Telling friends and family

I have just started here and am a little nervous about talking to my friends and family about the decision. I know that ultimately it's my choice and that what they think won't change it, but I really want them to understand. My main concern is with my girlfriend. She'll have to know so I'm not lying about what I'm doing on the computer all the time.

Has anybody gone through this or have advice on dealing with it?

With my family I have gone through with the opinion that we will discuss if/when it comes up (so far in the past decade religion has never come up and they're not really interested!) so I can't help you there really.

With your girlfriend though, if you don't feel that you can just 'come out and say it' because you feel she might respond badly, I would send her a link to something you found interesting here and suggest she take a look, and then you bring it up through conversation rather than blurting it out and feeling worried.
With my fiance I just told him, and once he'd had a nose around the forum he got it.

I would say not to worry about it. And if/when you do bring it up, bring it up privately, one on one:

At the bar with the guys, bad time
On the car ride home (when completely sober ) with one other person or chatting on the phone (do people still do that? Haha), good time.

Everyone I ever told looked at me funny but once I explained the reason behind the name, what we stand for and what we study, I got looks of approval and acceptance.

Honestly, when I told my mom she was rather disgusted (and she's been doing the New Age thing for a few years now....). She really didn't make it past the word "Jedi" before shutting down. My step-dad I haven't bothered to tell. He really doesn't have anything to do with any sort of faith in any capacity. My dad didn't understand at first either. I told him about a year ago but didn't get the chance to actually sit and have a discussion in person with him until this weekend. He understands a lot more now. I just don't bother talking to my mom about it. My husband was in the mindset of "Whatever you want Dear." He watched me go through my spiritual exploration for a few years before that and has always been supportive, even if he doesn't really understand it. My best friend was the most vocal. She thought it was a LARPing/Role Playing thing. I had her look at the Temple's main page and explained my personal ideals and what drew me there she was accepting.

Oddly enough, religion comes up a lot at work. Partly because there's a handful of paperwork that requires us to fill in our religion. The biggest thing that's helped me is to have a good heap of humor. People tend to ask if there's lightsabers involved, or if I could use the Force (usually coupled with them miming extreme concentration as they attempt their hand at telekinesis) which can actually be an opening to explaining that we DO believe in the Force and some views on what the Force is. Some people are quite accepting after explaining what being a Jedi means to me. Others just ignore most of what I say after they realize I'm serious and it's not as awesome as they thought. (*I* think it's awesome)

I think the ultimate thing to keep in mind is it's YOUR choice and some people will never understand. My mother is very close minded on many things. I doubt she'll ever understand. I could very nearly see her disapproving look over the phone when I told her .

I talk to my husband all the time about what I read on the forums, our conversations, my lessons, things I've learned. Perhaps getting your girlfriend involved in what you are doing and learning will help her understand. You could maybe start with something like "You know, I've been thinking/searching...and..." or think about what drew you to the Temple to begin with. Tell her about that! If you think she'll balk at the word "Jedi", start with something like "Hey! I found this really cool place where..."

Hi, Goken...

I concur with what Edan, Learn_To_Know, and Kamizu said. What I might add is the suggestion that you wait until you're comfortable with Jediism before attempting to convey to others what it is or what it means to you. I know it's exciting (I've been here for over a year and a half and still think it's exciting ), but I bet you'll find it easier to explain when you've walked the path for a while - and will, at that point, be able to help others feel comfortable with your decision to be part of Jediism as well.

My friends and family have all taken my involvement with the Temple really well, but they've had plenty of time to adjust to the fact that I'm not particularly traditional in most senses of the word.

It's a question I've seen a lot among pagan circles. I have friends whose parents completely cut ties with them after being told "I'm a witch." and I have friends whose parents went "OK, let me know if there's any events I have to be at for that." Unfortunately I've struggled with telling my parents for many years that I lead a life that isn't strictly Catholic. It's the main reason I left the seminary but couldn't quite tell them that. I've tried to hint at it several times and didn't quite get a good response. I think they picked up on the hint and were trying to nudge me away from what I was hinting about without me coming out and declaring it hoping they could stop it before I really became serious. Ultimately I think "I'm a Jedi, a real live practitioner of the belief system called 'Jediism' which takes its name from the Star Wars mythos because the ideals are so in line with the benevolence and peacemaking efforts of the Jedi in Star Wars." Will come out a lot better than telling them "I'm a wizard, with honed magickal abilities that are at the peak of our God given human potential which allow me to make a real positive difference in the world I live in." Jedi they will think is a harmless and well meaning phase that they'll adjust to overtime. At the very least the ethics of the Jedi seem fairly unquestionable (at least in the ethical views of my family) so even if they see it as finding a weird way to live it they'll see it as still living a good life with good values. Wizard and magick are sort of dirty words in more staunchly religious homes. I'm hoping my dad will say something like "At least you not a democrat, right?" (Also has strong political views...) but ultimately I know that the only way I can approach it is by sitting down with them sometime when I'm visiting home and just tell them all about it.

