Do you have a loved one that has a mental illness?

My girlfriend was diagnosed last year with major depressive disorder. She used to be really sad all the time, now she gets frustrated with little things and has sad moments every once in a while. She always wants to stay in bed and sleep, or not want to do anything. She sometimes won't tell me why she is sad because she doesn't want to talk about it so I feel so helpless a lot of the time.

I do things for her that she does not have he motivation to do like tidy her room, make her bed, wash the dishes etc. but it is difficult to spend time taking care of myself when she needs my help all the time.

Does anyone have any experiences or advice that they want to share? I don't meditate as much as I want because of it.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I when I was 10 years old, Tourettes syndrome at 8, and OCD at 6.

I spent the past 15 years on medication, which is to say I have spent over half my life on medication. I did not get to grow up, or have a normal childhood because my weak minded (incapable) parents took the medical counsel of a profession which had no scientific reasearch put into it, and was based entirely on unexplored theory.

They put me on medications that they didn't understand, that the "doctors" didn't understand.

I had a horribly abusive childhood in every sense you could imagine. Sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse. Out of shame, anger, resentment, and fear I kept these things bottled up and never told anyone about them until this year.

I do not believe that mental illness is caused by a chemical imbalance, I think the problem is so much more complex than that. I think it's a combination of repressed desires, repression of accepting and dealing with abuse, of not being able or not desiring to be part of the mainstream world (yet lacking the courage to leave it).

I think medications are a slap-fix. They are designed to help keep you alive until you grow some balls, and face your demons. I didn't want to deal with my molestation, with the beatings I got on an almost daily basis, with the constant reminder that I was not special, that I was an entitled piece of shit, that I was weak and worthless, and that I was a burden to those around me.

Its very much a case of leading a horse to water - you can bring it there, but you can't force it to drink. If someone is unwilling to face their darkest memories, their demons, their own hell - your offers of help will be pointless and wasted.

Our society ranks highest in the world on rates of mental illness, and people will run for the hills - do ANYTHING to avoid acknowledging that our self-centered, materialistic, narcissistic culture could have any part to play in that.

And this pisses off any aspiring psychiatrist I have ever talked to (even on TOTJO), because they don't want to acknowledge their own horrid part of the equation either.

In many respects I agree with Kohadre... having had OCD and depression, I only got over those things from pure will.. the medication I got for depression only 'levelled out' my emotions, they didn't solve the cause.
I'm not sure that every mental illness is controllable by will alone, but I do believe we shouldn't be throwing pills at people at every turn.

My fiance had depression, and my only advice to you is to try and encourage your girlfriend to speak with therapist. I know that it probably feels to her like the only thing she can be bothered with is to sit inside with her sadness.. the only way to really get over depression is to try and first understand why, and then work to overcome it.

If you want to talk about it, my inbox is open.

That was very moving Kohadre

You are right on so many levels. Our society hides when the subject of mental illness comes up, and doctors and psychiatrists just give you whatever pill that's on the market and move on to their next patient so that they can get their paycheck and go to their expensive home and cookie cutter family.

It almost seems like the advocates for mental illness and abuse are people who have experienced it first hand and live to tell the tale. Mental illness is much more complex than most people think, and it's an ever constant challenge for outsiders to learn and help because it is never constant.

Thank you for sharing Kohadre, it brings hope to know that you are open to discuss your tragic experiences because I know how difficult it is to share this sort of stuff; especially in this society. Keep fighting the good fight

Edan wrote: My fiance had depression, and my only advice to you is to try and encourage your girlfriend to speak with therapist. I know that it probably feels to her like the only thing she can be bothered with is to sit inside with her sadness.. the only way to really get over depression is to try and first understand why, and then work to overcome it.

She saw one last year (who was really great), took a few months off and started with a new one for the new year. So far it's going alright, she has only had two sessions but I have hope that she will progress further with it. I saw a therapist when I was younger and it worked wonders for me.

