Mentor-Protégé Relationships/Traits

A mentoring relationship is different than being inspired by a random person

Twice now you've replied with nothing but a "block" :huh:
You never did Improv at school did you? :silly:


For the OP - My advice (such as it is ) is patience.

You will have all the wisdom in the world to share - whether it be professional knowledge, life skills, personal philosophy, but unless the moment is right - They won't take it.

Don't necessarily "wait for them to ask" - People often don't know what they don't know, and won't know to ask, but time it right.

I have had the questionable privilege of being a mentor a few times.
The longest relationship was about 3 years - and it was damned painful, but by just "being there" and being consistent, I think I left a better person than I met.

(I'm different with the Kids - far harsher really. You can be, you have to gently move adults onto new thoughts and tracks. Children are more flexible, you can move them faster, and you generally have to do it more often, since they've got a thousand other influences in life as well)

As for what to admire in a mentor - I really can't say. I have massive problems with authority, so my "mentors" are more often my peers who I wish to emulate, there's not usually any formal "passing on" of anything.

Which I suppose lends to what I said about being a mentor "Be yourself, be consistent, and the rest will follow"

I need to trust my mentors. Particularly, I need to know that when they call me out, it is part of the teaching, rather than simply to pin my ears back.

I need my Mentor to be upright. That said, I need my Mentor to be clear about being a human being. If he or she fails, to be honest with the failure and clear about taking responsibility. I do not need a Guru, with the inevitable disappointment that follows. I need a human being who takes responsibility for the role.

I need a mentor that cares, but is not my friend. I love my friends, but I need my Mentor and I to sacrifice that in pursuit of Jedi training. It is not an easy temptation to resist. As a teaching master, I would love to simply say, "I like you a lot, you're pretty cool, whatever you think is fine." I have that luxery with my friends. But that is not the purpose of this relationship we both chose.

There is a great deal of tension built into the relationship as I understand it, but I regard the management of aparent contradiction and tension as central to Jedi reserve. It is all part of the work for both Mentor and Student alike.

1. Open minded, but knowledge about their subject.
2. Be or been where I want to go.
3. Walk the walk of their words.
4. Teach, not preach.

Old Thread Revival Time


Today I attended a sort of talk event thing that I was only really going to because it was giving me networking points necessary for a class I am taking; in the end, it ended up being about mentorship and how to get a mentor. I may end up typing up thoughts on that later / elsewhere, but the part I wanted to bring up here as "food for thought" was where the speaker talked about what he calls his "Three Pillars of a Mentor Program". He has these broken down in two separate categories.

First, the Mentor, who must act in three roles for their mentoree -

The Mentor must provide guidance. They give advice, provide their mentoree recommendations on issues, and provide their mentoree constructive feedback and supervision. In this regard, the Mentor is like a coach.

The Mentor must provide support. They are there to listen, console, counsel, encourage, and inspire. They're there to be a sounding board for the mentoree. They help motivate their mentoree. In this regard, the Mentor is like a friend.

The Mentor must be a role model to the mentoree. They show their mentoree that they practice what they preach. It's not a "do as I say, not as I do" relationship. They emulate the values that the mentoree holds dear. In this regard, the Mentor can be like an idol.


Then, the mentoree, who must make three decisions when entering a mentoring relationship -

The mentoree must show willingness - willingness to try, to be open minded, to explore, to discover, and to grow. This is the decision of the mind.

The mentoree must act. They must follow through with their decision and be acting towards making progress in their personal growth. This is a decision of the body.

The mentoree must be dedicated. They have to persevere and press through hard ships and barriers. They must be resilient in the face of set backs or difficulties. They shouldn't stop simply because they made a step in the right direction. This is a decision of the spirit.

If either the Mentor or the Mentoree are missing any one of their three pillars, the speaker felt that the relationship would not be sustainable. All three are necessary in order for it to work. If the mentor coaches and provides a support, but emulates different values than the mentoree, then there is a fundamental aspect missing; likewise if they coach and have same values, but don't provide support. If the mentoree doesn't do the work, or stops when they reach a basic point, or what have you, they aren't going to grow as fully in the relationship as they potentially could. He goes on to add that mentorship relationships have to be a two-way street; it is a reflective, collaborative, continuous back and forth conversation. It is not, however, a permanent relationship and may eventually end.

Finally, he added that a person ought to have more than one mentor and even more than two. Your mentors may change over time, and they should, but you should always have mentors, because you should always be learning.

[hr]

Like I said before, he also went into detail on what he feels are important steps to take in order to get the mentor(s) that's good for you. One of the perks of going to this event (aside from getting the points towards a grade), was a free book that I fully intend to go through in greater depth, perhaps over my Christmas break, perhaps not. Either way, I may or may not bring up a post about those later on as more food for thought.