Let me begin with a little story time. I grew up having nosebleeds when the weather changed, I bruised easily, bleeds from little cuts would keep right on bleeding. I ignored these signs and just kept living. Now, I am currently being tested for Von Willebrand or some other non-clotting disorders. It got me thinking about bleeding, bruising, wounds and healing. This then got me thinking about lessons and life. I found myself asking these three questions:
What have you healed from?
What are you letting fester? (like a bruise)
What are you hemorrhaging? (like a wound)
Firstly, what have you healed from? For me, most notably, was an eating disorder, people pleasing, and a toxic parent relationship. It took lessons from the Temple, guidance from my Training Master, a bunch of therapy, and choices every single day in every single interaction. I let these fester for a very long time before I found the strength and opportunity to address them. Like our tenets, I engage focus, knowledge and wisdom to address these challenges. What have you healed from? What did it take you to get there? What can you teach to others because of it?
Next, what are you letting fester? Because of this potential clotting issue, my bruises drastically change over the healing process which is even longer than normal. For example, I got blood work done with a straight needle in either side of my arm. The left side went from a pinky nail size of slight discoloration to a deeper blue. Then a pink finger length of yellowish green. Today, it is almost healed. The other side is in the pinky nail size deep blue stage and a pin prick of dark purple. I give these two examples because what you let fester will affect you differently and show up in different areas of your life. A lack of confidence may reflect in your professional relationships but not personal ones. The impact may be large and deep or small and faint. Healing may be over the course of days or over the course of weeks. For me, this was my spiritual journey. I was raised Christian but it never felt right. It was a little bruise that never healed and it always hurt when I touched it. I began to research other religions and found witchcraft. I let guilt keep me from practicing. I thought people wouldn't understand, I thought I wasn't doing Christianity right, etc. I found the Temple and my spirituality began to fall into place. Still I let some choices fester. I wanted to veil but thought it would be perceived as silly. I again let it fester. Then I made the choice to begin veiling, made a point to dedicate myself to my practice and truly tried to form a more spiritual Force-based connection. The floodgates of healing opened. All those little bruises healed, all the joy rushed in. I began living authentically. I now am more aware of when a little bruise begins and I ask myself how to address it so I never end up bruised all over again. Teaching 9 talks about our individual wholeness and to foster our awareness. I see a number of Maxims can be contemplated here: Dedication, Agency, Discretion, and Empathetic Joy. I encourage you to make a list of all of these things that you feel are impacting you. Starting with each one, what are a few ways you can begin to encourage healing? I challenge you to start with one each and every day. Keep track of your progress so you can stand at the summit and look back at the vast distance you traversed.
Lastly, what are you letting hemorrhage? A hemorrhage is defined as an active heavy bleed that is incredibly dangerous due to the large and quick blood loss. These are the large blaring issues or the times of crisis. For me, this was when a drastic situation happened with my father that put our whole family in survival mode. My parents stopped being my parents and instead we were 3 adults and a child who needed to figure out what life was going to look like to allow for healing of all parties. My dad stayed with me for a period of time, then it was my younger brother. My father got the help he needed in the time of crisis and for when the waves settled. My brother got into a program to help his issues. I continued to monitor my mental health. My mother was in denial and made absolutely no change. She just hemorrhaged with no awareness of the wound so, of course, no intention or plan to heal it. I tried to stop the bleeding, get her to see the road forward, and she didn't make any change. So I left her with her wound. Sometimes you have to walk away. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink. I find myself thinking of Teachings 2, 3, 5, 7, 12 and 14. I find all of the Maxims can be applied to my own examples of hemorrhages I have seen with myself and others. How are you assessing the damage and assessing the remedy of your own hemorrhages? How are you making sure a hemorrhage doesn't happen again? Are you being affected by the hemorrhages of others? Are you able to support them or do you need to walk away?
I don't have a diagnosis of Von Willebrand or have answers regarding my clotting issues but this journey has made me ask questions and assess situations in a different way. Looking back on my time here and my current involvement in the Temple, I am thankful for the healing space and opportunity created within our Doctrine, our lessons, and our community. As Master Zero famously says, this Temple will change your life if you let it. Let the Temple be the hospital where you begin to assess these wounds, heal, and prepare to enter the world a better, more authentic and healed version of yourself.
