How easily are you able to forgive

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05 Sep 2019 17:28 #343335 by RaisedFromWolves
How easy is it to forgive someone who has wronged you for you guys? For me this was a very hard thing I honestly numbed myself for years because I couldn't forgive the people who hurt me. Through learning & reading & studying I was able to learn to forgive hoping also the people I hurt could learn to forgive me. I dealt with ptsd I dealt with paranoia & I dealt with wanting every day to be emotionally numb but I grew from this. I learned to forgive & it released a burden from my shoulders in the process. I lost friends to prison I lost friends to drugs. I truamatized others & I lead many down roads that were a dead end due to being a leader to many but not knowing how to lead. The hardest thing I went through was learning to forgive myself & learning to take responsibility for the things ive done. I dont blame the government i don't blame my upbringing I don't blame my environment because I made those choices even tho I was young but I still made the choices myself. So have you guys learned to forgive?

???
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05 Sep 2019 17:40 #343337 by rugadd
I circumvented the problem by not being offended in the first place. Honestly, the broader a view I accept, the less and less I feel attacked or have any need to blame someone. "It is what it is." is a type of mantra for me. This doesn't mean I don't feel sad or angry or hurt, but all of reality holds the possibility of making me feel those things. People are part of that, a force of nature, a way of being. If a person were to harm me I would treat it like a scorpion bite or a lightening strike. Accept the pain or loss and try to learn from it. It's the best I can do. I like to tell people that holding a grudge is like holding a hot coal and that should be enough of an explanation of why I don't pick it up in the first place.

rugadd
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05 Sep 2019 18:46 #343344 by Kobos
At this point in my life forgiving people has become a more simple practice. I just don't hold on to it anymore (the feeling of being wronged), I still remember things though, "fool me once" idea. Some of the things I suffered at others hands were only amplified by my own. It took me a long time to understand this, and I still slip up once in a bit. Thing is though there was one point in my life where I had a lot of people that I had to ask for forgiveness, the ones that did forgive me, told me their reasons. One sticks with me to this day, "you are human, you didn't feel bad then, but you do now, so you have my forgiveness, what good would it serve me to push your face further into the dirt." I will never forget that being said to me.

Much Love, Respect and Peace,
Kobos

Fighting what you cannot see, will only lead you to lash out with violence towards everyone. Know your enemy, and you may find yourself a friend.

You can act real rude and totally removed
And I can act like an imbecile- Men without hats

Training Masters: Carlos.Martinez3 and JLSpinner
TB:Nakis
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06 Sep 2019 00:52 #343369 by Leah Starspectre
I generally find it easy to forgive if thre offense is either from igmorance, or from someone who is obviously struggling or in a bad place. In those cases, I feel more pity than anger, and find its easier to forgive.

That being said, there are one or two cases in my life where I was unable to forgive. In those cases, I distanced myself from those people, banking on "out of sight, out of mind"

Forgiveness takes practice though. Forcing yourself to try to forgive feels disingenuous at first, but the more you do it, the easier (and more sincere) it gets.
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06 Sep 2019 01:36 #343370 by Rosalyn J
The difficulty with this topic is that forgiveness is not “easy”. Sometimes it’s “easier” than other times, but that is not the same thing. I don’t find it easy to forgive. I consider that someone committing a slight that needs forgiving creates in the person they wronged a wound. Depending on the slight the wound can be either shallow or deep, but it is in their “inner person” or “spirit” and it requires the same care one would give to physical wounds (that is, recovery time, recovery strategy, recovery tools vary depending on the type of wound)

The important thing to do is know what YOU need to be able to forgive yourself and/or forgive others. I know that I need to let my feelings be real. I need to feel them. If I am angry I need to be angry, if I am sad I need to be sad, etc. I need to look at the consequences of an action, or set thereof, and see the thread that led there. I need to also look at what I could have done differently and resolve to learn the lesson. I don’t necessarily need the person to be there, but that can be really helpful. One thing I need to not do is promise it won’t happen again. I don’t expect others to do that either. I feel like as a human being I am prone to engage in some cyclical behavior and so sometimes may make the same mistakes. I know that others are human too and I can have grace with them.

When I talk about forgiveness I also have to talk about forgetfulness. I remember many of the mistakes I have made. I remember many of the wrongs that have been done to me. Just because I have forgiven them, doesn’t mean I have forgotten them. And there is the rub because remembering something can trigger feelings of shame or anger. So what I have to also remind myself is that I have forgiven myself or I have forgiven the person who did that wrong to me.

Thank you, Raised From Wolves, for such a wonderful topic to discuss. I hope to hear more thoughts

Ros
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06 Sep 2019 06:33 #343375 by RaisedFromWolves
I really enjoyed this response. I find it important to expect the least from many people that way I'm surprised when they actually exceed my expectations. Human beings are naturally neglectful of many things. Some people may not agree with that & say I should have a more optimistic approach but i feel like that is an optimistic approach because it builds hope when you actually see someone who isn't neglectful or exceeds your expectations. It starts to build hope for that specific person & lets you know who you can trust with a task or otherwise. If someone exceeds my expectations 9 times out of 10 then I can establish that person is reliable or generally trustable.

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06 Sep 2019 12:07 #343377 by luckyanimals
It's my belief that when we are unable to forgive, we only hurt ourselves by holding on to those negative emotions. Negative emotions like anger, hatred, and jealousy can often be the most consuming and toxic to one's self.

That being said, it is important not to forget about the actions that caused you harm. Those can be lessons themselves. I've always believed that we must forgive, but never forget.

Learning to forgive not only yourself in your own wrongdoings, but also others in theirs is detrimental to your physical and spiritual well-being. I'm happy to learn that you've been successful in your attempts. Every day, life challenges us and it's up to us to meet those challenges head on.

Best of luck on your journey.
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06 Sep 2019 17:45 #343399 by CaesarEJW
I forgive much too easily.
Sometimes I feel being more harsh, defensive, and outspoken would be a boon.
However, usually when someone does wrong by me, despite the transgressions I continue to treat them with kindness and be the bigger person, and usually, as long as they are the right kind of person (the wrong people don't deserve your opinion good or bad, because they don't truly care about you, so why should you care about them?), they will realize their mistake and apologize.
This all tends to goes unspoken though, the remorse is generally indirectly shown through their actions.
As my father always says, "Actions speak louder than words".

“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.” - Alan Watts
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10 Sep 2019 02:52 #343524 by Adder
I don't see the opposite of forgiving as 'getting even' or making someone pay, indeed I consider them unrelated processes entirely as causality extends forward IMO. So, actually... I don't think I forgive much at all in reality! But I don't act out on that beyond when it might relate to dispersing trust, how much trust I give then. I don't expect people not to learn from mistakes, but I also try to remember the conditions which caused it probably still exist. Given time it might prove to be outdated information enough about them for me to give them more trust.

Jou ~ Deg ~ Vlo ~ Sem ~ Mod ~ Med
TM: Grand Master Mark Anjuu
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12 Sep 2019 18:58 #343579 by Kit
It really depends on what you call "Forgiveness" For me, it's about absolving them. When I forgive someone, I'm allowing them back into my life as they were, or nearly as they were. Sometimes that also means I keep an eye on them (where we have involvement).

I will freely admit that there is one person I will never forgive, and even an organization. That person, my 'mother' did me so wrong so many times, she is not permitted in my life or the lives of my family. Wish I could say the same for the organization lol.

Otherwise I'd say I'm usually slow to take hurt that would call for forgiveness, and quick to forgive. You gotta go far afield for me to never forgive ya ;)
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