I will definitely inbox you when I need advice

I had no intention of sharing this until kahadre opened up with his.story
thank you for doing that

I was institutionalized when I was 11
some of you may remember the commercials "if you dont get help at Charter, please, get help somewhere"

I didnt have to face the monster of generation rx
I was born in 80 so I made it out before that really caught on
but iwas placed in special ed for my short and uninspiring academic career which ended during my second tour of the tenth graede. I was informed it was no longer necessary for me to contine coming to school
since I really wasnt going to school anyway I agreed ready with the sentimet

my dysfunctional family also faced sexual.abuse
physical and psychological abuse
poverty and the peripherial violence that comes with it, untimely death, and general stupidity

I.started booze and drugs before high school
iwaz a severe alcoholic by 22
I became a heroin addict in at about 31 and PAINFULLY transitioned into being a methamphetamene addict at 33

also a pack+ a day cigarette smoker which I can say is the worst of all in some ways.

I am now 34 (will be 35 this year) and drug and alcohol free as well as having no mental illness (except.for being just a little bit crazy) and I can tell you that the article in the UNDERSTANDING ADDICTION thread hit it pretty well from what I read

I left everything behind me just like that <snap>

but the two elements which allowed me to do this were

1) I allowed myself to accept the possibility thst everything about me was actually perfect. this sounds weird but its not
I had huge self loathing and self esteem issues
I had vast amounts of resentment and rage
I.was as a disease to myself and others even though I have been studying jedi wisdom my whole life

first I imagined that it was possible that one day I might MAYBE be able to CONSIDER that COULD BE perfect

I mean I removed myself from perfection by several steps because I could not accept it
but eventually I realised that all the crappy things I feel dont change thst I am as I was supposed.to be

im. not sure I can explain this but the only way to recover from anything is to know.that youre perfect
you werent damaged in any way and you havent damaged anybody in any way
your light is perfect and sufficient in and of itself

any program that does not establish this foundation either overtly or implicitly has huge potential to collapse when life and stress and rejection and "failure" occur.

2) I moved
I.left texas. I got to florida where my mother lives in the day after thanksgiving
I brought a backback. that was it. I was living on the streets for the last 3-4 yrs anyway and I became relatively comfortable with thd idea.of.losing STUFF
it really really is JUST STUFF

it is not possible to leave or lose anything thst you really need
its only possible to lose sight of it

recovery REQUIRES a CONTEXTUAL SUBSTITTUTION

not necessarily saying you have to walk away from everything forever
but you DO have to walk away from everything forever

3) rebuild contextual reality
once accepting the sufficiency of ones light one has thr courage to leave everything behind
but.if you dont substitute the old context with a. new one yiu will.repeat the context you.have
im staying with my mother now but I have a plan for my life which includes formal jedi course material and incolvement a well as pursuit of SCUBA whichnis going to open many awesome opportunities in their time.
I am going go get back in to martial arts as I am.able. I. already making some proggeess in my self training and anyway I grew up with violence and violent people. I dont know how many times ive. been arrested. I have a perspective on violence which compared to that of a soldier or at the very least a police officer because to me its a real life everyday actuality
not so much NOW
but I really missformal training and its an important part of .my future

i have zero desire to use any drug
I cant MAKE MYSELF drink a beer
every now.and again I momentarily crave a cigarette
this one I just have to use logic and self love
I have DECIDED not to smoke any more now thst I am free
I know it would be oppening a door that is not worth going through

if anyone ever feels like speaking with me I am much friendlier in PM theres nothing you can say thst I will think low of because I have been low enough to see how easy it is to sink
also I know how to.fly

Do you have a loved one that has a mental illness?

Yes. Me.

It's hard, really, to give you any advice. When I'm "sad" I mostly want to simultaneously be left alone, but reminded that people are there for me if I need them. When I'm completely apathetic, I just want something that seems important to me at the time. But everyone's different, so I can just suggest those as general places to start.

I'm not sure how your girlfriend would respond, because I don't know her, but often when people do the things "I can't" because I'm in a spell, I'm relieved that I don't have to spend the effort, but it fuels a kind of self-disappointment that I couldn't buck up and do the thing myself.

Depression sucks. Really hard. I'm sorry I wasn't more helpful.

Having lived with two different wives, both of which have suffered post-natal depression and lead to full on depression my main advice to you is to make sure you look after yourself. Remind your girlfriend that she is not alone and you are there for her when she needs you, but don't neglect yourself. You'll be no use to her if you're burning yourself out trying to help.

It might seem counter productive but just giving yourself a break from it for a day, or a few hours if it's serious, to do something for yourself can do wonders for you and by default for her too.

