asking for personal responsibility vs victim blaming

I was just about to respond to another post and thought that this would lead to a totally different topic so I figured I'd start a new thread.

Where is the line between asking for people to take some personal responsibility and victim blaming?

The post I was reading that made me think of this was on poor people making bad choices, but in the area that I live this is also a conversation surrounding sexual assaults on the local college campus. While I'm not saying that anyone deserves to be in poverty, or sexually assaulted, or anything else like that, and I know that in many cases there are others at fault I believe that there are things everyone can do to avoid these situations or at least get out of them afterwards. When people voice these opinions though, they get chastized for victim blaming.

I get in trouble for this frequently because I was raised a fighter and to take responsibility for my own actions and circumstances. Whatever my life was was because of me and I could change it. I know it's unfair to ask the same of others, but shouldn't we? Just a little? Is it really that bad to ask people to take responsibilty for their own circumstances and stop blaming others or "the system."

Fairs got nothing to do with it. Show me where it’s written that life is fair.

Personal responsibility can only come from someone with a true sense of self-worth. Honor, duty, loyalty; these words use to mean something to people. When we had a personal code of ethics we followed. We once believed we had the right to pursue happiness. Now it seems most believe they have the right to be happy and someone needs to give it to them.

Just yesterday I spent all my free time helping those that were not prepared for the storm that came through. Personal responsibility put me in a position where I was able to do so. And it was my duty to and I was honored to do it. It is a privilege to be depended on and needed. And it is our place to set the example for others to follow.

Just like people are amazed at the things politicians say and do. Why? They are a product of our society. And if our leaders are no better than they are, how can we expect any better from those they lead or represent?

Should we expect others to take account for their actions and inactions? I will tell you now that having expectations is the first step in being disappointed.

I think this is an excellent topic that Jedi should address. Not just as in how it is displayed by the world, society and politics but in our personal lives as well. We should all step back and look at ourselves sometimes and reflect… are we people we would be proud to be? Am I personally the best me I can be?

Is it really that bad to ask people to take responsibilty for their own circumstances and stop blaming others or "the system."

No it isn't and those that do blam others or the system are the ones that have done so themselves (misery loves company) or are not on touch with reality.

Now someone will find examples and some unfortunate situations to the contrary but they are the exceptions, and there are always exceptions, to the facts of reality.

Wescli Wardest wrote:
Just yesterday I spent all my free time helping those that were not prepared for the storm that came through. Personal responsibility put me in a position where I was able to do so. And it was my duty to and I was honored to do it. It is a privilege to be depended on and needed. And it is our place to set the example for others to follow.

I can't tell you how much I needed to read this today.

Thank you!

I might point out that where as you could be perfectly justified in asking someone to take responsibility for their lives, it may not be the right time to tell them that. Often, we do irreparable harm to an already fragile ego which then runs screaming in the other direction all the while cursing you for poking a stick in their eye.

Simply put, you can be right about their need to stand up and improve with their own two hands, but it may not be your place to be the one to tell them that.

Personally, I find it infinitely more effective when they tell themselves that.

Also, being a living example is the most convincing way to change people's minds in this area.

I might point out that where as you could be perfectly justified in asking someone to take responsibility for their lives, it may not be the right time to tell them that. Often, we do irreparable harm to an already fragile ego which then runs screaming in the other direction all the while cursing you for poking a stick in their eye.

I blame the people who "support" them... the "yea you can jump off the cliff you're awesome" crowd. they're the ones doing the real harm.

rugadd wrote: Often, we do irreparable harm to an already fragile ego which then runs screaming in the other direction all the while cursing you for poking a stick in their eye..

I think this can be done gentleness and compassion. Strength doesn't have to be rough or insensitive.

I will grant you this, people with the best of intentions can screw things up real bad.....

so ...

being a living example is the most convincing way to change people's minds in this area

Of course and in all areas.

I really wish I could saying something on this subject because I personally experienced this and my story will give you an answer or at least a better insight on the things you and others stated. I was a victim and fought hard to get to where I am today and protect those who I care. We all go through a process of blaming and acceptance of responsibility, but way too many factors take into account in these kind of topics. I personally still blame others because when it came down to the source they took advantage of me and my kindness. Now don't think I was naive, I was just kind and helping out a friend. Anyway, with out tmi in to my own back story, they ended my happiness at the time and made me a homeless victim, I saved my ex from being (train raped) along that horrible journey. Though, As i look at it. No matter who is at fault or who needs to take responsibility or blaming; it doesn't change the fact that it happen. People handle things differently and I am going to make a journal on my back story when I can or when I feel more open, I recommend you read it and others too when its up because it would be nice to tell my story and for others to see what I've been through; you may find what you are looking for there in my story. Also I know this is a intellectual conversation about this topic and didn't mean to tell a lil of my story, but this is the second topic within these 2 days that struck me in the heart. Ill subscribe to this thread since I really would like to see what others think about this topic too. I am a Little bit all over the place and didn't mean to wright so much lol sorry. Just very hard topic for me to discuss in a way.

For the very few unfortunate ones that are truly the victim of an assault or attack, they can call themselves a victim and be justified in it, but as long as they allow themselves to be that victim, they will never recover and always be afraid.

I always believe, regardless if you are a victim of assault or a victim of choice, you can choose to be the victim or the victor. I have met a few men and women that were victims of sexual or other violent assaults and they refused to be a victim. To them the word held power and they did not want to feed that power that was held over them. Instead they chose to be a victor. They learned from what happened, they learned self defense and/or got a concealed weapons permit. The simple fact is they did not let tragedy beat them.

For the people who blame things on how they were raised, how they were treated in school, that they were poor, that the rich are at the fault, that the government is purposely screwing them, I say they are EXACTLY where they are supposed to be due to the choices they made. They have only themselves to blame. Anyone can choose to build a better life, but most will choose to blame others, whine, complain and never do anything about it.

I think that in order to to really discuss this, we have to recognise that there are two distinct concepts at play here. On is being a victim, and the other (please forgive me for this because its the most convenient way to express it, im sorry if people take offense to the wording, its not my intention) is a victim mentality

A victim is the person affected by the direct negative action taken by another person. For example, a drunk person decides to drive home and wipes out your car in the process. You are a victim of his actions.

Someone with a victim mentality generally has a very negative outlook on life and tends to perceive themselves as the victim in any circumstance, often ones that they are responsible for creating themselves. For example, that lady who sued McDonalds when she burned herself on hot coffee.

I think its an important distinction to make because being able to take responsibility for something, means that you are able to do something about it. Ownership is a precursor to change. Whereas you cannot change any negative action that someone else has taken, though, you do have control of how you respond to that.


Note - these are just very obvious examples. There can be cross over between the two and a victim mentality can be a sneak sneaky thing.