My wife does not understand....

And as you become involved, and see how much I'm here, you'll see how it might be an issue.... lol...

I love her, and she me (I hope, lol), so, as it is a hot topic, we sort of leave it unspoken... Occasionally it pops up, and she try's to ignore it, but, if she does say anything, I try to get overly defensive too, lol... Or overly explanational, lol.. I can get wordy, lol...

I think my wife looks at all religion like most look at Jehovah's Witnesses, believe what you want, but don't bring it to my door...

Don't push, yet be open...

We are very individual in our beliefs, so you will be looking inside yourself for answers, we just help you ask yourself the questions.....

That's where the answers are....

I've told my girlfriend, my boss, and a few others, and everyone has been very supportive. I do repost stuff from the TOTJO Facebook page quite a bit, and have never had anyone say anything negative about it at all. Heck, I have Facebook friends that have become fans of the TOTJO Facebook page after I shared something..

Could always just adopt a menacing expression and get some tattoos....that works pretty well with most people....or simply live your life by the jedi ideals and they'll come to understand since actions speak louder than words...as to telling the girlfriend...well I'm certainly not remotely qualified for that seeing as to how I rarely am able to keep one let alone find one :lol:

I know its exciting when first venturing into Jediism. It was for me too. Many people tend to want to "establish" it with themselves. I recommend otherwise though. I'd suggest letting the new lifestyle flow into your world on its own accord, at its own pace, and seamlessly, rather than "first I wasn't, but starting today I AM!"... Establishing something can make it psychologically finite in nature (meaning, when you establish a beginning, you have set it up to establish an ending for it somewhere down the line). The less one has to affirm it to themselves, the less one will feel they owe it to themselves to have something to show for, or to prove, or to justify, or to upkeep. You need none of these things here... not actually (at least not to me).

Which takes me to... telling other people...

You can tell people whatever you want. However, don't feel you have to tell anyone about it - not as in "keeping a secret", no. This is instead, following the philosophy of "If you don't make it a thing, it won't be a thing." If you do tell somebody, it's all about circumstances, context, and method of introduction. If you bring it up out of the blue to a family member in a "We really need to talk" kind of fashion, you've just dumped a bunch of awkward pressure onto you and whoever you'll be talking to. This tends to result in a plethora of possible negative outcomes. Should you really make this a "serious thing"? If you present it seriously, the possibilities of negative or misunderstood reactions becomes a bit serious as well. If you toss something out nonchalantly during a talk already happening about religion for example, that can go a bit smoother. Even then, coming out with something like "Well, I'm a Jedi, so what I believe is..." The statement that you are a Jedi, while quite affirmative in our doctrine, can easily lack a properly understood context outside of it. If you tell someone "I am a Jedi" who does not have that understanding, then they will establish a very distorted and ignorant impression from it. Therefore, the approach I recommend is, instead of bothering with saying "I am a Jedi", just talk about what you have been learning or experiencing as one, within the context of the discussion of course. After all, the essence of being a Jedi is not in the title, but in what kind of life is lived behind it. Focus on this, and show people you are a Jedi instead of telling them, and you will have bypassed just about all of the above issues.

I find quite a few new members to the Jedi faith more attracted to the aesthetics and the mythos behind the movies, than the actual faith itself. They mistakenly "identify" with what they believe a Jedi should be, instead of investing some serious time to study it's origins. I recommend taking a year to get a feel for it, take the time to dig and study the roots of this faith. Then, if you still feel strongly about this faith, and wish to continue down this path, you'll have a years worth of experience and a study of it's roots to which to use when explaining to others what this faith is really about....

I agree with Zenchi. Give it some time. I didn't start telling people until around the time I finished the IP and even then I think I probably could have done myself a favor by waiting a wee bit longer.

