Jedi Speak: What They're Really Saying

Jedi Speak

What Jedi say: Emotion, yet Peace.
What Jedi mean: Calm the fuck down before you hurt somebody.

What Jedi say: There is a time for action and a time for inaction.
What Jedi mean: Nah. I’m good.

What Jedi say: I sense darkness in you.
What Jedi mean: Hey, asshole!

What Jedi say: The Force works in mysterious ways.
What Jedi mean: That’s a really fucking stupid question.

What Jedi say: I will meditate on your words.
What Jedi mean: Go fuck yourself!

What Jedi say: I am one with the Force.
What Jedi mean: I really hope the Force bails me out of this shitty situation.

What Jedi say: Do or do not. There is no try.
What Jedi mean: Shit or get off the pot.

What Jedi say: Death, yet the Force.
What Jedi mean: When I’m a Force ghost I’ll haunt your ass!

What Jedi say: May the Force Be With You!
What Jedi mean: You’re being sent on a ridiculously difficult mission during which you will probably die.

What Jedi say: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
What Jedi mean: You’re a fucking idiot.

What Jedi say: Fear is a path to the Dark Side.
What Jedi mean: Stop being a pussy.

What Jedi say: You were the Chosen One!
What Jedi mean: Why’d you make me chop off your limbs, you dumb fuck?

What Jedi say: Don’t underestimate the Force.
What Jedi mean: Back the fuck up!

What Jedi say: Patience, young Padawan.
What Jedi mean: Sit down and shut up!

What Jedi say: A Jedi craves not these things.
What Jedi mean: I’m not buying you anymore shit!

What Jedi say: You must unlearn what you have learned.
What Jedi mean: You’re full of shit.

What Jedi say: Size matters not.
What Jedi mean: I have a small penis.

What Jedi say: Wars not make one great.
What Jedi mean: We’re about to lose this war.

What Jedi say: Your focus determines your reality.
What Jedi mean: Are you fucking high?

What Jedi say: Truth depends on your point of view.
What Jedi mean: You’re wrong.

What Jedi say: I am a Jedi, like my father before me.
What Jedi mean: We’re not done forcing our family drama on the whole galaxy.

What Jedi say: Do not dwell on the past.
What Jedi mean: Get the fuck over it already!

What Jedi say: I am one with the Force and the Force is with me.
What Jedi mean: If I repeat this enough times it might come true.

What Jedi say: All is as the Force wills it.
What Jedi mean: Not my fault! The Force fuckin’ did it!

What Jedi say: These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.
What Jedi mean: FAKE NEWS!

What Jedi say: I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced.
What Jedi mean: Some serious shit just went down.

What Jedi say: I’m Luke Skywalker. I’m here to rescue you.
What Jedi mean: I hope you have a plan ‘cause I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.

What Jedi say: The Force is strong in my family, my father had it, I have it, my sister has it.
What Jedi mean: We should probably stop making out with each other.

What Jedi say: I have a bad feeling about this.
What Jedi mean: I have a bad feeling about this.

What Jedi say: An elegant weapon for a more civilized age.
What Jedi mean: Check out my laser sword. I’m gonna dismember you with it now.

What Jedi say: Someday I will be the most powerful Jedi ever!
What Jedi mean: Someday I will murder all of the Jedi.

What Jedi say: That is why you fail.
What Jedi mean: Just do it the way I told you to do it, idiot!

What Jedi say: Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is.
What Jedi mean: That five year old is smarter than you.

What Jedi say: The ability to speak does not make one intelligent.
What Jedi mean: You sound like a jackass.

What Jedi say: Who’s more foolish? The fool, or the fool who follows him?
What Jedi mean: Why the hell are you following me?

What Jedi say: In my experience, there is no such thing as luck.
What Jedi mean: I have really fuckin’ bad luck.

What Jedi say: Strike me down and I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
What Jedi mean: Please don’t kill me.

What Jedi say: Never tell me the odds!
What Jedi mean: Rather than listen to logic, I’m going to recklessly endanger your lives right now.

What Jedi say: I will not condone an action that will lead us to war!
What Jedi mean: Woohoo! Grab your lightsabers guys! We’re going to war!

Be mindful of your feelings. - Keep it in your pants.