moral crossroads

Today i find myself at a moral crossroads.
I have had a female best friend since I was thirteen today out the blue i was basically mouth raped and she confessed feelings. Normally any ohter girl i would've been on but this is a delicate situation i do confess feelings for her but if a relationship grows so do the chances of loseing my best friend. her daughter has only knowen me as daddy for a long time. so it would be benifical for her child for us to be together but if it doesnt work out i lose the relationship with her and her daughter what to do what to do i swear getting older just brings more problems than its worththis is just a rant a vent if you will but i must make a decision either way im confussed as hell

what does this have to do with morals?

how is it a moral cross roads ill explain for ya is it morally right for me to hook up with her for the sake of the kid who only nos me as daddy or is it morally right to stay freinds and hurt myfreind everytime she sees me with another chick

Why does breaking up with her mean you can no longer be friends with her? I'm still friends with my ex-girlfriend

If you try to have a relationship but find it doesn't work then break it off and leave it at that. Go back to where you are now knowing that you at least tried

If you never give it a go then you'll never know how it could have gone and how well it might have turned out

morals and values are not universal. You have to do what is right for you. You are the only who who can hold yourself accountible to your standards.

My wife and I have known each other for over 30 years....

I've been married three times now... The first two were not very well thought out...

I was not looking for a "wife"...

I never have been...

I was looking for a best friend... A confidant, a shelter from the meanies and buttheads of the world...

She (my current) refused to date me, said yes to going out, then failed to show many times...

Eventually, I said, "look, either we try this or we dont, but stop playing games..."

We are on our 15th year...

+++++++++++++++++++++

is it morally right for me to hook up with her for the sake of the kid who only nos me as daddy

is it morally right to stay freinds and hurt myfreind everytime she sees me with another chick

If you find yourself unable to be with this women because of her own positive traits, then do not date her...

Do not date her because of her kid...

When this kid grows up and moves out, or is absent possibly visiting the biological dad, the situation will grow tense...

As Hannigan said, do what you think is right, dont do what anyone says to do, think for yourself, listen to advice, but, make the decision you can live with...

I would not focus on whether or not to commit to a relationship for the sake of her daughter, but to focus firstly on your feelings; would you describe your feelings for her as high admiration or love? If so, I say go for it!

Express it as a 'trial run' maybe. You respect the friendship between you so much that you wouldn't want to loose her as a friend if things don't work out. I'm sure she would understand the reasoning behind this.

If things go well, the relationship will blossom with no further needs of discussion!

I hope this helps in some way in finding the right direction at your crossroads.

I don’t see the problem here! Perhaps I am just not looking at it from the right angle?

Let me explain what I am reading and give you an insight to what I think.
1) Your best friend confessed that she has feelings for you that go beyond mere friendship.
2) You admit to having feelings for her.
3) There is a child involved, but all parties involved are acquainted and like each other.

I would think that the first two previously mentioned points are paramount in these considerations. I would think that if the two of you care for one another and the idea of taking your friendship to a different place is appealing then why not? Right now, let’s not consider the child.

You mentioned that you feared losing your best friend. What is keeping you from losing her now? I, personally, would rather be in a relationship with my best friend.
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I would think that the only moral dilemma you would be experiencing is not so much a moral problem as it is a personal issue. To me, it sounds as though doubt and fear have taken hold and you are afraid to let good things be. I do not mean that to be insulting, but rather to help you come to terms with what is bothering you. If you spend your time worrying about might what happen… then will you ever “let” anything happen to you? I am not saying that you should do it and everything will turn out fine! I am saying that you obviously care for her and would like for the relationship to be redefined.

Once a set of actions have been put into place there is nothing you can do to undo it. The dynamic of the relationship the two of you shared has already changed… just because the two of you have admitted that you do care for each other in a deeper fashion. What are you going to do about it?

as has been pointed out, morality is often relative. to use an extreme example, if i were in a duel to death with somebody for some reason, i would do what i had to do to survive, even tho that action would be completely anathema to the angels of my better nature.

here, you have to ask yourself what is best for YOU, and i speak from experience. i tried the whole 'stay for the kids' thing. it didnt work out. later on, you start to resent your lack of freedom, question that choice, become sullen. at least i did. it is harder for you to make someone else happy (like your gf and her child) when you are not yourself.

its the same principle as the signs on airplanes telling you to put your own oxy mask on first in case of emergency, THEN the kids. because what good will you be to them if you pass out from lack of oxygen?

it may not be a big thing to some people but to me the choose is a big one life changeing i aprecate yalls input no matter what the child will have a father figure in me

A favorite quote of mine is from Mr. Campbell:

"What people seek is not the meaning of life but the experience of living."

With that in mind, I think that whatever choice you make will be the right one.

If even the worst happens, that you lose a friend because you tried a relationship, don't be afraid! Every experience teaches us something and will be for our good. You'll come to know (I'm putting my preaching hat on for just a minute) that your happiness is found in yourself, not in an attachment to someone else. If you keep that realization with you, no failure of any relationship will have the power to bring you down.

Make the choice, and enjoy the journey that comes with it!

MTFBWY,
-LTK

david tatum wrote: it may not be a big thing to some people but to me the choose is a big one life changeing i aprecate yalls input no matter what the child will have a father figure in me

It is a big thing to most of us, and yourself it seems... Only you are going to live this, not us, so we want to be cautious...

You can be like a father to her, whether you are with her mom or not... Ask any absentee dad, (not father, if you catch what I mean)...

My daughter has three dads... Three guys important to her growing up... Me, the guy her mom left me for, and they guy her mom has been with for the last several years...

My.... pride is hurt that she thinks of this other guy like a dad, he did nothing except steal my family... But, I wasnt a really good person either, so all i can figure out is that it was the way things needed to be...

My dausghter graduated this year... with pretty good grades, and is going in the reserves to get some school money...

Between us all, we did a good job...

It's tough...

I wish you luck...

i just do my best not to screw things up thats all i can do

david tatum wrote: i just do my best not to screw things up thats all i can do

That's all we can ever really do