bullied

Opps...

The quote is supposed to go:

\"If violence is your last resort, you haven't resorted to enough of it.\"

Still funny.

MuhammadZaim wrote:

I've being bullied. What should i do? Fight of not?

Maybe a good start would be to ask yourself what is this or these persons so afraid of? And why am I asking myself this question? You may be surprised that you all have more in common than you thought.

I say fight with words, I was bullied for years until I made the bully feel so small and pathetic (which he is)by picking out flaws in his character and rubbing his face in them until he backed down, that he never bothered me again.

I was bullied and teased from 3rd grade unti junior year of high school. I fought back when physically confronted,
But I found most people /bullies would form packs and follow me home. I don't ever recommend violence, but one day
I had had enough and -meaning to simply knock them out- I didn't back down when a bully ( who was twice my size on the weastling team) got in my face. Instead I punched him in the face but struck his throat full force by accident. Needless to say he collapsed ( more out of shock then real pain) and ,after the inevitable school meeting I got detention and he was expelled for starting the confrontation. Later he attacked me again in view of the schools police security and was arrested for assault. Severed 2 of his 3 year sentence and I never heard from him again.

Moral is sometimes u have to fight back to earn your freedom and safety.

As a martial artist I strive to avoid confrontation ant every turn, and must say that violence should only and always be the very utmost LAST resort.

Well, I must say I was lucky. I didn't really get bullied much, just ignored. From the last anecdote, it would seem more that defending yourself is okay. That's absolutely true. I agree that violence should be a last resort. I like the using words approach that was mentioned. Humor and sarcasm work wonders.

Despite the age of this thread, I do have one thing to say about the topic. If there is only one bully, figure out who the others look up to. Then, If you decide you wish to fight, Do not fight until you know you can win... and win with ease. If the others see their "Leader" just lose, they may still come after you. If they see him defeated with the utmost of ease, Then it will let them know that they would likewise not stand a chance.

To sum it up, Don't fight unless you can win with ease. Or the fighting won't stop, generally.

Hatred does not cease through hatred at any time. Hatred ceases through love. This is an unalterable law.

- The Buddha


Tao Te Ching

#30. Whoever relies on the Force in governing men doesn`t try to force issues or defeat enemies by force of arms. For every force there is a counter force. Violence, even well intentioned, always rebounds upon oneself. The Jedi do their job and then stops. They understand that the universe is forever out of control, and that trying to dominate events goes against the current of the Force. Because they believe in themselves, they don`t try to convince others. Because they are content with themselves, they don`t need others` approval. Because they accept themselves, the whole world accepts them.

31. Weapons are tools of violence; all decent men detest them. Weapons are tools of fear; a decent man will avoid them except in the direst necessity and, if compelled, will use them only with the utmost restraint. Peace is his highest value. If the peace has been shattered, how can he be content? His enemies are not demons, but human beings like himself. He doesn`t wish them personal harm. Nor does he rejoice in victory. How could he rejoice in victory and delight in the slaughter of men? He enters in a battle gravely, with sorrow and with great compassion, as if he were attending a funeral. (weapons can be as subtle as a fist or as vile as a gun)


Yes, I was bullied. I chose to withdraw from trouble, find a different way home, surround myself with sports, friends and family. As a tree bends to the wind, you must bend to the bully. Do not be his target but be as much his opposite.

If you can predict the future and in your heart know that the actions you take today will not adversely affect those you confront, then by all means attack. But if you cannot predict the outcome of another persons life, if you can be sure that the bully will not feel shame from his defeat and commit suicide, if you control the flow of the Force, by all means act against the flow of the Force.

THE PATH IS NOT EASY! No one promises it will be. Have Faith In Yourself and Know You Are A Jedi.

I know this is old but I'll chime in with my experience as well.

I was bullied when I was around 10 yrs old by this one kid. Relentlessly he would always chase me. I tried doing the different route thing but never worked. I also was studying martial arts but did not like tae kwon do so was using tv and books to help me but I was missing a key element. A good role model and discipline. (believe me I love my dad but he never taught me much)

My mom I think followed me one day just enough to be out of sight trying to figure out why I was always late coming home. And it happened. Not only was the bully there but so where his minions (they where as much afraid of me as I was). Later that night just before my 14 bday she asked me what I wanted. That was when I heard of the style of karate that would forever be my life. I told her I wanted to join karate again and she let me.

My sensei who I still admire to this day became my role model. He taught me everything I could learn. I lived at the dojo my whole teenage years learning, breathing and eventually teaching.

Well, I left for the army after high school. Did 2 yrs active, proudly calling myself a vet to this day. I think I was 24 riding my bicycle, was getting into mountain biking and just loved riding. I still practiced with my teacher though cause I started realizing its not the color of your belt is the journey one takes for knowlegde.

Well, that same bully saw me and blocked my path with his truck while 2 others got out also. I placed my bike between us knowing if something happened I could use my bike as well as my knowlegde but learned how to use words instead of fists. He demanded me to hit him and I wouldnt back down I just stood there looking my eyes on his but also scanning the area.

