bullied

I've being bullied. What should i do? Fight of not?

if possible avoid fighting, inform either parents,or teachers. you can also try avoiding where the bullies hang out...the first option should always be not to fight as fighting is a result of a communication breakdown...you can also try having a laugh at yourself if they try insulting you as this will give them the impression that what they are doing doesn't bother you(even though it may)...think about this, most bullies are cowards and/or feel weak which is why they pick on people smaller then them, others do so because they are arrogant and think that no one can do anything to stop them.

the choice to fight or not is entirely up to you, but always remember that every decision has a consequence as does every action, and you must be prepared to face the consequences otherwise why make the decision or take the action...

RyuJin wrote:

if possible avoid fighting, inform either parents,or teachers. you can also try avoiding where the bullies hang out...the first option should always be not to fight as fighting is a result of a communication breakdown...you can also try having a laugh at yourself if they try insulting you as this will give them the impression that what they are doing doesn't bother you(even though it may)...think about this, most bullies are cowards and/or feel weak which is why they pick on people smaller then them, others do so because they are arrogant and think that no one can do anything to stop them.

the choice to fight or not is entirely up to you, but always remember that every decision has a consequence as does every action, and you must be prepared to face the consequences otherwise why make the decision or take the action...

Also, I might add.... Try talking to the bully one-on-one. Not surrounded by a group of others. I have actually used all of these and they do not all work for all situations. But, I have found that a one-on-one conversation actually works best. As does talking to a person you trust, and asking them to be a go-between.

And as Ryujin said, actual fighting is a last resort.

Good Luck...

-MTFBWU-

To add onto 'if possible avoid fighting' let me tell you something. I myself used to be bullied. I was short and fat and that made me a target. The second I fought back though it started a sequence... Not only did the original bully want to fight me, but so did all of his friends. It came to a point where I was fighting almost every day just to protect myself. one day they all tried to jump me at once, they succeeded.I went to the hospital because they, and the rest of there gang, tried to kill me. I still believe it could have all been avoided, but once I balled my fists that first time I had already written the end of that chapter in my life.

Humor is the best way (In my oppinion) to stave of a bullies attacks/insults/etc. But I have to agree that you should try to talk to your bully in a one-on-one situation.

I know I'm just an initiate, but if you want to talk to me more personally because I've been through it myself, please send me a private message.

quite true, like you i know from experience that sometimes when you do fight back it only brings on more fights.... my first 3 years of school i was beat up 2-3 times a day everyday. after learning martial arts, the first time i defended myself successfully all the other trouble makers decided they wanted to fight me too which led to a lot more fights. over time people began leaving me alone...

I had a completely different experience in my childhood. I was bullied constantly by an individual on my street. One day, I decided I'd had enough and I drilled him right in the mouth. We scuffled for a bit and went our separate ways. Never got bullied by him again. Not saying it will always end up like that, but for the most part, bullies are looking for easy targets so don't be an easy target.

Sometimes violence is a last resort, sometimes it's a good deterrent.

welcome to totjo mindas,

very true most bullies do look for what they consider to be easy targets...and it's also true that violence should be a last resort but can sometimes be a good deterrent....there's an old saying:\"power perceived is power achieved\"....sometimes a display of firepower is enough to keep trouble at bay....look at the cold war....

Another Quote:

\"Violence may not be the best option, but it is still an option.....\"

and

\"It is not how many times you get knocked down, but how many times you get back up.....\"

and per Bruce Wayne's dad,

\"Why do we fall? To learn to pick ourselves up\"

another would be: \" true strength is in getting back up one more time than you were knocked down\"

Some more would be:

\"Karate is about sente.\" - Choki Motobu (sente means striking first)
\"Walk softly and carry a big stick.\" - Teddy Roosevelt

And lastly, my favorite:
\"Those who say violence is a last resort haven't resorted to enough of it.\" - unknown

:laugh:

Opps...

The quote is supposed to go:

\"If violence is your last resort, you haven't resorted to enough of it.\"

Still funny.

MuhammadZaim wrote:

I've being bullied. What should i do? Fight of not?

Maybe a good start would be to ask yourself what is this or these persons so afraid of? And why am I asking myself this question? You may be surprised that you all have more in common than you thought.

I say fight with words, I was bullied for years until I made the bully feel so small and pathetic (which he is)by picking out flaws in his character and rubbing his face in them until he backed down, that he never bothered me again.

I was bullied and teased from 3rd grade unti junior year of high school. I fought back when physically confronted,
But I found most people /bullies would form packs and follow me home. I don't ever recommend violence, but one day
I had had enough and -meaning to simply knock them out- I didn't back down when a bully ( who was twice my size on the weastling team) got in my face. Instead I punched him in the face but struck his throat full force by accident. Needless to say he collapsed ( more out of shock then real pain) and ,after the inevitable school meeting I got detention and he was expelled for starting the confrontation. Later he attacked me again in view of the schools police security and was arrested for assault. Severed 2 of his 3 year sentence and I never heard from him again.

Moral is sometimes u have to fight back to earn your freedom and safety.

As a martial artist I strive to avoid confrontation ant every turn, and must say that violence should only and always be the very utmost LAST resort.

Well, I must say I was lucky. I didn't really get bullied much, just ignored. From the last anecdote, it would seem more that defending yourself is okay. That's absolutely true. I agree that violence should be a last resort. I like the using words approach that was mentioned. Humor and sarcasm work wonders.

Despite the age of this thread, I do have one thing to say about the topic. If there is only one bully, figure out who the others look up to. Then, If you decide you wish to fight, Do not fight until you know you can win... and win with ease. If the others see their "Leader" just lose, they may still come after you. If they see him defeated with the utmost of ease, Then it will let them know that they would likewise not stand a chance.

