The Idealized Self

Recently, through conversing with several people and interacting with friends, I've come to recognize an interesting situation that I'm curious about its reflection for others.

Unless we truly regard ourselves as a perfect being, I think we all have an idealized version of ourselves, it may be nebulus "more patient" "a better listener" or it may go so far as to have a personification, an actual image in our mind of specifically who we would be sometimes to the extent that we dissasociate, intentionally or otherwise and converse with this idealized self. Specifically I'm not referring to the personificaiton of aspects of ourselves or our drives. I'm curious what others' experience is with interacting with these ideals.

Recently, as a thought experiment I personified my more nebulus ideals into a something more concrete. The person I found there wasn't much removed from the person I already am. Perhaps a touch more insightful and a bit more assertive and able to take herself less seriously but not much different than who I am already though perhaps a touch more action oriented. Part of me is curious if this similarity of who I am now and who I desire to be being so similar is related to my transgender experience. That is to say, when you're forced to rebuild your life from the ground up you tend to be who you want to be rather than beholden to circustance. Alternately is the similarity merely a lack of imagination? Ultimately these are questions of the self which interacts with time and is not the true inner self which is seated in the Force. Though, at least in my case, my idealized self is based, in part, on the influence of that true inner self.

What is your experience when it comes to who you wish to be? Is it clearly defined or nebulus? How similar to your current self is it? How informed is this ideal by your connection with Force?

I have often thought about similar things. It seems that we strive to be someone we are not. And I view this as a good thing! I feel that if we were completely satisfied with the person we are, there would be no desire for personal growth. Which in turn could be a contributing factor in the decline of society. People are taught to be happy with their selves and that each of us is special. When the truth of the matter is that if we were all special, then special would become the norm.

I have had several role models throughout my life, most fictional. And I have always envisioned myself as someone (that I would view to be) better than who I think I actually am. Interestingly enough, others seem to see me completely different than I see myself. And to them my quest to be more is wasted because the traits they would rather bring out in me are different than the ones I would pursue.

I find that when I have thought about the person I wish to become my day ends up seeming to be better than it could have been. Or better than I thought it might be!

I like to think of the one I envision as my future self and he is a tad wiser, calmer and more intense than I currently am. I feel that this particular extrapolation of my imagination is directed or molded for what I need at the time. And is a direct result of the Force. The question I find is in how I interpret the message.

I used to be conceited but now I'm perfect!

hmmm...i never view myself as a saint, yet everyone i know considers me one...i always think i see the real me and everyone else sees a fake me...yet when i compare the 2 they're exactly the same...there is no difference between them except in how they are perceived by others...perhaps i'm too hard on myself...but then if i didn't set such high standards for myself then what would i have as a goal to achieve...

You are very lucky in that you can rebuild yourself, and build what it is you are looking for...

Most of us have to evolve to that point, I cannot change things to greatly without upsetting the balance around me that has become my life... The interactions with wife, kids, work, and many other aspects...

There are things I can change, but this is why it takes time to develop new habit, new patterns...

I am perfect, as are you and the other two who responded, as well as everyone else...

I am the perfect me.. Im a little overweight (a little, snicker), but im mostly kind, and blah, blah... I can be any better of a me if I wanted to...

Now, if i want to learn to be more polite, than that me must evolve into being, and at every juncture, every step through the process, I will still be the most perfect me, ever...

And the same is said at every point, along any, and every path...

I may think, "well im fat, thats not perfect"

But it is, it is me, and I am the most perfect me that exists, I used to be skinnier, and I hope to be again, but like that last statement, I will be the most perfect me, all along...

I hope that makes sense...:silly:

Jestor wrote: You are very lucky in that you can rebuild yourself, and build what it is you are looking for...

Most of us have to evolve to that point, I cannot change things to greatly without upsetting the balance around me that has become my life... The interactions with wife, kids, work, and many other aspects...

The rebuilding, in the long term is indeed beneficial, however, there are relationships that will never recover because of it. I accept this because I'd reached a point in my life where it was rebuild or simply end it all, continueing as I was would only have been a very slow painful decline into dementia and death.

