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"Something lost. A part of yourself, perhaps. That which you seek, inside you will find."



Christmas is coming! Or the Winter Solstice, Hanukkah....My dads birthday...Vacation week, Everquest 2, Loranne Makkenet & Enya mixed into the playlist and best of all? Slushies!....No I am serious. Every Christmas break before we (my husband and I) had kids, we would play Everquest or World of Warcraft for hours non stop, well past midnight and straight on to morning hours (you know...back when we had youthful energy to stay awake past 10pm). About 2 am we would give ourselves a break and walk down to the seven eleven to buy slushies. It didn't matter how freezing cold it was outside (And we live in Michigan – It gets cold)

I always loved these walk. Looked forward to them all the time. We would talk about all sorts of things. Where we were going in life? Philosophy, Martial Arts, more philosophy, work, training practices, Jedi, Martial Arts....mostly we talked about Martial Arts. It was his favorite subject, he was and still is very passionate about it and Martial Arts goes hand in hand with Philosophy which leads into Jedi perspectives when one really thinks about it. We sure did!

But that is all in the past now.

Now we have two beautiful daughters who take up a lot of our time. Husband works extra hours and comes home exhausted from both the work and the work place drama. I am most often stressed out, hey give me a break! When you have two girls so close to the same age (4 and 5 years old) who tend to consistently fight over the same pony toy no matter all the tricks you've tried to teach them to share...you would be stressed out too. ;)

Fact is.

Life isn't as generous as it used to be. We have responsibilities now and we can't spend hours on games, and going on long walks in ice storms with kids? Not likely.

It's easy to look back and say “Man....We had it good.” and “Life was so easy back then.” I know that we do it often. Bemoan the fact that we can't run velkatours laberynth, or sit in the marketplace giving everyone “Puppy Feet!” while listening to “Wild Child” cheerily singing in the background instead of:


How easy it is to look back and greedily say “Just once. Just ONCE....I would give anything to have one more Christmas Break like we used to. Feasting on junk food, slurping on slushies, and living it large together....just me and my lovie, pulling crystaline spider's and screaming 'Zone Wall! Zone Wall!!'”

But then reality sets in, instead, you scream “Where is your gorram socks!? I just put it on you two seconds ago!?” and “Why is your coat all dirty? I JUST Washed it!” as your trying to pile out the door to go shopping with only $100 in your pocket to last you all week and that ever familiar

“MooOOOoommy!!!” *CoughSniffleCough*

But then. Their eyes light up. Wide as moons.

Their jaws hang slack in silent 'Awe' ....and suddenly they excitedly chatter “Look at the lights mommy!!”

“Oooh pretty Christmas Tree!!”

“Oooo Reindeer!!”


“Chocolate Pony!!!!” (My sick four year old has been talking about ‘Chocolate Pony’ for a solid week now…. No idea where she got that from.)

It is truly amazing really. When you sit back and allow yourself to return to that inner child in you and see what they see. Big promotions and money scheming sales? Religious propaganda? Or just the endless beauty that brightens up the world every year. Touching the hearts and souls with a timeless tradition.

This year...My girls can express with clear words how Christmas makes them feel and it is beautiful. Truly beautiful. I am blessed that I, as a parent, That any parent, can return to their own inner child with them and remember even just for a moment that....You can allow yourself to be in Wonder.

Usually we don’t do anything fancy for Christmas. A small half sized tree, some lights, a few presents...Kids rip and destroy it all down anyways....Needless to say. This year, our little family will be getting a big and beautiful christmas tree, and we will share cookies and hot chocolate together. For, the truest gift of generosity Is that we can allow the spirit to shine as bright as the star atop your tree.

Yes! Big eyes! Very big, because they are full…..of wonder. That is my center! It is what i was born with, eyes that only see the wonder in everything. Eyes that see light in the trees and magic in the air! It is my center, what is yours? ” — North (rise of the guardians)