To sum it up, Don't fight unless you can win with ease. Or the fighting won't stop, generally.

Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time. Hatred ceases through love. This is an unalterable law.

- The Buddha


Tao Te Ching

#30. Whoever relies on the Force in governing men doesn`t try to force issues or defeat enemies by force of arms. For every force there is a counter force. Violence, even well intentioned, always rebounds upon oneself. The Jedi do their job and then stops. They understand that the universe is forever out of control, and that trying to dominate events goes against the current of the Force. Because they believe in themselves, they don`t try to convince others. Because they are content with themselves, they don`t need others` approval. Because they accept themselves, the whole world accepts them.

31. Weapons are tools of violence; all decent men detest them. Weapons are tools of fear; a decent man will avoid them except in the direst necessity and, if compelled, will use them only with the utmost restraint. Peace is his highest value. If the peace has been shattered, how can he be content? His enemies are not demons, but human beings like himself. He doesn`t wish them personal harm. Nor does he rejoice in victory. How could he rejoice in victory and delight in the slaughter of men? He enters in a battle gravely, with sorrow and with great compassion, as if he were attending a funeral. (weapons can be as subtle as a fist or as vile as a gun)


Yes, I was bullied. I chose to withdraw from trouble, find a different way home, surround myself with sports, friends and family. As a tree bends to the wind, you must bend to the bully. Do not be his target but be as much his opposite.

If you can predict the future and in your heart know that the actions you take today will not adversely affect those you confront, then by all means attack. But if you cannot predict the outcome of another persons life, if you can be sure that the bully will not feel shame from his defeat and commit suicide, if you control the flow of the Force, by all means act against the flow of the Force.

THE PATH IS NOT EASY! No one promises it will be. Have Faith In Yourself and Know You Are A Jedi.

I know this is old but I'll chime in with my experience as well.

I was bullied when I was around 10 yrs old by this one kid. Relentlessly he would always chase me. I tried doing the different route thing but never worked. I also was studying martial arts but did not like tae kwon do so was using tv and books to help me but I was missing a key element. A good role model and discipline. (believe me I love my dad but he never taught me much)

My mom I think followed me one day just enough to be out of sight trying to figure out why I was always late coming home. And it happened. Not only was the bully there but so where his minions (they where as much afraid of me as I was). Later that night just before my 14 bday she asked me what I wanted. That was when I heard of the style of karate that would forever be my life. I told her I wanted to join karate again and she let me.

My sensei who I still admire to this day became my role model. He taught me everything I could learn. I lived at the dojo my whole teenage years learning, breathing and eventually teaching.

Well, I left for the army after high school. Did 2 yrs active, proudly calling myself a vet to this day. I think I was 24 riding my bicycle, was getting into mountain biking and just loved riding. I still practiced with my teacher though cause I started realizing its not the color of your belt is the journey one takes for knowlegde.

Well, that same bully saw me and blocked my path with his truck while 2 others got out also. I placed my bike between us knowing if something happened I could use my bike as well as my knowlegde but learned how to use words instead of fists. He demanded me to hit him and I wouldnt back down I just stood there looking my eyes on his but also scanning the area.

I asked him what he had to prove, best answer he came up with was I deserved it. Then I saw one of his so called friends whisper something in his ear. Somehow they knew he was not going to win. I had confidence and a clear head cause I knew even with defeat I was the winner. He finally got back in his truck said some nasty things and spurted off. A cop I was good friends witness this also and drove up to me and asked if I wanted to press charges or anything. said wasnt worth the paper work for a low life like that.

Im 41 now and still to this day have never used what I was taught. Always used words and my discipline to confront the so called bully. But last I heard he was serving 10 to 20 for selling on school property so I consider I won the fight without a fist flying ever.

That was a great story. I like how you mentioned you won the battle without ever throwing a punch. I wanted to share a bully experience I had in middle school that was very, VERY different from the norm.

I want to keep this brief, but I must provide some background info. I had just moved to a new state after growing up as one of the "cool kids" at my previous school. The move shocked me. I refer to this as the dark ages of my life, but I learned the most during these years. Anyway, I was new to the school and didn't really know how to make friends since I seemed to just have friends while growing up. I did find a band of people that I regularly hung out with in school. 2 of which were girls and 1 was another guy. Well..... one of the girls had a little crush on me, but I politely told her I wasn't interested. For days she began to do mean things to me. One day, while on the bus, she stuck duct tape in my hair. Ouch! On another occasion, I was drinking water from the water fountain when she came up behind me and pushed my face into the water fountain. It busted my lip. I was mad, but kept my composure. I stood up and looked at her with a look on my face that said "What was that for!?" She rushed me with her fist cocked. I don't know why she was so mad at me, but clearly she was going to punch me. I stepped to the side dodging her punch and lightly pushed her away from me with one hand. I would never hit a woman in my life, and she had definitely tested me. Well, apparently she told a kid that I slammed her on the ground and yadda yadda... it got way blown out of proportion. How did I find out? Well, the very next day I was walking in the hallway when some random guy that I've never met in my life shoved me, VERY hard, into the lockers that lined the walls. My feet left the ground and I somehow didn't fall. I was so scared. I didn't know what was going on and everyone was staring at me like I was about to fight this guy. I ignored it out of fear and acted like it never happened. I just kept walking. I switched schools again only a couple months later and nothing more happened from this altercation.

Similar to your story, DBPulver, I found out later that he is now in jail for dealing drugs. Karma....

in high school i was named : "the alien" or "the green blood'one"... i did'nt cared much because it suit me and it almost became my trade mark