Jestor wrote: I am perfect, as are you and the other two who responded, as well as everyone else...

I completely agree. I am content within myself. In my mind, the dualistic reality through which we interact now, full of forms, has an essential requirement that there be a form through which we interact. At the same time, in the unified existence where time ceases, there is only what is and this is perfect. My desires to modify my behaviors or physical form are largely functional in nature, driven by the desire to express that inner perfection in such a way that others may understand more fully and that I might protect and nurture the perfection that lies at the seat of the other forms within this reality. Presonifying those desires into an identity, giving it a name, conversing with it, these are games, in a sense, a microcosm to our own existence within the Force.

I've long thought that there are three versions of yourself, without even involving another person.

1. Who you are
2. Who you think you are
3. Who you want to be

Now, because of finicky and convoluted perceptual tricks, you can never really get to know #1. However, what you can do, is you can bring #2 as close to #1 as possible.

As the oracle said to the destined one, "Know thyself".

Now, manytimes by simply becoming aware of what you are and aren't, you'll unconsciously change the parts of you that you don't like. If you decide to know your vehicle inside and out, chances are you'll do a bit of maintenance or cleaning along the way of tearing it apart and finding out how it ticks.

Simply by bringing #2 closer to #1, you also bring #1 closer to #3.

The end goal, I think, is to bring them all as closely together as possible. To know yourself as you truly are, and to be what you would like to be.


However, at times, you'll find that you've got a lot of trekking to do to get all the way over to #3.

Sometimes you aren't who you want to be.

That is when it's time for growth. It may be a short walk, or it may be an epic journey to be undertaken.

[hr]

I agree with WW in that there should be a strive to always be better than you are. To always be growing, to always be at least one step or one idea better than the you of yesterday was.

I feel that this particular extrapolation of my imagination is directed or molded for what I need at the time.

I've noticed that who I want to be changes as I learn. When I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut. Now, as I've grown, I've learned that there are other things I'd really like to do instead.

As you learn more about yourself, you also learn more about what you're not.

[hr]

RyuJin, you do bring up an interesting point... how each person perceives you differently. But that's just it. EVERYONE sees you differently.

Then again, sometimes other people have a better view of your #1 than even you do. And sometimes others' perceptions can give you valuable insights of your own.

[hr]

Jestor, you hit on a sticky point.

One on hand, I can see what you mean about "I am perfect."

On the other hand, I intuitively disagree. Let me think on a reply.

You are very lucky in that you can rebuild yourself

Ah, I believe anyone can rebuild themselves. It's the act that is rare.

EDIT: I found a picture that I believe fits this topic very well.



Anyway, Thank you Lila.

My experience when it comes to who I want to be: I am constantly working on that. Sometimes I get lost and need reminded, but I always try to move forward. I don't have a clear vision of what I want to be, but I know it's a better version than who I currently am. More wise, patient, calm, and centered.

How similar is it: closer every day with a few slip ups. I think these are things that cannot actually be achieved, only worked on - if that makes any sense at all. I'm not sure I could reach a point where I am constantly all of those things.

I currently view myself as broken, flawed, and unstable. We are our own worst critics (most of the time...) and I can say that I am far too mean to myself... which is another thing I'm working on.

According to Zen Buddhism we ought to change ourselves to a degree, where there are no 'us'. We should become one with all that is the world sorrounding us, and therefore destroy our ego in the process. I think that when we're idealizing our own selves, we have to think about perfecting the world around us, and change the 'outside' instead of our 'inside'.

Thinking of an idealized self means thinking about strengths and weaknesses. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Every strength can be a weakness and vice versa. It depends on the situation and how you use your abilities.
So why should I want to be someone else? There are people who love and respect me as I am.
Sure, there are sometimes situations where I think: I have to be more patient. And with a bit of self-discipline I become more patient, for instance. So you can be who you want to be right now.

"Who we are never changes, only who we think we are."