I asked him what he had to prove, best answer he came up with was I deserved it. Then I saw one of his so called friends whisper something in his ear. Somehow they knew he was not going to win. I had confidence and a clear head cause I knew even with defeat I was the winner. He finally got back in his truck said some nasty things and spurted off. A cop I was good friends witness this also and drove up to me and asked if I wanted to press charges or anything. said wasnt worth the paper work for a low life like that.

Im 41 now and still to this day have never used what I was taught. Always used words and my discipline to confront the so called bully. But last I heard he was serving 10 to 20 for selling on school property so I consider I won the fight without a fist flying ever.

That was a great story. I like how you mentioned you won the battle without ever throwing a punch. I wanted to share a bully experience I had in middle school that was very, VERY different from the norm.

I want to keep this brief, but I must provide some background info. I had just moved to a new state after growing up as one of the "cool kids" at my previous school. The move shocked me. I refer to this as the dark ages of my life, but I learned the most during these years. Anyway, I was new to the school and didn't really know how to make friends since I seemed to just have friends while growing up. I did find a band of people that I regularly hung out with in school. 2 of which were girls and 1 was another guy. Well..... one of the girls had a little crush on me, but I politely told her I wasn't interested. For days she began to do mean things to me. One day, while on the bus, she stuck duct tape in my hair. Ouch! On another occasion, I was drinking water from the water fountain when she came up behind me and pushed my face into the water fountain. It busted my lip. I was mad, but kept my composure. I stood up and looked at her with a look on my face that said "What was that for!?" She rushed me with her fist cocked. I don't know why she was so mad at me, but clearly she was going to punch me. I stepped to the side dodging her punch and lightly pushed her away from me with one hand. I would never hit a woman in my life, and she had definitely tested me. Well, apparently she told a kid that I slammed her on the ground and yadda yadda... it got way blown out of proportion. How did I find out? Well, the very next day I was walking in the hallway when some random guy that I've never met in my life shoved me, VERY hard, into the lockers that lined the walls. My feet left the ground and I somehow didn't fall. I was so scared. I didn't know what was going on and everyone was staring at me like I was about to fight this guy. I ignored it out of fear and acted like it never happened. I just kept walking. I switched schools again only a couple months later and nothing more happened from this altercation.

Similar to your story, DBPulver, I found out later that he is now in jail for dealing drugs. Karma....

in high school i was named : "the alien" or "the green blood'one"... i did'nt cared much because it suit me and it almost became my trade mark

I was always a big kid when I was little but I was never bullied like this... My father always told me to just walk away if I ever ran into trouble, and that's usually what I did. There was this one girl i played with however (this was when I was like, 6) who was a little older than me. One day some of the guys were teasing her, and me (they were about 10). I walked up to their leader and punched him so hard in the stomach that he fell over and cried, that ended the teasing, and about a year later when the girl moved away I actually ended up becoming friends with the guys.

The way I've learned to see conflict is like this - Always walk away if it's an option, never instigate a fight, but if you are ever attacked respond with dedication and subdue your enemy with whatever means are at your disposal. As my mother told me when I was little "If you are ever in a fight where your life is in danger, take your enemy down and make sure he doesn't get back up."

So throughout my life whenever there's been a conflict, whoever is instigating it first has had to push me to my absolute max. They have to really work to try and get me into a position where they can fight me; then I warn them and if they persist... then I take them apart. Once most bullies realize that you are unwilling to fight them, not because of fear of what they might do to you, but because of what you fear you might do to them, their perspective changes very, Very quickly.

My experience with bullying growing up was an odd one, for a few years there I cultivated an image which kept people guessing. While I never committed violence even once growing up outside my jujutsu dojo (even that was in friendly cooperation so we could learn), the sense that I might was something I didn't make an effort to dissuade potential bullies from believing. That illusion vanished shortly after high-school began when I made friends I could be myself with and the somewhat silly, bubbly, oddly serious person I am showed a bit more. I had to run from a group of bullies twice. Then it stopped. I didn't find out till I graduated that a group of five of my friends had made it a point of keeping me safe those four years and refused to tell me because they knew I'd make them stop. I love those boys to death for it because after the first two times, I'm certain I'd not have lived through it had I been caught. I am a bit upset with one of them because he got sent to detention and Saturday school at least a half-dozen times "protecting me".

Greetings,

What follows may or may not be accepted as a whole. In either case, I believe in what follows whole heartedly, and it is with good intentions and benevolence towards the bullied that drives the heart of my post.

If you are being bullied, I would highly recommend taking a martial art that has full contact fighting such as Boxing, MMA, Judo, or San Da. The reason why I recommend this is because it is fear of physical conflict combined with a lack of assertiveness that causes one to be bullied by others.

I do not believe that martial arts that do not have sparring are of any help to people who are being bullied. I'm not saying that the instruction has to be completely "hardcore" or anything like that. The key is to start out light and gradually increase the contact that is involved so that the person learns to detach from pain as well as remain calm under the duress of attack.

Combined with this type of instruction, it is important to learn social skills. Are you making yourself into a target with poor social skills? Also, if you are the kind of person who likes to be different, remember that some comeuppance is to be expected and you should be prepared to stand up for yourself.

