Do you have a loved one that has a mental illness?

I noticed a couple of people suggesting therapy, but just like medication, you have to remember that it simply isn't for everyone. It's perfectly fine to suggest it, but if your girlfriend is introverted in nature (like I am), it can actually do more harm than good. Mental illness is different for every single person, and so the treatment has to be different too.

Fenton wrote: I noticed a couple of people suggesting therapy, but just like medication, you have to remember that it simply isn't for everyone. It's perfectly fine to suggest it, but if your girlfriend is introverted in nature (like I am), it can actually do more harm than good. Mental illness is different for every single person, and so the treatment has to be different too.

While I appreciate the sentiment, I will disagree with you here. Therapy--good therapy--is about helping you learn how you process your emotions and thoughts currently, and how you can learn to process them in more healthy ways in the future. That's a skill everyone needs, in my opinion.

steamboat28 wrote:

Fenton wrote: I noticed a couple of people suggesting therapy, but just like medication, you have to remember that it simply isn't for everyone. It's perfectly fine to suggest it, but if your girlfriend is introverted in nature (like I am), it can actually do more harm than good. Mental illness is different for every single person, and so the treatment has to be different too.

While I appreciate the sentiment, I will disagree with you here. Therapy--good therapy--is about helping you learn how you process your emotions and thoughts currently, and how you can learn to process them in more healthy ways in the future. That's a skill everyone needs, in my opinion.

In my case, it unfortunately caused me to regress further, and my doctor has cited it as the worst decision he made for me. The real problem isn't therapy itself, but when you force people who desperately don't want to go, to attend regardless. A kind of 'go or we'll have you institutionalized' mindset. In short, therapy is not inherently bad, just as medication is not, but it should be done at the will of the person involved, not their family or friends. Forced therapy will not help. People may also accept to go out of a want to make others happy, so the patient's intent must first be deduced before action.

My fiance has been diagnosed with anxiety issues (I'm sure there's a better word) and ADHD. The toughest part for me is that growing up my father taught me (not explicitly mind you, just through actions) that both of those things are simply weakness. That people with anxiety just don't have the strength to deal with their problems and ADHD is an excuse for bad parenting. This causes a lot of tension between my fiance and myself when she has anxiety attacks because, as much as I know in my head that it's a real problem that she can't just make go away, there's still that part of me that just doesn't understand what's going on and still sees it as a weakness that should have been trained out of her long ago. My reaction to people I meet with depression is somewhat similar.

Please note that I do know that that view point is wrong and I am currently doing everything I can to train myself out of that feeling.

What I've learned from dealing with this is that the best thing that you can do is be there. Sometimes they don't want you to be, some of those times you should leave and some of those times you should stay, the hard part is figuring out which is which. That's different for everyone. You have to find triggers, both good and bad. Then you can avoid the bad triggers and try to set off the good ones.

Example, my fiance absolutely hates seeing dirty dishes, even if I'm abviously still eating the dinner that was made in those dishes. She's also convinced that shes the only one that ever does the dishes even though that's not true. If I know that she's had a bad day at work the first thing I do when I get home is do the dishes.

Also, if we've been at home all day on a weekend she freaks out, so I make sure that every time we have a full day off we get out of the house, even if it's just for a walk. (I think that she's mildly claustrophobic and being enclosed for too long freaks her out).

One of the hardest aspects of this is that your efforts will not be recognized every time, but you have to remember that you do it for them and not for yourself. Seeing them feel better should be it's own reward. I also hole heartedly agree with Burn Pheonix. Be sure to take time for yourself.

Good luck.

I had a mental illness myself, 10 years of endogenous depression. I vanquished my dp totally at summer 2013. I say this without any doubt because my goal through dp was not only to overcome it totally, but to know it completely, too - so that I will have confidence to move on after it and live without fear of 'comeback'.

I've written on it several times here:
[1] my dp background
[2] my dp summary (BTW, I advise you to read the whole thread)

I can only advise from ex-depressed person's point of view. My advises may seem harsh. That is because dp was survival thing for me. I hadn't had the luxury of not going to work or study. Conquest of dp was ultimately the key to simple survival at some points: I could not hope to stay idle. My illness was not recognized to be true by my relatives for 3 or 5 years. And governmental aid in Russia in this case is of two types - either you only have receipts for pills (and nothing else) or you're declared a completely nuts person who is to be an expel.

Advise:

1) It is very positive to have someone around when going through the dark. Someone who tries to understand, who guides through pain time-to-time and occasionally may give an insight.

2) There should be some borders set, otherwise depressed person will drain your energy. I sort of exploited other people's psychological buffers when only could. I regret it, but I do not know how else I could survive. It is up to you to establish some rules and manage your resources.

3) I really suffered when close people misunderstood my state. Sometimes it was worse than being alone. I advise to read some book on how to aid a depressed person and may be another on depression itself. I know no published material good enough to guide through depression or help to understand it totally. But you can get a shallow understanding. I don't know whether it would help me when I was depressed, but works of Campbell based on Freud and Jung teach a language of psyche. It is of big need to have a common language in this vague matter.

4) You have to be ready that it may take years to recover. And it will be a bumpy ride - depression. You should face the question of whether you are resourceful enough to withstand being a companion on such travel. Not all people decide to fight illness. Some give up. Don't let this happen, otherwise you won't be able to do anything from the outside. Don't let the fire inside your loved one to diminish. Seek the spark of it. Ignite it.

5) Have faith in your loved one. Depressed person doesn't have it most of the time. You should have double faith.

6) Don't let the illness crawl through your own mental barriers. Recognize it. Know it. Study it. Fight the black "aura" a depressive person creates. Stay positive.

7) Be strict with your loved one. Do not pity. Love. And love is sometimes tough. Sometimes depressied person needs rest and space for thought. But more often he/she requires discipline, strict guidance, training. The ultimate virtue of companion is not to be a warm-loving-embrace, but a rough coach. Why rough? Because your 'patient' will not be willing to do anything often. That's not his true will to be passive. It's depression hijacking his will. Don't fight your loved one, fight depression within.

There is a not-so-bad psychology community tinybuddha.com. I don't know if it would help me in dp, but now it does. And it has people with experience of dp. To share this experiences is very important.

9) Psychotheraphy and pills are important. But deep depressions can not be won without spiritual heroism. And no one can do it for the depressed person. It is a dark journey, yet it is a hero's journey. I think, reading Campbell is a must - both for you (if you haven't yet) and for your loved one if only you can 'sell' it.

I know that depressions differ. But I think I know many generic things about how to overcome dp. Please, don't hesitate to message me for more info if you find this post of any value. It is my call to bring as much light as possible from the dark that I extinguished in myself.