Remember that people often times feel entitled to more personal information than they actually deserve and perhaps the most prudent thing to do is (politely) remind them that that's none of their business.

Haha! Good topic, indeed. I will share my story of what happened when I told my parents.

So, I got into this gig when I was a young 12 years old. I was actually into the Sith stuff at the time, so I didn't tell my parents. I didn't want them to know I was planning on using them for my own purposes. You know how preteens can be. I was sure that I would be fine being secretive and discreet. About 4 years later, at 16, I became a Jedi. I knew that I would be doing something weirder than being a Sith because Jedi might actually be something I could tell people about.

I did try telling somebody I was a Sith once, actually. It was in school. And, my 8th grade friends were not very believing. So, they tested me to see how many fingers they were holding behind their backs... I was right every time. I guessed what color they were thinking too. I think they thought I was a freak, though. lol. Couldn't handle my awesomeness!

When I decided to become a Jedi, I decided I wouldn't tell my parents exactly. I knew that this stuff wasn't accepted, and they might try and "cleanse" me or something. They're both religious. Christian and Jewish. I also decided, though, that I wouldn't actively hide it.

I talked about Jackie and Gabriel and my friends as I went along. Eventually, they just "knew" I was a Jedi rather than me having a dramatic reveal.

It took almost 4-6 years for them to fully understand. Now, they don't exactly approve of it, but they don't yell at me for it either. They do not see the importance of it, I think. They wish I'd "grow out of it" or something. I don't judge them for thinking that way. They are not me.

The only people I've told are my wife and a close friend who's also part of an alternative faith. I don't see there being much benefit in telling people as it's likely it will create confusion. Better to serve as an example of what it means to be Jedi and let that speak for itself, imho.

I was afraid to tell it anyone, too, and then I got my courage to tell it to my classmate.
I thought she would call me crazy, but imagine, she congratulated me, because she knows how much I wanted to follow the Jedi way, and that I could achieve this dream. She was really happy about me, and she still asks how my apprenticeship is going, she was keeping her fingers crossed for me when I was awaiting apprenticeship, and so on.
So far I told my other two friends about it, and they weren't this happy, but they didn't bother me with it, either.

My wife knows and she's cool with it. She is also best placed to see the positive change in me. As for others if it comes up I will tell them. I'm proud to be a member here and I'm lucky to have supportive and open minded family and friends for the most part.

I think the general point is there is no right or wrong answer but don't feel like you have to shout it from the rooftops if you don't want to. This is a personal journey and if you go with your gut feeling it'll usually be right.

Goken wrote: I have just started here and am a little nervous about talking to my friends and family about the decision. I know that ultimately it's my choice and that what they think won't change it, but I really want them to understand. My main concern is with my girlfriend. She'll have to know so I'm not lying about what I'm doing on the computer all the time.

Has anybody gone through this or have advice on dealing with it?

I have this problem and left because of it. I came back not to deal with it but to: talk, discuss, think and explore. I'm gonna reflect and honestly, say what I want to say, say what I think, say what I feel and say what I believe. Then see what's come out of all this.

When asked, I tell people that I spend a good deal of free time on an internet site that promotes self-improvement, tolerance, acceptance and understanding. They usually ask something like, “really? What is that?!?!?”

Depending on who they are and how open they are to new ideas I give one of several replies. But eventually they keep asking to know what it is and where it is and how to find it. Then I tell them the name. Sometimes they’re like, “cool!” and sometimes they’re like… “w-h-a-t??” :blink:

Hahhahhaha It all really depends on the person and how it’s delivered.

But I very seldom volunteer information. I figure that if people are genuinely interested, they’ll keep asking and trying to find out. If not, they’ll move on.

Lol that's an easy way of doing it...

My sis and brother in law would try to embarrass me by telling people...it didn't work...when asked I simply say I'm a jedi and go about my business...

Wescli Wardest wrote: But I very seldom volunteer information. I figure that if people are genuinely interested, they’ll keep asking and trying to find out. If not, they’ll move on.

Read that as "plays hard to get"...:lol:....

I have this problem and left because of it. I came back not to deal with it but to: talk, discuss, think and explore. I'm gonna reflect and honestly, say what I want to say, say what I think, say what I feel and say what I believe. Then see what's come out of all this.

With what exactly Ricky? Not being able to tell folks?

Just asking, or we can go to PM if you like...

I was curious..