Most of the time merely standing up for yourself is enough to deter any would be bully. The confidence that is gained from doing something like boxing or judo will free the mind from worrying about the consequences of standing up for yourself. The willingness to go into conflict to protect yourself will ironically prevent the conflict in the first place.

There are deeper psychic reasons behind why people get picked on and bullied. If you fear physical conflict, this information will pattern it upon the very core of your being and in turn effect your Qi (or whatever you want to call it) and you will put out an aura that says "Kick Me".

If you go into martial arts for being bullied, I must stress again that non-contact training will do you know good. When you have practiced the contact oriented martial art for quite some time and are able to handle the bully in question, then you can safely go into the non-contact martial arts. No joke, you would be better off doing boxing than aikido under those circumstances. Note, I do like aikido, but this type of art is designed for people who are already used to physical conflict and would therefore be able to apply the techniques due to the state of calm that is achieved through fighting under actual duress for a period of time.

Warm Regards,
Varius

hmmmm...

well i have been bullied when i was younger,but around 13,14 years of age I kinda built a wall.

Its all about a,at least for me,"apearing"confident.When i walk down the halls my soulders are squared and i look ahead not at the ground.

Im not very confident but i look it and others ask "why are you so brave" ...."your not afraid of anything"ect
i am afraid

I didnt notice this until one day in the hall way a friend of mine said "jezz vanessa you walk like your ready to beat someone up" i didnt believe him lol.I asked others and they agreed.They said i look angry.Im not I just tend to think alot hence thinking face lol.

Girl last year was spreading rumors that I was a lesbian and that i was a b**ch.I didnt care if people thought i was,I cared she didnt have the cojones to confront me and tell me what she thought of me.So I confronted her calmly and alone,and asked her to tell me what she felt she needed to.She didnt say anything lol.It stoped after that.

Another time while playing badmitin the other team was convinced they had won.....they had not.I said we go one more umm round?volly?...and one of the girls exploded.I went to the teacher and asked for assistence.The girl proceded to come over and yell at both me and the teacher.

So i said fine what ever,walked away..it was just a game.In the lockeroom she started calling me a b**ch and a loser.She said how she has anger management problems and how she would beat me up.I stood there,looked at her,and smiled the whole time.I found it so amusing how angry she was.

I told her she needed a chill pill and began asking the other girls if they had any.she went on and on yelling.I kept calm and used light humor to make everyone laugh and show this girl how childish she was acting.I was like "somebody needs a happy meal and a timeout".

she ended up moving and my problem was solved lol.

in the end I dont think i would be good in a fight but sometimes useing your brain is better then anything.Im not confident but other precive me so and that all you need.like me the bully uses his body and talk to look like topdog when they are probably very insecure.Use it.Not in a mean way,but confront them it will probably throw them off.

Hope this helped.
I did this on my Ipad sorry for mistakes lol.

has anyone realized how old this thread is lol
guy has not been on since 2010 :woohoo:

Lycaenion wrote: has anyone realized how old this thread is lol
guy has not been on since 2010 :woohoo:

True but with any luck someone else in a similar situation will read this thread and find some advice

Goes with any thread we make really

It depends. On one hand, if you decide to fight there will be consequences. The only question is are you willing to accept full responsibility and any possible punishment for it? If not, then don't do it.

However, if you are willing, and after repeated tries to get justice through the school, and after trying to negotiate with the said bully, then I say fight him. First, because if the Administration will not stop this and if the said bully won't, then you have done everything you are honor bound to do. My suggestion is to immediately go for the throat; choke him out, if you have to or at least take the fight out of him by temporary interrupting the flow of oxygen to his lungs.

I might be a little late, but here's my advice about whether or not you do fight:

Hit em hard, hit em fast, hit em when he doesn't see it coming, and don't stop until you get pulled off.

If you do resort to such a climactic ending and assistance from parents and teachers doesn't stop it, then you absolutely have to win in order to stop it. Fight dirty, fight hard, and send the message that you won't put up with anybody's problems or they will end up in the same boat. I was bullied all through elementary school, and when you send a message that powerful, people respect that.

By the time high school rolled around, nobody messed with me... I was pretty much accepted anywhere I wanted to be, and I had the privilege of picking and choosing my battles. But always take the issue to the official channels first. They will at least have had their chance to stop it, and if it escalates then you will have a defense in front of the teachers and parents when it ends

E-3_4L_Teeter wrote: I might be a little late, but here's my advice about whether or not you do fight:

Wow, man. As late as you may be, you were right on. Seriously

I live in the "bible belt", and I was a strong atheist in a small town super religious public school.

I was beaten, had my property destroyed or stolen, urinated on etc. The administration was indifferent. There is only so much a person can take before they snap, and go totally psychotic.

So I started lifting weights, and eventually when confronted I went into an absolute blood thirsty psychotic rage, even a group of them couldn't stop me. I literally wanted to drink their blood, not figuratively, not metaphorically. I became an animal that not even a group of them could restrain.

That is exactly what it took to make it stop.

I learned an important lesson.

Si vis pacem, para bellum

"If you wish for peace, prepare for war"

The strong are the least likely to be attacked.