Mental illnesses never affect just the diagnosed person, it also affects those closest to them and the impact it has on them is often overlooked.

Take care and I hope things improve

actually I have sometthing more relevant to add

sometimes medication can be helpful
its a bad idea to just take ANYONES word for anything.
drs are a mixed bag like everyone else
I highly recommend therapy
the therapeutic process at its heart is no more than a safe place to examine internal realities with the assisted perspective of an uninvolved healthy psyche to offer tested or at least intelligently considered feedback.

often times people experience an upsurge just as a result of a therapeutic environment.

I like to view sadness as being something that has absolutely zero to do with me

sometimes I just feel really sad

sometim theres a trigger and its stupid how easy I can shift into deep sadness from the most seemingly mundane of triggers

either way it FEELS like it came out of nowhere

in these moments I remember that sadness descends upon a person unawares from the outside
it doesnt have anything to do with the person. youre just hanging out and sadness shows up and latches on.

the FEELNG is not the person
and it will move on eventually

I also will sit down and examine it
I challenge it to explain ittself
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? I ask the sadness
I dont ask myself this question
I have nothing to do with it
sadness came and tried to sink my battleship and I have a right to ask it why

I dont argue with it
I dont judge it or say that its wrong or shouldnt be here
in fact if t really needs a place to be then ok but I want an explanation

there have been times when this alone has made me feel way better

also I do my best to remember that the simple definition for addiction is anything to which one clings against ones better judgement

often sadness is a HABBIT
just like any habbit its easy to get into thegroove of sadness because its familiar

in fact its kind of like an addcitiob because I could neverSTOP its onelf themajor reasons for my substabce abuse
I could medicate a good mood
but the real deal is that the habbit must ultimately be dealt with soberly and consciously
and the battle isnt to deny it or to escape it
its to make it justify itself
thats one of the ways sadness gets us
because we get tricked emotionally into thinking the sadness is fair or deserved or reasonable
its usually not reasonable and its never FAIR or deserved
no matter whatt it tries to say to the contrary.


the best way to whoop it is to build ones life so that when it shows up we're already busy with something we prefer
then when it makes its move we make it justify itself
why are you bothering me?

this is important
its NOT "why am I sad?"

its "why is sadness bothering me?"
ttrace it to its source

then do something else
do something FOR SOMEONE ELSE
this really helps a lot
I mean 99% of all sadness will go away if you do things for other people

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE
big thing with depression is that "sink into the bottom of the world" feeling

99% of sadness can be shed by a good 30 minute workout

plus our bodies need sunlight
badly
your body itself will feel better after 30-45 minutes of sunlight
in fact I dare you to spend an hour in the sun next time youre depressed
sunlight alone breaks up about 85% of all sadness

lastly there is a lifestyle choice which was explained to me as having a Path with Heart

a path with heart is a committment to an activity that one really loves or thinks they would love for no reason other than the enjoymnt one feels when doing it

it is not possible for a destructive activity to be a path with heart
paths usually have a direction and some kind of destination or accomplishment
getting high is just getting high
its not much of a destination and ots definitely not any kind of accomishment

paths are active or interactive
you may enjoy listening to music but the path with heart of music is to make music
listeningnto.music and allowing it to guide ones emotions or thoughts is PART of the musical path
but its the least fortifying part. MAKING art is more enriching than RECIEVING art
that being said I want to express that even something as simple as listeningn to really good music can help.a lot.

heres the test I use to determine "really good music" for these purposes; if you can listen to a song and NOT SMILE its not "really good" for you

its best to have some of this ready on hand but the act of searching it out can help.deal with the sadness too

lastly if I didnt express it well I want to sayDO ANYTHING
except stare in to a screeen
but maybe something in thatcan help u too
the important thing is you have to force yourself to move in a predetermined direction
choose to so something and then do it

whatever that movement is it served as reinforcement to yourself that YOU are the one in charge

that feeling alone will also eliminate about 99% of.all sadness

if youve done all of that and youre still sad then youve definitely beeen hit by the SADNESS THAT ROAMS THE UNIVERSE
theres nothing to do but immserse yourself in your path and your service and stay busy
it will pass

steamboat28 wrote: Depression sucks. Really hard. I'm sorry I wasn't more helpful.

No you were plenty help, it's always good to hear what it's like from the other side of things