My Question 2

Hello everyone, today i have a question that i always make to my self.
How do i calm my anger? This is really important for me so if you could please take a moment and share a method with me. I already tried deep breathing, or repeating the code in my mind. But even if it helps me, it doesn't gets the anger out of me.

Thank you. May the Force be with you.

I'm not a therapist so nothing I say comes from someone qualified... however I did used to have a temper and am still quite impatient so I know something of what you are probably feeling.

For me, I try to ask myself how important what I'm getting angry over is. How important is it in 10 minutes from now, 10 hours, 10 days etc? Then I tell myself, it's not important. Then I remind myself that anger is not a constructive feeling, to be constructive it has to lead into something else that is not anger.

Learning to de-escalate your own anger is tough and it requires an acceptance that it will be difficult because you have to let go of something which are quite firmly attached to... namely the anger. Learning to 'let go' is a lot of the battle.

Mindfulness can be a useful tool to grounding you in the now, see for example here https://www.mindful.org/meditation/mindfulness-getting-started/

However I do say that if you find that anger is an obstacle in your daily life seeing a counsellor is a very good idea. Although difficult in the current time, there are a number of online therapy sites which may be able to help you start off.

Thank you!

LuckyBamboo wrote: Hello everyone, today i have a question that i always make to my self.
How do i calm my anger? This is really important for me so if you could please take a moment and share a method with me. I already tried deep breathing, or repeating the code in my mind. But even if it helps me, it doesn't gets the anger out of me.

Thank you. May the Force be with you.

Short answer: Humble yourself.

I speak from experience when I say it's easy to become angered over the shortcomings, or perceived shortcomings of those both within your community or those of humanity as en entity.

This is why I mentioned in the previous thread that the code, while a great foundation for daily life; is useless by itself.

Long answer:

Examine the triggers, causes, or reasons behind your anger. Does hearing others talk about you behind your back get you hot under the collar? Does rule-breaking or otherwise illegal activity get you red in the face? Perhaps improper grammar or spelling structure unnerves your otherwise educated and well balanced intellect.

To credit Edan above as well, this is all simply a different explanation of the same "mindfulness" that she suggested.

With youth comes rage; with age comes wisdom.

I see that you have the experience, and I wanted to ask you the same but about fear. Yesterday I saw a picture of Shaye St. John (don't search for it if you think you could get scared too) and I used my method to end fear, I just watched pictures of her, looking at her directly in the eyes. I also used knowledge, I convinced myself that it's just a mask. Anyways, my mind does not fear it, but right now it is an obstacle because I meditate next to a bed, and I think you can guess what happens to me...
What else can I do?

LuckyBamboo wrote: I see that you have the experience, and I wanted to ask you the same but about fear. Yesterday I saw a picture of Shaye St. John (don't search for it if you think you could get scared too) and I used my method to end fear, I just watched pictures of her, looking at her directly in the eyes. I also used knowledge, I convinced myself that it's just a mask. Anyways, my mind does not fear it, but right now it is an obstacle because I meditate next to a bed, and I think you can guess what happens to me...
What else can I do?

"If zombie bites you, bite it the &*#@ back..:

Facing your fears is usually the most effective means of which to rob the power which they hold over you. I used to be terrified of heights, so I forced myself to begin rock climbing in order to eliminate the power which that fear held over me. Similarly, I used to be terrified of explosions; so I took several firearms instruction courses and invested in significant amounts of range time.

Fear is a weird emotion, because as you've mentioned there is both rational fear as well as irrational fear. A rational fear may be becoming lost in a foreign town/city which you perceive to be hostile or otherwise unwelcoming to your intrusion (gangland turf, criminal neighborhoods, etc.). An irrational fear would more-so be what appears to be a poorly constructed paper-mace' puppet.

The point between the two is again, summarized; fear only holds as much power as you choose to give it.

As far as meditation is concerned, I may be going up against the grade of the rest of the forum with personal practice; so please take my advise with a bit of skepticism.

"Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth".

I find most meditation really doesn't help those practicing it, because it is used to escape from their problems as opposed to facing those problems.

When I meditate, I'll listen to heavy metal, recordings of industrial machinery, gunfire, maori/mongolian/tribal chant, etc. I do this because this meditation is training my unconscious mind to hold that same state of mental and emotional calm in situations that warrant panic.

It's easy to be calm and in a state of serenity when you're relaxing on a soft couch, cold drink nearby; some spa music playing in the background. Maintaining that same state of calm when someone is screaming in your face however, is both much more difficult and much more commendable.

Hopefully, some of that will help you.