Order of Knights

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  • Reliah
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20 Apr 2012 19:46 #56957 by Reliah
Replied by Reliah on topic My drug addiction
I've been down a similar-ish road before, myself. I wish I had advice or guidance to give to you that might be of some value, but I honestly don't. That's a rough place to be and is so unique to each person in it. What I can offer is an ear, as I'm sure everyone else will offer as well.

Master Jestors quote was spot on. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. I couldn't do it alone because of how difficult it actually was.

Everyone else said it, and I will too: My thoughts are with you.

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  • Kawda Dopor
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20 Apr 2012 21:24 #56975 by Kawda Dopor
Replied by Kawda Dopor on topic My drug addiction
Ty everyone for your advice and thanks Jestor for the quote. All of you helped me quite a lot just now, which is very strange for me to say. I want to stop because I need to. I do not like objects to have any control over me whatsoever and I feel that if I continue down this path it will lead me somewhere I don't want to be.

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  • Daniel L.
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20 Apr 2012 21:58 #56983 by Daniel L.
Replied by Daniel L. on topic My drug addiction
Your in a tough spot. Only by making new healthy habits will you be able to kick the old ones. Beat the cause not the effect. The only thing i can foresee is that you'll have to change so much of who you are in order to go back to who you were because only the person you were can make a positive change.

I wish you the best of luck. We call gotta die of something. Most of us wont get to choose how, when, or why but at least we can try to choose what NOT to die from.

May The Force Be With You.

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21 Apr 2012 00:00 - 21 Apr 2012 00:14 #57003 by Adder
Replied by Adder on topic My drug addiction
Good luck Kawda Dopor, you might have to consider changing the circles you hang with which can be a bummer if you don't want to do that, but the best way to avoid temptation is to not have any - in my experience. Hope you find the strength you need.

Knight ~ introverted extropian, mechatronic neurothealogizing, technogaian buddhist. Likes integration, visualization, elucidation and transformation.
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Last edit: 21 Apr 2012 00:14 by Adder.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Wescli Wardest

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21 Apr 2012 13:05 #57056 by Alethea Thompson
Replied by Alethea Thompson on topic My drug addiction
My most recent "academic" project has been writing a meditation journal for Force Academy (and will be publishing it). During the first six months I had to look up a variety of different meditative techniques. Mantras seem to be a good focusing technique to help overcome habits, though addictions may bemore difficult.

My suggestion is to try doing a mantra when you wake up and one before you go to bed. If you need to, throw in one around lunch. The mantrahas to be related to the addiction, and should not change. If you say "No more opiates", later you cannot say "Opiates are of the devil".

If you are religious you can make the mantra include your deity (if you happen to be pagan, you may look up a deity that helps overcome addiction). Just ensure your mantra is easy enough to remember, but it may be As long as...say...a "Hail Mary" prayer. And remember to not just recite the words, imagine your life WITHOUT those drugs, that is the life you want to align yourself with.

The idea behind this, is that you are trying to condition your mind for your future self (I imagine it, I begin to act like I am that imagination, I become my vision-as long as it is reasonable, I do not buy "The Secret", but do believe in basics of Psychology), as opposed to simply wanting to get rid of an addiction that is considered a problematic issue here and now.

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21 Apr 2012 14:31 #57068 by Kawda Dopor
Replied by Kawda Dopor on topic My drug addiction
I appreciate your suggestion however the kinds of drugs i take took a toll on my system and without opiates my body goes through different stages of withdrawals when I don't take the pills. I'm currently going through the withdrawals. I do quite a lot of meditating at the moment and just trying to get my mind off the matter competently.

These withdrawals are extreme though, it's not just a matter of mind over and body. I just shut myself in my house and have no communication with the outside world while I am going through the different stages I'm currently going through.

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